That impending doom

I knew there was something coming up but now I exactly know what it is..... I've just crushed my dreams along with that one and only chance at getting a better future  grrrr am so digested with myself I don't even deserve to live I belong in solitary confinement where my thoughts, guilt and regrets would eat me alive....There are things that you don't get another chance in...The worst thing is that I can't run away from it and start over I still have to keep living not because I want to, but because somehow we have to pay for the wreckage we've done in life :/ I just want to fix all that I can and I hate the feeling of owing someone something I have to even things out with those I care about at give them what they deserved so that I don't owe them all that niceness.....
:[ I'm the worst being to ever walk planet earth