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redradishz - 26-30 years old - female

Posted by redradishz
on May 21st, 2012 at 12:58 AM

I've been trying to find my way back for over four years now because I committed acts against a forum that made me feel like home even though I wasn't as active or truthful as I had ought to have been. It's stupid I know. You can't look back, one needs to move forward.

The truth is I need someone to talk to but my problem is that I leave and return, leave and return again and it's a sick cycle especially when the friends you had are now gone. As you can figure out I have many regrets in life and emotionally cannot trust anyone whch is why I can't let anyone get close to me.

It's the feeling that I'm not adequate enough for people amongst my age group and it hurts when I hear such strength that beats within them and how they're able to keep on going with the stresses of daily life.

I used to be strong and caring. I know naught who I can talk to about this for I've ruined many real-life relationships due to this tear that they think I'm insane...not scared or indecisive or filled with an extremely high hubris but insane and this is what keeps me underground. I'm ashamed and I can't let go of guilt and having received no calls from my real life's something I've decided to let go off.

Thank you for letting me write about my feelings.

I don't know what to do. I've ruined relationships with friends because I'm scared that they would think that I'm insane, not indecisive and scared but insane and that's the last thing I want.

I've hurt my immediate family as well and they keep holding on strong which invariably makes me feel as if I'm not alone. But it's their time to enjoy life and not be worried about me as they are. I should be able to keep and take care of myself rather than relying on them for comfort.

Some people already know who I am or what I've become and it makes me shudder with knowing I failed. I lost my way and maybe it's Karma that has led me to the days I see today. I wasn't a good person and I'm extremely shy now.

I wasn't shy before. This is the fourth time I joined EP and I've felt very harassed on this seemed as if people were talking about me which is why I left.

But I cannot live my life alone and many have thought I thjink highly of myself but I'm just a scared person who's been hurt. That's the truth.

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  1. redradishz - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by redradishz on May 21st, 2012 at 1:01 AM

    Sorry I was making it easier and forgot to delete the copy ramble

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 18th, 2015 at 4:31AM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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