The beginning of the end

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JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss - 22-25 years old - male

Posted by JustAFriendlyNinjaKiss
on December 11th, 2012 at 11:41 AM

Somehow, today, I don't feel like I'll make it to tomorrow.  I'm so sick of feeling the way I do, and more importantly, I'm so sick of making other people feel the way they feel because of me.  I simply can't do all this heartache, this crying, this hoping, just, this, anymore. 
My glock is right next to me, and this time I've actually put the mag in, and the only thing it's waiting for is me to pull the trigger.  It's early in the day and there's a few things I need to get in order.  I don't see anything coming my way that would really give me a reason not to do this.  Anyone that would have cared before doesn't care now so there's really no point in worrying about what it would do to them.   I've wasted every chance I've had to make things good and I just can't pull it off.  I just can't do this "life" thing right, this "friend" thing right, much of anything right. 
So yes, the end is near, and this is just the beginning of it.  After everything is done today, then so am I.

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6 Comments (add your own)

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  1. justlana - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by justlana on December 11th, 2012 at 11:49 AM

    Life will get better, please don't kill yourself. You were given a life and you should make the best of it. Even if you don't measure up... its alright. I also have a bad at life and I've thought about suicide too. Even though life sucks, I still have hope one day it will change. Believe me things will get better.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

  3. Savedbyfaith - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by Savedbyfaith on December 11th, 2012 at 11:49 AM

    Taking your life is not the answer please... God loves you and I do I don't know you but I care. You may feel like it's the end of the world but it's not it's just the beginning. Please know I have felt the same way you have to start with loving yourself first then others will love you more and you will see it then. I don't know if you believe in God but he is real he is a healer of all things.. I'm praying for you

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

  5. Neminia - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by Neminia on December 11th, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    In my opinion there are no right ways to do things. Sure, there is the socially-accepted-way and then there is the free-way. The way you've dealt with your life and relationships and all that may not seem like the "right" way. However it is the way you've done them and you shouldn't care what other people think about it. If they don't keep in-touch with you, too bad for them. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to live your life. It may feel like you have no options left to make your life better, but there is always hope.(As cliché as it sounds). Even though this text may not make you hold on to life for one more day, know that I care for you even though I don't know you. This is not a lie. I love you just because you are alive and you are you. We will never meet but it doesn't change that. Believe me if you will, that is still the truth.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

  7. Posted by An EP User on December 11th, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    Duuuude, stop =/

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  8. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

  9. idlewatcher - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by idlewatcher on December 11th, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    Need to take a step back and look at your situation objectively. Seeing as it is YOUR life, it's easy to be subjective and discount all of the other important things. If your life isn't going the direction in which you'd prefer, it's time for a change - but NOT a permanent change.

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  10. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

  11. SB778 - 18-21 years old

    Posted by SB778 on December 11th, 2012 at 7:40 PM

    You are so much stronger then you think. Don't end it there is so much to look forward in life and so many people care about you even though it may not seem like it. You are on this Earth because you have something special to give and you should wait until you can give it to us.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  12. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 26th, 2015 at 9:05PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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