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I've been married for ove...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on September 12th, 2007 at 10:33 AM

I've been married for over 30 years. My husband and I have 2 grown children. I can't say I don't love my husband anymore. I suppose I do, but then again, did I ever really love him?
I started a sexual relationship w/a married former colleague six years ago tomorrow. No one would ever guess we were lovers. The sex is amazing. It’s primal & cathartic & dazzling. The relationship has led to very deep feelings for me. Recently, I feel such an emotional, spiritual connection with this man when we are having sex. It’s the first time in my life I’ve felt that way. He says he ‘adores’ me. I’m never sure what he means, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t love me as deeply as I’ve grown to love him.
I can’t imagine living without him. I fantasize about us having a life together. I’m old enough to understand that things like that never happen.
I’m old enough to understand that I am in the autumn of my life. I’m coming to understand that I am not here this time ‘round for self-fulfillment. I’m here to be what other people want or need. It used to pain me that no one ever wanted to know what I needed or wanted. Now I just accept it as my assignment.
I want my lover to want to be with only me. I can’t make that happen. I want my husband to be strong enough to understand that I can love him and be IN love w/another man.
If I left my husband, he would kill himself. I know this like I know the sky is blue.
I can never be happy. I can't move in any direction without tipping the balance of my stupid little life.

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9 Comments (add your own)

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  1. reflections3 - 61-65 years old - female

    Posted by reflections3 on February 4th, 2009 at 11:51 PM

    This is an amazing conclusion: "I want my husband to be strong enough to understand that I can love him and be IN love w/another man." This is my life to a T ... BUT as said... she can't move in any direction without tipping the scale ... she understands exactly what she is living. Wish there was an answer ... Blessings to you.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  3. muddywaters - 46-50 years old - female

    Posted by muddywaters on March 31st, 2009 at 9:52 AM

    wow - I know totally where you are coming from. I've been married for 25 years, 3 children (almost grown) and have been having an affair with a married man for the past 6 months. All the confusing emotions you expressed are what I feel. My lover has been married 42 years, and neither of us have any plans or desire to leave our marriages. The sex is incredible for the both of us, he's taken me places I've never been before and says I do the same for him. Yet we are more than the sex because we truly enjoy each other's company - on the golf course, at lunch, in the gym, just hanging out when the few opportunities present themselves. and like you, I fantasize about things I know can never happen but yet can't stop thinking about. I sometimes feel so lonely because there is absolutely no one I dare share this secret with. a few of his buddies know about us after seeing us together on the golf course, and he assures me they would never tell, in fact, they think it's kind of cool since I'm 18 years younger than he is. He's retired and I work from home so my schedule is very flexible. The only time we can see each other is during the day. He loves me, and I love him. He struggles with the thought of loving me and his wife, and I've come to terms with loving two men in different ways. But I would like to have someone to talk to and share things with who understands, experiences the same things I have, won't judge or think I'm stupid for loving a man I can be with, or really even know if I WANT to be with on a permanent basis. it's so confusing!

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  5. shivani12 - 22-25 years old

    Posted by shivani12 on May 1st, 2009 at 2:35 AM

    i totally understand that type of confusing feeling . is it love or what......? but it feel me "special person ", give strength for thinking positively . make me fell happy all the time . i just happy with that felling .

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  7. trackman2020 - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by trackman2020 on

    Well although I haven't been married as long as you have I do believe you can be in love with multiple people if you open yourself up to it and the chemistry is right. I have had outside relations and I can tell you it has been purely sexual and that it was the best sex I've ever had but don't confuse great sex with loyality and devotion. I don't believe in marriage anymore I mean to be with one person until you die doesn't sit well with me I mean to think you won't ever love or find another person attractive is stupid and that's why the majority of married people find themselves in crazy situations. I wish I had an answer for you but all I can say is there's someone out there that understands your situation. I mean my sex life with my wife to me is boring and lacks the satisfaction I'm looking for with my other sex partner I can be myself and say what I want without feeling funny about it and with my wife it is the opposite and its not like I haven't talked to her over and over again and I sttill get the same outcome. Do what makes you happy but at the same time be careful of the choices you make cuz you may not like the results.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  9. gothhentai - 31-35 years old

    Posted by gothhentai on May 25th, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    This guy probably just thinks of you as a good lay. That's way he hasn't mentioned leaving his wife. You should really think about your husband and his feelings. This man has given you the 30 years of your life and that is something you shouldn't treat lightly.
    Right now I'm going through what your about too put your husband through and let me tell you it's the most painful thing that can happen.
    Searuious thaughts of killing myself are never far from my mind right now. I've actullay started cutting myself because the physical pain lessens the rest.
    I'm not saying your husband will go through exactlly what I am. Hopefully he can handle it better.
    There is a few things you need to ask yourself before you go and destroy the man that has been your compainion for that many years, and make no mistake to more than a little extenct this will destroy things inside of him.
    That is rather you really love this guy or is he just more exciting because you think that he is somekind of escape from you everyday life? Also is this worth throwing away a guy that was able to stick by you as long as he did? That is a very rare thing these days

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  11. crackers01 - 31-35 years old

    Posted by crackers01 on July 28th, 2009 at 4:28 PM

    Understand completely. Though I thought it was not true in the past, YES, it is very possible to love two people. I love my husband adn adore him. I love my college boyfriend and adore him. It is bizarre. Sometimes the nagging feeling in my chest is about one, then sometimes the other. ANd NO it is not a sex thing. Well, yes, I would be in awe if we got together, but for clarification to anyone about to judge: the college boyfriend and i have not been together in that way in 10 years. We live in the same town and share a group of friends. Neither of us is just looking for sex or we would have done that a LOOOOOONG time ago. We love each other but we both love our spouses, too.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  13. bigeddy - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by bigeddy on September 5th, 2009 at 11:59 PM

    All I have to say is you only live once. If you don't have religous reasons for staying together then go for it... but don't expect him to take you back. as it will at that time when you realize you screwed up your life. I took my wife back but I am a special kinda guy. But by taking her back she does what I want when I want or I will find someone who will and I'll never trust her again.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  15. mrsmarleen - 61-65 years old - female

    Posted by mrsmarleen on June 15th, 2011 at 11:34 AM

    I am learning, I have fallen so far behind, I wonder if I could love another at the same time as my husband? Just reading this gives me hope that some where there is hope for me.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  16. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

  17. tantejane - 46-50 years old

    Posted by tantejane on June 20th, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    What you probably don't understand is that you will never feel fulfilled until you make your relationship with your current husband right, whether thats helping him move on, taking care of him till he's ready or staying with him and putting what you like about this other relationship into the marriage. Until then, you will never feel the true feeling of love. I've been married 30 years now too and there were times we were just friends but we never gave up. Each relationship brings something good in ones life. You might just have to figure that out first.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  18. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 26th, 2015 at 9:13AM

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