Am I horrible friend?

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charmingpurple - 22-25 years old - female

Posted by charmingpurple
on June 25th, 2012 at 11:10 PM

I have this one friend. We knew each other since high school, and we're pretty close. We still keep in touch,  even though I moved to other city. The thing is, whenever she text me or call me, she always sounds so sad. She told me that her friends there treated her poorly, a boy that she really like apparently a playboy and soon to be father, her teachers were acting rude, she was sick, she was wondering why people so mean to her. and the list go on and on. At first I felt bad, (yes, felt, as in past tense) she sounded like really depressed and alone, like nobody care for her, so I try to be there for her even if only via phone and text.
Then its just getting old, she keeps complaining and complaining.Theoretically I understand she got a problem, she probably battle depression, and no one understand her. But I can't help but tired with her antics, and some part of me feel like she take me for granted. Almost all of our communications were all about her and her  problems. She rarely ask me how am I doing here, she just go straight to her problem at hand.  There were times where went over a month or so without any contact and then she just called me out of blue, and in the verge or tears said I think I'm gonna take suicide!!! What the hell was that??? Its really scared me (although I never believe she have a balls to do it, but its still shocking when someone that you know told you that she considered suicide). After that I tried harder to check in on her.
Last month she asked me to look for books for her project and I said yes. Unfortunately I got really sick, and I can't go out. She asked for that books in next days and I told her "sorry, I can't do that now, I'm not feeling well". She text me wished me to get better and then she stop texting and calling. Nothing. Then she texted me asked have I sent the books yet? It might be childish of me, but I feel mad. I already have the books and wrapped them, but I haven't sent it,I waited her to ask me if I already feel better. But not, she only ask her books, she can put that line somewhere before she asked for her books but she didn't. Then I just knew, that I'm not her friend, I'm just her basket case, someone that she can vent to and always be there... but she rarely show her interest in my well being. Its only about her. 
Do you think I'm horrible person if I stop talking to her, knowing well that she's dealing with depression? But in other hand, I feel that is not friendship, at least I don't think its healthy friendship. Is friendship about care and support each other? what do you think? Have you have friend like that? And what you do if you're in my shoes?

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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on August 15th, 2012 at 6:34 PM

    I have had friends like that..i feel the term 'friend' is not the right word applicable for people like them...i seem to be very bad at making 'friend's as the term means...I hope you are doing well now Charming!...sorry i just happened to read this confession today....

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:21PM

  3. charmingpurple - 22-25 years old - female

    Reply by charmingpurple Aug 16th, 2012 at 3:27AM

    Thank you Papri, I don't know what other thinks, but I think you seems very good friend for those who fortunate to know you :)


  4. Posted by An EP User on August 16th, 2012 at 3:11 AM

    I think with depressed people, they're struggling so much with what's going on inside, they might not be aware of how obnoxious it is for other people, especially people they just use to "offload" on. If she's been suicidal I think it's absolutely necessary to advise her she needs to speak to a professional; and keep reminding her to do that. Friendship is one thing. Having depression offloaded on you is something else. It's not your business to have it dumped on you, and it could make you ill if it keeps happening.

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  5. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 7:21PM

  6. charmingpurple - 22-25 years old - female

    Reply by charmingpurple Aug 16th, 2012 at 3:29AM

    Thanks JMO, though I kinda think she is more Drama Queen type than depressing, which sadly seems make it worse :(, but I don't think its my problem, she has to learn and see her error herself and grow up :)


  7. justmeonline - 36-40 years old - male

    Reply by justmeonline Aug 16th, 2012 at 3:32AM

    She might be a drama queen, but if she's contemplating suicide I think the responsible thing to do is tell her she needs professional advice. I do think that's really important.


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