Mum

I don't miss my mum.
She died a month ago and i never cried, never worried that she died.
Well, ok, i cried in the funeral, but, except that, i never cried again.
I can easily spend hours in the room she died, when my dad can't even make a step in.
I believe that i never loved her.
People tell me that it's normal, that i don't feel that bad at first, but it's been 43 days.
But i can't stand thinking i didn't love her.
I mean, when she had to stay in the hospital and it was like 4 or 5 days and i missed her.
I spent 23/24 hours a day with her. I couldn't imagine my life without her, even when she was so sick she couldn't speak.
I don't know how things are gonna end up.
Maybe, if i read this confession in a year, i'll realize i was wrong and delete it.
But maybe i'll contintue to feel the same way.