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Barlong - female

Posted by Barlong
on February 18th, 2012 at 5:15 AM

I have to confess this, but honestly... I am devilish in nature. 
If it does not get my hands dirty I could tell someone to do something in a suggestive manner. More and more I realize I can not change this in me, the need to make someone suffer by other hands than my own. Somehow I find it that this must mean I am Evil, or can it be that I am not evil? 

Making someone suffer... manipulating the strings of fate. 
Not like girls would do to make a boy fall in love, nay, I enjoy to make people hurt other, like really hurt. I do it in reality. On time I fooled someone to make someone outraged in a suggestive manner. I pretended to be drunk, and told the other person they could do that, they were drunk, I used their irritation to make a bad tie between friends. Somehow I am good at making people hate each other or create distrust. I can not change it, so I guess my confession is that I am evil. If I could fool someone to hurt someone I might do it. To what extent would I nurture someones hate? To what extent would I enjoy it? If hate is all that is needed, will it someday ruin me as well? Somehow I get the feeling I would enjoy it if my enjoyment of such things, will haunt me as well. 

If someone hunted me to kill me because of my hate spreading, I do not think it would be a bad thing.
I am not a good person, I do things and say things often intentionally to hurt people. I make people cry, but not from my own hands. 
Evil.. I guess living as evil I will never have to encounter good, though some would say my actions are good, my essence is evil.

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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Phaethon - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by Phaethon on November 29th, 2012 at 4:51 PM

    I don't believe in reincarnation really, but sometimes I think I must have lived many lives to have learned to love angels and devils equally. The pain we feel is the pain of the world, its only natural to want to reflect it back. It is handed down to us from some dream we don't remember dreaming. Your ability to make people hate each other is proof of your empathy, perhaps its not that you don't feel its that you felt to much and the torment is hard to bare. We learn to love the pain, the feel of pulling the feathers from our wings one by one and watching them bleed. Your honesty however, betrays you. As long as you have it, you will be denied the hell you seek.

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 5:00PM

  3. Posted by An EP User on December 28th, 2013 at 3:47 AM

    Funny, that when your friend left you freezing outside your own house without a key after you returned from Germany, full of heavy luggage you did not like it, did you Barlong ?? Funny, that after finding out that she was toying wityh your trust for more than 6 years you did not like it either did you Barlong ? So, case to say, do onto others as you would like it done unto you, because what goes around, comes around.

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  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 5:00PM

  5. Barlong - 22-25 years old - female

    Reply by Barlong Dec 28th, 2013 at 5:12AM

    That was not a chosen scenario. I never intend my evil to do actual harm. I never tried to be evil with her. I did not like her actions, because she did absolutely not care. My evil is different. My manipulation is not like that. She was a person I believed, I wanted to try being good at least believing I had a friend. Accepting my nature and allowing it to come forth in controlled burst on the city shouldn't be considered to "evil". When people drink, people believe it's the alcohol after all. Though, there are some limits.... breaking things to ruin ones trust... I am just saying, my kind of evil at least remains decent and with honor at some level. She meant me harm, while my greatest flaw is hurting other peoples emotions (intended or not). She was never hurt (she didn't care). I consider it harm to let someone get frostbites for choosing ******* over friendship and honor. Having no self respect of her own actions, not even considering what kind of impact her actions could do. ... I would never do something on my own if I knew a friend of mine would come back that night from a trip (and it being below -30 c).


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