Denying the truth

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imperfectbeauty - 18-21 years old - female

Posted by imperfectbeauty
on April 8th, 2012 at 9:10 PM

I am very quick to tell the truth, but I seem to deny it all the time. I deny the truth about my life all the time, maybe I do this because I dont feel comfrotable knowing the truth. Maybe its because of the drugs. I am not sure why but I have realized it recently, and I must say that I am almost to the point of denying something that I think is true. I dont know if you will actually understand that, because I kind of dont. I am so confused about life right now, Im not sure what to do...

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  1. Posted by An EP User on April 8th, 2012 at 9:12 PM

    what kinda drugs?

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

  3. imperfectbeauty - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by imperfectbeauty Apr 8th, 2012 at 9:15PM

    I have gotten away from all the hardcore stuff, mostly pain killers. Ill be honest I have recently began doing crack agian. I have been doing drugs for 4 years now and I have tried just about everything.


  4. Posted by An EP User on April 8th, 2012 at 9:18 PM

    now I feel like crying. I am so sorry.

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  5. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

  6. imperfectbeauty - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by imperfectbeauty Apr 8th, 2012 at 9:22PM

    Its no ones fault but mine, I used to blame my family. I blamed them, because I honestly felt like they drove me to it, but I have realized that it was my choice to take them and still is.


  7. CopperCoil - 36-40 years old - male

    Reply by CopperCoil Apr 8th, 2012 at 9:29PM

    I don't know. I did a lot of drugs at your age and only really had one tenth the trauma of your upbringing. it just gets to me.. to see people hurt themselves, even though I did too. so much pain an sorrow and everyone has to make their own way out of the dark. words words words.. I wish you all best and I am so sorry you have been so hurt by your family. those scars never really go away, the negative voices, the anger.. but they can get quieter. I wish that for you, I really do.


  8. CVizion - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by CVizion on April 8th, 2012 at 10:50 PM

    I'm a believer in personal responsibility.... but I believe when someone, especially when they are as young as you were, goes through the stuff you have... I don't think any rational person in the world would hold you accountable for starting this stuff.... as humans we take what seems to be the path of least resistance... the one that will work... you thought about all of this.... it's your future that's in your hands... All I know is that I would be proud to have you as a friend... even as you are now... because of how you think... despite all of the hardship you've been through.

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  9. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

  10. gewdguy - 66-70 years old - male

    Posted by gewdguy on April 17th, 2012 at 1:32 AM

    It is common to feel that way when getting off of opiates and then trying to chase it away with other things. I am just coming out of where you are not that long ago. Heroin is the worst because of the sickness and pain pills are basically the same thing though the withdrawls are not near as bad. Honestly I used other things to get through the withdrawls and the depression it takes like three to six months for you to start producing your endorphines again at the right levels. Coming off anything other than heroin is a piece of cake in my book I can deal with the emotional swings because I know that it is me coming off and not real. Sure enough it goes away. As cliche as it sounds I can do anything for a day so I sufffer the day and then the next comes and if needed i suffer just that one day too until I reach the turn around. Then cloud nine then another drop into reality like my court this week probably going to jail.............consequences suck but they are mine to have and are of my own making. You can do this if you choose to it's hard I know. If you keep going all the "never wills" will be done and you will not make it back. You know all those things you saw others do and said "I would NEVER do that" how many have you done? How many more do you want to do because they are there waiting for you to do them.


    An exciting trip of happiness,

    A ruse of flower buds

    On a train, with too few stops

    A wreaking smell above

    The smell of death of others

    That die along the way

    Masked by flower nectar

    Few will walk away

    Hearing happy people

    The new rider will be taught

    He finds himself drawn into it

    It’s all just poppytalk

    Avoiding all the windows

    No one wants to see

    Out there is the truth

    The sad realities

    As time slips by unnoticed

    Seduced into the fold

    A peek out of the windows

    Cause shivers, of the cold

    Payment is required

    Futile struggle will ensue

    One by one the “never wills”

    Are done to pay the dues

    Trip of hidden nightmares

    Few stops along the way

    Insanity, the iron doors

    Are stops that pause the pay

    One more stop, that’s hidden

    Just one before the last

    The only hope for any

    Get off before it’s past

    Those that jump have hope

    Truth is most won’t stay

    The lure of the trip they had

    Pulling them away

    Destiny for those that hang

    They stay until the end

    Those who left, are working hard

    For any chance to mend

    Higher than the twins once stood

    The track composed of lies

    Demise the destination

    They keep on getting high

    Millions watched in horror

    When two towers fell

    The riders of the train don’t know

    They are in that kind of hell

    Those that love the riders

    Watch in horror too

    With guarded care they watch

    Riders fates will match the two

    Help no longer possible

    Watched with pain and love

    Only one can save them

    Most don’t hear the One above

    Choices now removed from them

    Fate controls their ride

    Sadly it’s a quiet thing

    And most just let it slide

    Riders who, reach the end

    Find themselves alone

    No one there to give a care

    Too late to get back home

    If any left that love them

    Ones who hoped and tried

    Watch with tears of anguished hearts

    The Conductor joins the ride

    The Conductor, loves His children

    Though some do go astray

    Tears roll down His cheeks

    On their darkest day

    The decision has been made

    A rider hearing Him this time

    The voice of all authority

    The Conductor starts to shine

    With a fathers voice

    He summons, It’s heard this time

    Another rider off to ever, hearing:

    “End of the line!”


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  11. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

  12. lgmember25 - 46-50 years old

    Posted by lgmember25 on April 24th, 2012 at 5:59 PM

    In my experience those who love tell the truth like telling other peoples truths, but tend to lie to themselves.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  13. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

  14. lgmember25 - 46-50 years old

    Posted by lgmember25 on April 24th, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    You use the word "honest" alot in your writing. start by being conscious of what comes out of your mouth. Those who tell you they are honest are most likely not. This is a good time for you, I think you may be finally waking up.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  15. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 5th, 2015 at 9:40PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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