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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on November 21st, 2012 at 8:22 PM

I'm transforming... and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm slowly losing a grip on who I was, someone who I actually liked. Instead, I'm becoming this hideous bitter thing. I'm saying cynical things I don't mean, I'm acting disrespectful, and the scariest part is that I think I'm losing my compassion. When I was a kid, I was only ever compassionate. I loved people and animals and everything, really. I listened and learned about everyone. Now, its almost as if I have to WILL myself to do it. I backtalk my superiors and my colleagues, and I only enjoy things in a dark, twisted light. I used to be downright respectful and, well, happy. I still feel it though; that pure innocent part of me, its somewhere. Not here though. It's watching me while I morph and judges me which trying to flee. I want to yell at myself. "STOP! What are you doing these are people, people you love, people that care about you! Have you any decency?!" It can't be gone. The only good traits about me gone, but without them, I'm nothing. What have I become? Who am I? Can you tell me? Because I sure can't.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Bitter with the world, like the evil, greedy side of you is taking over. It's just that it feels like I'm in mourning for someone I can't afford to lose. I can't lose the good side of me... It's the only thing that keeps me sane.

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5 Comments (add your own)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on November 21st, 2012 at 8:27 PM

    You need a spa day.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 4:17PM

  3. liv2float - 36-40 years old - male

    Posted by liv2float on November 21st, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    Thats was a bad place for me, It was hard work, but i am on my way back. Left a lot of stuff and people behind but the effort has made my life feel like me again.

    Good luck which ever way choose to turn.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 4:17PM

  5. toi69 - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by toi69 on November 21st, 2012 at 8:49 PM

    it sounds like you are out of balance...and giving far too much of yourself to other people w/o asking for anything in return, it is this action that creates a void within you...when all you are doing is taking care of other people and not looking out for number one people feed off that amazing energy that you put out and begin to take advantage of it. you need some serious time for you to meditate..pray...bathe whatever it takes to relax that's what you need. there's this awesome word in the english language called NO. you have to replenish your energy and align your chakras so that you are back in a harmonious state this and that will keep the bitterness away.

    Love .

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 4:17PM

  7. ChellyRocker - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by ChellyRocker on November 21st, 2012 at 9:03 PM

    I understand. I've been going through a few of the same things too...

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 4:17PM

  9. someday2012 - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by someday2012 on November 21st, 2012 at 10:04 PM

    I have been fighting an inner battle similar to this for a while now. It is a tough struggle, I know. I think that the world...such as it is, has a lot to do with it. Or maybe, I'm just bitter at not becoming what I wanted in life, or having what I want in life. Angry at myself, and the world. Some days, it is scary. Some days, I get angry or sad, and yes very cynical about everything. And some days, I just don't give a flying purple fart about anything at all. I don't know if I'm trying to surround myself with a tough outer shell of some sort, as a protection from the insanity of the world. But when we do that...I think we keep the good things in life from getting in...idk. Hope things get better for you :D

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 4:17PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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