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I'm just not that guy

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JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss - 22-25 years old - male

Posted by JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss
on August 19th, 2012 at 3:56 AM


Most nights I lay in bed alone and don't give the fact that I'm alone a second thought. I'm used to it, it's not the downer at the end of the evening, especially since I've never really shared a bed with anyone. But there are some nights that I wish my animals weren't the only ones taking up so much room.
I'm not an ugly guy, if I really wanted to I could find someone to fix this temporary problem, but what would that really solve? Nothing, except adding to my list of character flaws. Besides, I've never really been the kind of guy to just sleep with women just for the sake of sleeping with them, nor have I ever seen myself becoming that person, so I don't really want to start.
Although the hormonal temptation is strong, the temptation to practice a little self control and respect seems to win out. Call me crazy, I really would like to be the one in my bed to be the same one I'm dating, or even at least have an amazing emotional connection with. I say that because I also realize that I'm not likely to ever be dating someone ever again. I'm not the guy that girls should find themselves involved with, even just branching out to just talk to girls, other than my best friend who is a girl, makes me worried.
That being said, with low prospect of ever having a girlfriend, one might say I could justify some type of man-***** behavior, and I could see that side too, but I still struggle with the lack of connection.
I'm an old fashioned kinda kid, I guess, I can't hang with my other twenty-something peers when it comes to quantity versus quality, but then again, as one of my gay buds told me, something is better than nothing. There could be some truth to this, but I think this was another attempt at getting me to share HIS bed. It's not like I haven't been there before when I was younger and trying to figure things out, who's to say I have things figures out at all, but at this time I had to decline because he just wouldn't be my type I don't think.
For now, I'll make do with the playful thoughts in my head of people who probably have no idea I might even think of them like that, make do with my dreams, and deal with the animals being the ones snuggling up to me instead of a human special someone.

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4 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on August 19th, 2012 at 4:04 AM

    Man, tell me about it, I'm in the same boat. Pretty creepy how almost exact your situation is to mine man. Hang in there dude, all the best.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:19AM

  3. emdi - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by emdi on August 19th, 2012 at 4:15 AM

    Amazing how similar this is to how I've always felt too. It's like a line between an asexual sexuality or pansexual sexuality if that makes any sense...  

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:19AM

  5. JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss - 22-25 years old - male

    Reply by JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss Aug 19th, 2012 at 12:40PM

    Pansexual?

    Reply

  6. emdi - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by emdi Aug 21st, 2012 at 11:03PM

    Im not making any sense, but pansexual is like an omni sexuality where gender and or gender identity doesn't really matter. It's basically purely for the inside and love itself...

    Reply

  7. Rawan5 - 16-17 years old - female

    Posted by Rawan5 on August 19th, 2012 at 5:36 AM

    Don't be frustrated ! Give it time.. And this perfect girl will show up to you ! And smart girls like your type believe me ! & about your old fashion of.. The new fashion now is the old one ;) cheers !

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:19AM

  9. Posted by An EP User on August 19th, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    I think you are doing the right thing by holding out! I believe that to share something so personal and special of oneself without an emotional connection is far lonelier than being alone. Well for some people anyhow and I think you are one of those.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Dec 19th, 2014 at 5:19AM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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