How to forget your true love when it has gone away from you?

Hi Sarah, I know how you feel. I'm a mess, a man mess. I've known the guy for half my life, I fell in love with him straight away. Since the very beginning i've never let him know how I felt, when we were younger i always played cool and acted like I didn't care, I always kept him at arms length because I was happier to have it that way rather than get hurt, which I did anyway. He was never a heart pourer either but I definitely didn't give him any occasion to be. But behind what wasnt said my heart was exploding. We both had relationships with other people over the years -long and short- but the chemistry between us always overpowered anything else. When I was twenty I was in a relationship for a few years and got pregnant, while I was in this relationship he starting going out with a girl he had been with before he met me and they're still going out 8 years on. We don't meet often but when we do it throws me so intensely, he has tried it on with me but I had always refused until five months ago, I was just home from a long trip and I met him at a party after quite a few drinks and we shared a cab home which obviously was a bad idea, ever since I have felt so guilty. So I have tried to ignore him, not give him any signals, keep out of his way but he seems to be everywhere lately and I'm struggling.



I rarely date with anyone, I was never a girl for kissing guys I don't know in nightclubs perhaps that has made me a little naive still being in love with the first guy I slept with, but the feeling isn't going anywhere and i'm going crazy.



Now for the worst part: Not only is girlfriend is a sweetheart, but her health has suffered over the past four years and she is in and out of hospital constantly. He has been there for her all along, but due to her condition their relationship has not been sexual, she relies on him so much for any bit of positivity about the future and it would kill her if she ever knew what happened. While I want him, I certainly don't want to cause her any more pain .

I feel so out of control, i'm scared because I know that I have a weakness for him and cant think straight when i'm around him. I dont want to cause any more damage, I need to find a way to forget about him.