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My Relationship with My Mother Sucks

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Cynic4Life - 31-35 years old - female

Posted by Cynic4Life
on May 20th, 2012 at 3:42 AM

My mother ...she has a good heart, but she has another side that she blatantly denies even exists. That side of heris called: self-righteous and a huge nag.
All of the arguments between us (and I am in my early 30s by the way) I CAN admit are caused by us BOTH. Shehas said I am the one. She is always telling me "it's you (meaning ME) "when strife arises between us. Even if she accuses me of doing/saying something I KNOW I did not do/say, she will nag the s*** out of me trying to convince me I am a liar (using that word or other phrasing) or try to convince me I am full of it or even crazy by saying stuff like "you are never wrong" or"you are a very forgetful person" when these are things I should say about her!!
When things happen it is always me or she will make an excuse forsomething she did or said OR she will deny it altogether, making me seem crazy or seem a liar. Basically my mother is one big mind**** to MY mind.
She even has the nerve to put God on me by saying stuff like "God has something for you" or telling me what God told her about my attitude. All the while I am thinking: what has God told you about YOU?? Hypocrite she is.As if she is spotless.
She has even LITERALLY with these words told me: I don't bother anyone.
Who the hell doesn't bother anyone?? We alldo that to each other. She is self-righteous and when she sees me upset or having a nervous breakdown she has the nerve to say dum stuff and even threaten to call (in her old lady way) "the paddy wagon" to take me away because I'm "crazy", instead of looking at herself as one part of my life's problems.
Remorse for her actions and being emotionally helpful is not her strong suits.
She even threw my laptop (did not even have it a whole year) & busted the screen because during anoooother argument i cursed her and so she busted it for theses reasons: cursing her, that the devil was in my laptop causing me to act the way I do (she couldn't blame herslelf, she had to blame a photo I edited of myself, which is not evil, but she called it the jackal she saw in a dream) and that i love my laptop more than God (ridiculous...using it alot does not mean that at all!). I apologized for cursing her. She never apologized for my laptop & even tried to justify til she finally at least admitted she didn't have to throw it. Even my best friend told me I was wrong, but that my mother was wrong and childish, too. He said that she didn't act very Christian when she did that. But he is getting it fixed, so...
Then there are the money issues and how she is ALWAYS telling me I can't save because of bills bills bills. Well...when CAN I?? She was a mother and a father (my dad sucks) and I commend her, but I need a life of my own! How can I do that if I can't afford to move out? have caused many of my own finance problems but she is NO help, either.
This is not even ALL of it.
I am not perfect, but I do admit my shortcomings while my mother piles on hurtful things and sayings (to her I am slow, evil, more stuff...) and never does she feel bad and she even says she doesn't.
I know it is wrong to hate because hate is evil to be blunt, but many times I do hate my own mother...Our relationship is deteriorating, too (we yell, I curse, we have had 2 real physical fights).
My best bet is to move far away from I very much want/need to move out, anyway!
Being around someone you don't get along with leaves NO room to heal and get along because you are CONSTANTLY around the person. No sooner do you start to heal from one fight before another one comes! Fervent prayer and faith in God caring more than people care can heal, but SPACE heals, too... I want to get along with her before there is no chance, anymore to do so and I want to see the good in her that she has, but anger and bitterness is clouding over all that...

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