I miss my friend.

My bff from early childhood is a Meth addict. This woman is my soul mate. Our lives ran a very similar course. We were bonded through abuse and neglect as children. We found each other and managed to hold fast to one another for most of our young lives. We did everything together including drugs. By the time we both 18 drugs and each other were all we had and we remained in that haze of addiction, to drugs and to each other, until when I was 23 and I found out I was going to be a mother. I gave up everything from that moment on. I moved to a new city, where I knew no one, to escape temptation and begged her to come with me and get clean. By this time she alrdy had a child and I wanted what was best for all of us. She declined. I had no choice but to leave, but I continued calling and calling and begging and pleading to no avail. Eventually I realized staying clean with her in my life wasn't going to b a possibility and I let her go. Since this time she has had 2 more children which she has lost to cps and she has been in and out of jail more times than I can count. Sometimes i feel guilty for leaving her behind with an addiction that I helped create. I think of her everyday and often cry when I think of this beautiful smart fun caring artistic woman that is trapped somewhere inside that meth head. I miss her everyday. I haven't been able to make new friends because growing up as a child of chaos I find it rare that I am able to make a real connection with most women. I miss you friend and I hope so much for you to get well. I will be here waiting.