Just another lost cause

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Killinger - 26-30 years old

Posted by Killinger
on June 27th, 2012 at 11:05 AM

Nothing is right. Not a d@mn thing I've ever tried to do or be has ever worked. People just use me until I a break and then blame me for breaking. I have no one and nothing. I'm going to kill myself soon. At least try to. God knows it hasn't worked all the other times I have tried. WHY???? Why live a life like this? Why must I? I never wanted this stupid f$cking "gift". I don't want it. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough. I want it to be over. I can't help anyone. I can't think. I don't want to feel. Nothingness is where I belong. Not even a memory. It makes me so angry to think that those who have hurt me so badly will feel bad for themselves when they find out. They will tell themselves that they always tried to help me, to love me and that I was always so troubled. It's always my fault. I'm not saying that I haven't done the wrong thing at times, because I have. Especially here lately. I wish I could change things. Unhurt those who are actually dear to me. It wont work and there is no way I can reach them. I can do no good for them. I am a lost and troubled person. So, really, there is nothing else that can be done. There is no help for me. No one to listen and understand. I've always tried to take care of those around me, and though I want to be strong, I'm realizing I need to be taken care of. Even as a child I never was. My mother and father never took care of anything. I am tired. There is nothing I can do and really I'm tired of b!tching about it. No one cares to listen anyway. Wish life was different.

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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Diamond2020 - 56-60 years old

    Posted by Diamond2020 on August 15th, 2012 at 1:56 AM

    If you can try not to dwell in the past.

    Look ahead as life is in the NOW.

    Life happens in the NOW.

    Look for your inner strength, what does not kill you, makes you stronger.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 18th, 2015 at 8:59PM

  3. extracaliber - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by extracaliber on January 14th, 2013 at 5:00 PM

    Wanna hang out?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 18th, 2015 at 8:59PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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