brain fart 1: the curse of being socially inept

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totallying - 22-25 years old - male

Posted by totallying
on May 21st, 2012 at 3:33 AM

idk about you, it feels really good to be the best at what you do or in my case, in a simple sport called chess (yes you jock bastards it is a sport. you need not to train you brain but also your body to handle the last minutes/seconds stresses. don't believe me? try playing bullet [1 minute per person] or blitz [3-5 minutes] chess and let's see if you don't experience such a workout.). but sadly if you don't connect to the ones you are crushing, you will come off as someone unreachable or unapproachable even if deep down inside you are friendly as an angel or an old sweet person. it kinda sucks for me that it is so hard to connect to another human being. maybe i'm shy and idk how to keep going a small talk or to transition from small to deep and personal stuff. i mean i think i'm becoming less insensitive, less judgmental by keeping my judgments and assumptions to myself, and seemingly more happy by smiling more. i am trying to change but i want to do it faster. i want to connect to others HOWEVER, i have this self destructive belief that studying these social rules are a waste of my time right now and i really have to catch up with my studies in chess to be a grandmaster. sigh. is time management the answer or i simply drop one and prioritize the other? why is it that as a human i have to have this stupid urge to connect with others? <-- rhetorical q

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