Am I Ready?

it has been about 5 days now that i have been feeling nauseous, from the time i awake till when i sleep and i even dream about it :/.
My friend convinced me to ask my partner to take me for a pregnancy test to rule it out or confirm. I gave him a call, he said he wouldn't take me, i almost burst into tears but had to hold it in because i didn't want my work mate to see how upset this made me. it was as though he didn't care or he was scared of know the truth.

finally i built up the courage to ask my work mate to take me to get one. A few minutes had passed and the woman told me the results were negative, i was so sure that i could have been and the thought secretly excited me whilst scaring me at the same time. i felt empty and emotionless when i received the results. in my head i keep thinking maybe its too early to tell if i really am pregnant, is this my way of telling myself that i'm disappointed and want to be pregnant?