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Hypnotixtic - 18-21 years old - female

Posted by Hypnotixtic
on September 13th, 2012 at 5:19 PM

I'm not sure really what's wrong with me. I always feel trapped, like I can never be free. No matter where I am I am never home, never truely happy. I fail. At most relationships, I'm always too emotional, too dependent on affection. It's been something I've been trying really hard on to fix. But I can't help it, it physically hurts me when I even start to feel neglected. I am way to clingy, almost no amount of attention is enough. My moods go crazy all the time, it's like my emotions are on a roller coaster all the time! I can be so happy and full of hope and prospect and then I wake up,the next day and am filled with this horrible and deperate sadness and longing. I love super quickly but the issue is, no one has been able to hold my interest long enough for me to have a relationship longer than a year. I get jealous, oh god so jealous, so easily. I shove it down now, try and logic it out in my mind, but it is always there. I want to get better so badly but... I don't even know what is wrong with me!

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4 Comments (add your own)

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  1. NotLarryBubkiss - 36-40 years old - male

    Posted by NotLarryBubkiss on September 13th, 2012 at 5:40 PM

    call me

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Jan 31st, 2015 at 12:50PM

  3. Hypnotixtic - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by Hypnotixtic Sep 13th, 2012 at 5:45PM



  4. Triundi - 26-30 years old - male

    Reply by Triundi Sep 19th, 2012 at 1:46AM



    1 more reply
  5. Lark33 - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by Lark33 on September 15th, 2012 at 2:05 AM

    None of what you went through was your fault!

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Jan 31st, 2015 at 12:50PM

  7. cuddlybear - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by cuddlybear on November 12th, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    What do you think is too dependent on physical affection?

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Jan 31st, 2015 at 12:50PM

  9. Johnny88 - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by Johnny88 on January 17th, 2015 at 5:33 AM

    I think if you put too much effort into changing, you will just frustrate yourself. In fact effort misses the point. I think becoming aware of your thoughts, the way your body reacts to the thought and the way you behave through the accumulation of very long-held thought patterns.

    The first thing recognising the thoughts does, is allow you to see it less personally. You begin to recognise the same thought patterns appearing again and again. I'm sorry to use the word, but it is a bit like being programmed.

    I imagine you make a lot of mistakes in avoiding the feelings of neglect. Don't avoid it, become curious by it. When the feeling arises, just look at it and think, 'hmmm... I wonder what this leads to ...' and you begin to 'burst bubbles' as I call it; when you recognise certain ingrained thoughts, you have an 'aha' moment and the thoughts don't bother you, as you recognise them in a less attached way.

    I think we have to accept we are ****** up though, and no matter how we view recovery, it isn't easy. The instant recoveries seem to be about luck and not necessarily method. So, don't think you should be able to cope or be better, you have to be patient. Even the trying to rationalise how you feel etc can just be another way the mind is problem solving, you can come aware of this sometimes and it just ceases to continue or becomes less burdening.

    Another thing I would say is, if your emotions are all over the place don't react to them automatically. It is great that you are noticing feelings of love and all that malarky as not genuine, just from insecurity. THat is a great insight that not many people are able to fully grasp. Try not to hide from emotions but to follow their trail. It can be quite interesting, observing the internal mind-body, although it is still painful.

    Wish you well. It is difficult but better still difficulty than settling for men and people that haven't much respect for you and recognising that they come and go but they aren't going to make you feel better in the long run.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Jan 31st, 2015 at 12:50PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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