What I Really Want for Christmas

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on December 19th, 2012 at 12:22 AM

I always give the standard suggestions to the few people who are there to give me anything. A set of towels, a new saute pan. Sometimes, a bottle of Svedka vodka. But I dare not tell anyone the truth.

I am getting into my golden years now and have never had a relationship with a man. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a nice boyfriend who liked me just as I liked him. But then again, I was always an ugly little girl. Unlike the fairy tales, it didn't get better as I aged. Now, it just keeps getting worse. I have never been asked out or even to dance. I've never been a blind date (no one would do that to a friend).I did try exercising, make up, hair styles, nice clothes, but all of that stuff was just stuff on me. I always dreamed, however, that I would be loved and someone would ask me to marry him. I would receive a beautiful engagement ring. But I've faced the facts and it ain't gonna happen.

What I really want is a fake engagement ring that I can hide someplace in my home and when I know I am absolutely alone and no one would see me, I would put it on my finger and pretend. I would look at it and smile as it sparkles. Of course it wouldn't look like a real one, but for a few moments, it would be real for me. 

I cannot go to a store and buy my own, out of shame. I am disabled and on a fixed income, so I really haven't been able to even order one. Maybe some day, if I save like maybe a buck or two a month, I can do it. Ah well, there it is. I've said it and no one who knows me will know. =)

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  1. Posted by An EP User on December 19th, 2012 at 12:43 AM

    If it will make you feel good and you can come up with the money, you should go for it! No man, marriage, or mess required! I had decided to buy myself a nice ring (not a real diamond, but nice) if I wasn't engaged or married by 30 (even had the ring picked out online). I'm 35 now and still don't have it or the means to buy one and have given up on the idea. Jewelry or possessions, in general, no longer matter to me like they did before. I applaud you for not letting a man, or lack thereof, keep you from going after your own happiness.

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  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 17th, 2015 at 11:26PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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