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The only thing that keeps...

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on September 29th, 2007 at 8:15 PM

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is my obligation to my kids. I know it's unhealthy and selfish, but I constantly think about how much nicer life would be if I were dead... For everyone. And I know that people love me, and there are people I love, but life is just piling up around me and there's nothing I can do. Debt surrounds me, and it'll never get paid off. I hate my job. My kids make me crazy--they never listen to a word I say. My husband works all time, so I'm stuck with the kids whenever they're not in school... I regret having had them and sometimes wish that the State would come and take them away from me. I know they won't because I take care of them, like feed them and bathe them and make sure they have clean clothes. I give them lots of hugs and attention all the time. Nobody knows how much I really resent them and even hate them. I don't hit them or yell at them a lot. But I think I'm seriously on the edge of a nervous breakdown... And I don't know what to do.

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7 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Cheleanne - 66-70 years old - female

    Posted by Cheleanne on September 30th, 2007 at 12:02 AM

    God, isn't there someone who could help you out sometimes? maybe take your kids and give you a break? Sometimes that's all we need is just a little break.....

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  3. Bubbles27 - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by Bubbles27 on September 30th, 2007 at 2:06 AM

    i understand what yo feel. please think about getting a doctor for some help. those feelings you are having can be delt with. or even just a counselor to talk to. sometimes just talking will make those feelings go away.
    i am willing to just listen if you need an ear...
    write to my email at
    good luck!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  5. TintedSpecs - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by TintedSpecs on September 30th, 2007 at 7:04 AM

    I think it is time for you to visit your doctor - It sounds like you have clinical depression. It isn't healthy to resent or hate your children, but it isn't because you are a bad person. I think you might be ill and obviously the difficulties you are experiencing are only going to make it worse. It sounds like you've had a really hard time of it and although you might not like the idea, a course of anti-depressants and counselling will probably put you back on to the straight and narrow. Anti-depressants treat depression for what it is, an illness, a chemical imbalance in the brain. Speak to your GP and tell him how you have been feeling and he will be able to offer you some sound advice. If you have had a child in the last couple of years it may be post-natal, which would explain your feelings towards your children. My mum experienced the same sort of feelings and you aren't alone in this... Please seek help.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  7. dech3740 - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by dech3740 on September 30th, 2007 at 11:46 PM

    I know exactly how you feel! I've felt like this many times and still do sometimes, but it does get better as they get older, and gets worse at the same time because they're teenagers and that is different. You should really get some outside help for these feelings. You don't hate them, you hate yourself... it's hard to explain but it really has nothing to do with them, it's all about you and how you feel about yourself and your life...

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  9. respectable - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by respectable on October 3rd, 2007 at 8:58 PM

    You need to see a professional. It's quite possible you have a chemical imbalance that can be solved in 24 hours with the right treatment. You will feel better and so will your kids. By the way, no matter how much you hug them, if you think they don't know how you feel, you're fooling yourself. So part of the problem is that you are not getting help and things are getting worse because those kids feel the anger, hate, and resentment, and they are miserable. And they're kids, so go get the help you need. Quickly. Really really quickly. Tomorrow, first thing. You'll feel better the day after tomorrow.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  11. shamakakar - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by shamakakar on September 17th, 2009 at 4:18 PM

    i totally understand. i have a similar situation. i've been diagnosed with bipolar for about 10 years and i'm only 21. so if you need anyone to talk to, just get in touch. i'll be here.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

  13. jocysoul2 - 22-25 years old

    Posted by jocysoul2 on September 7th, 2010 at 2:27 AM

    Sometimes doing the same things every single day gets to you , but you must remember , what keeps our bodys alive is our soul and if u kill urself u will see people maybe hurting ur kids and u wont be able to do nothing about it, never do it cause once u are death ,regret will come to u and you cant return to ur body, try new stuff like 1 to 2 days a week finding some one to take care of ur kids and u and hubby going out to a movie , dinner etc. find a new hobby you can do. and start looking for a job that maes you happy , or study a short course of something interesting that u really like and get a better job. dont be afriad to move to another job , just try to study something u enjoy and finding a job in that. never regret ur kids cause eventho they sometimes dont behave good u were a kid once too and think about how would u have felt if ur mom killed herself . they are here on earth for a reason , just plan stuff for u and kids chart everyday. try to not do the same things repeatly. if u need someone for advice write to me

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  14. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 22nd, 2015 at 5:34AM

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