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I don't do it for credit... secret good deeds.

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ManifestoOfThePhoenix - 26-30 years old - male

Posted by ManifestoOfThePhoenix
on May 24th, 2012 at 9:21 AM


you know when I Really think about "Who I am" as person. I Can't help bvut think of the music video for "Damn I wish i was your lover" and how sophie emerges from behind a very dark place in the video, you know? By sophie b hawkins... and how theres just that staircase and stuff... I also think of the sogn "Name" by the goo goo dolls.  I tend to think of secrets, I tend to think of quiet things no one really knows about me. You see the truth is even when i was active and had a social life I had many secrets that happened with internet friends. A friend that was being abused that I put on a bus back home, on the drop of a hat. A friend when i was little who I called's mother to stop from her killing herself over a family fight....the woman i'm in love with, who knew me in high school, who i paid to keep her kids in day care while she worked to feed them. these are just a handful of good deeds I have done in secret and not really bragged about-and even here I don't want to brag. I don't want your credit. I just want to express myself.

my love is like a secret no one knows. I have left such a faint imprint of good deeds on this world that it will be dead when those who i've done them for die-and I'm fine with that.... I know I am a good man. But few people know the depths of the good deeds I have done. Few people even know the name of the woman I love and I do not want them to. I think publicity is the enemy of self reflection and honesty-not just publicity but large circles of friends. I Would not be able to be myself if I had to deal with all of the curious minds. It would be hard to explain to friends that I am a boy and yes I want to submit to my woman's will, not vice versa. There would just be too much to explain. Too much I could not really get out there I am a private person, I Have discovered. I did not mean to be. I am private and yet I am an open book for those who I let in.

I feel like, in a lot of ways I'm just passing thru-I'm just some guy you met at a hotel and in the night we were both there something extraordinary happened like I Saw your boyfirend hitting you and I shot him, and neither of us will ever see each other again nor forget one another or the bond we managed to form in just a short ammount of time. You'll call me, some time, out of the blue. and i'll gladly take the call. But no one will know you, or where you came form and they''ll all ask-never knowing that the me that is on the phone is real thing and what they've been given is a facade-a chameleon.

...that is who I am...I want to be carpe diem. Live for the moment.

but  the truth is I am all about the future. I have been for 13 ******* years. Half of my life.

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  1. ManifestoOfThePhoenix - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by ManifestoOfThePhoenix on May 24th, 2012 at 9:51 AM

    and no i never shot anyone, that was just my imagination in the later part of the piece getting to an example of how things tend to happen in my life. people come in, and they get to know me like the shot of a gun quickly and we don't lose touch for YEARS, but it's always on this place you call the "Net" and it seems to me the REAL me is in cyber space and this thing, this body I Have is just an avatar that's moving forward in some kind of virtual reaity and very rarely meets someone face to face it can ACTUALLY be the boy in the computer with. I am not my body-I am pure consciousness.... And I don't get to express that face to face often at all...



    I am not the "me": you see face to face. what you'll encounter, most of the time, is a chameleon....It's not that I don't want to be-it's that people would be too weirded out by it, or won't allow for it. Or they like to get to know people over coffee, ******* slowly.



    things out here take place at the speed of light-the way I like it. That's the real me. This persona in the real wordl? THAT'S fake.



    THAT's a facade. just like EVERYONE else.

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 20th, 2014 at 1:44PM

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