We were friends once

We've been friends for, gosh, 7 years or so and at times, we've been best of friends and you've been there for me when it was just downright bad and I called you in the middle of the night.

I can't imagine how many times I've done this, think about you and what we never had together and it hurts so bad, it does and I don't know why I just am not good enough for you. I mean, I'm probably not good enough to be your friend which is why we don't even hang out anymore. Because I'm not cool enough or not hot enough, definitely not fashionable enough. For years I tried to circle my entire life around you and like the things you like and buy the things you buy, but I'm not like that. I'm not rich like you and I'll never be able to afford the things you afford, not now at least.

I just want to be with you. Being with you makes me happy. I remember that first time when I found out you were attached. I was just crushed, so crushed and I cried, I just cried for days and god knows weeks. I remember so vividly I sat under that park in Sydney and I couldn't stop myself from crying. You were the one. Somehow deep in my brain it got etched in there that you were the one. 

I get jealous when you don't want to go out with me, I get paranoid when you don't answer my texts, I put considerable effort to "stalking" you and I even remove you from my Facebook Feed. 

I don't know what I want. I don't know that I want from you. I don't believe theres anything at all to be had, but you know what Ian Tan, I've been in love with you for some time now. Just so you know.