Posted by Caitlinsmith1636
on November 26th, 2012 at 1:47 PM
well today i am supposedly "sick" but actually just need to do some work i did not take time to do over the thanksgiving brake :P the funny thing is i would much rather have been doing work than being with my family because it made me think about stuff i had shoved back into the back of my mind. what made it worse was the mask i had to wear and i walked and stained my face with tears. walking on the path i hoped maybe he would come into ghost form and leave foot prints in the sand beside me. i tried pulling myself together but did not do so well at all. when i cam back into the house we watched a scary movie which brought it up even more because there was a funeral scene. when i write out my feelings at school i had a prep have the nerve to say "is that your suicide note"? i almost wanted to reply "yes, want to help for once"? but i kept my mouth shut and shook my head no. it takes a lot out of me just to not kill ten people off a day. well i do kill them just inside my head, i do that a lot but i have to just to stay sane and not enrage upon them. this confession took a turn for what i knew it would since it is the only thing weighing on my mind. i have never been so depressed. even when we go out and i have guys gawk at me for who knows why i couldn't care less because the person i want it to be is not there. what hurt the worst was seeing someone like an older version of him walking through wal-mart and he stared at me like he knew me and almost approached me. i thought my heart would explode and think it would have if he would have spoken and his voice resembled my babies. i just wish i could play god for a day to have him back but i know that is not possible so i might as well quit wishing.
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