Tired of living

I do understand, it happened to me too but you know we sometimes have to witness evil in the workd to know it exists. Those who abuse are attracted to your love and light and as they are void of or lacking through insecurity they get their hands on you and abuse you to extract your light. ie thats why peodophiles go after the purity and untouched innocence and love of a child because they live in darkness and they try to get access to the soul. I am by no means excusing it, its absolutely not right and unnaceptable but God is a God of laws and His eternal laws have consequences so breaking them has negative effects which sadly we have to suffer. Its is the failure to have God in our lives and keeping our decendents safe from evil that gives birth to a huge amount of socipaths/psychopaths who were the wolves in sheeps clothing that Jesus taught about. I understand now fully why he taught that they should be prayed for and forgiven too fully and why some have power over their enemies is because not one of us is innocent and we have to pray for the sins of our ancestors and ours which have led us to this suffering. I really started to understand it with a full heart of compassion when my daughter who is afflicted with this condition was born, she had half my genes and half her fathers who was on the socipathic scales. I read a really good book called Without Conscience and then also a book called just like his father. It is easy to be driven to distraction bring up a child who is constantly drawn in her heart to do wrong and also has limited range of emotional response. It is so easy to attack them for their failings but I have come to see it as an emotional disability and she was born as a result of my sins. I was attracted to her father partly for his looks, power, percieved wealth and I also hurt a loving boyfriend to be with her father. I ended up being abused emotionally and restricted in everything, I was emotionally manipulated into a corner about everything and eventually I cracked and had a nervous breakdown. Everything I realise I despised about him like emotional manipulation, working things to his advantage, taking credit for others work, making people think he was something he wasnt - basically all his worst qualities I displayed too if I was brutally honest with myself. They may not have been so obvious and apparent as his but they were there - God just presented me with a giant mirror image of my issues I should work on - my anger, my poor financial decisions, pretending all was ok. I had to get real with myself and not go the ways of the world. So given my choices, and now knowing that the worst offenders on the socioapothic scales have always even by parents who should love them and be sensitive to them have been called evil, naughty, plain bad ad they dont understand why they do it, they are just drawn to it naturally because its the seed of adultry with the devil and poor choices of the parents - they are equally to blame for their childrens condition and only love, God, understanding and prayer can break the hold on their souls to here their guardian angels - the matters are discussed in detail too in Lorna Byrnes books Angels in My Hair and Stairways to Heaven. I thoroughly recoimmend them anyway and you get a better understanding of God and his love and wishes but the key to freedom and happiness is taking accountability before him. God bless and good luck x