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Why is it people do that?

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Ankhou - 18-21 years old

Posted by Ankhou
on December 19th, 2012 at 12:46 AM


I've never been the type of person who had much friends. Not all could understand my weirdness. That's why I was her friend for more than three years.
I guess I knew she would leave and forget me when the school was over. Maybe feared that moment.

She was a less of a friend to me. When I stopped talking, she didn't care. I listened her though. I wanted to be next to her. I looked up to her. Unconiously I copied her way of talking, thinking, feeling. She confided to me on a regular basis and I felt happy and special when she did. I've put myself for her, to be hurt. I didn't care.

I've always felt I was doing something wrong, and our relationship was fake. She faked everything, and never really opened up to me. Manipulating me. I knew but I wanted to be close to her. You know that dependancy, when you just know whatever you do, you'll end up againwith same person? She was like drugs to me. I couldn't be real friends with anybody elce, as I am not able to open myself anymore. I feel as if they wouldn't understand, I would be rejected, ignored even if I do open up.
My words became my enemy, as none would come out. Not long after everybody started flowing away from me. Nobody really listened.

Now I feel she was sticking to me, because I was needed. She recognised I am to be manipulated. She recognised my weakness. She needed me more than I needed her. I was the only fool who stick with her for the past three years, as she said. From her mouth to my ears.

I feel like a monster now. Big, fat waste of time. I am nothing next to her. I am weak. Why am I weak?

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  1. Zukah - 36-40 years old

    Posted by Zukah on December 20th, 2012 at 12:59 AM

    This is one situation where it is easy to give advice, but tough to implement it. Try to do something different - it can come in any form. Go watch movies alone, read books, read poetry. Find out who you are, try to figure out what things you like. Pamper yourself. Give yourself the attention you deserve - don't wait for someone else to give it to you. Go for a walk somewhere. Smile at someone who you think needs to see a smile. See if you can adopt a pet. Volunteer for kids or older people.



    If nothing else, these things will keep you busy. They might also result in an insight that helps you see the situation differently and find more like minded people. I don't know if you are in High School - but there is a phase where most people are very self-centered, but once you get out of that phase, you'll find more people who are open to two-way friendships.



    I know you will find a way out - the question is just how soon - so if you stop focusing on how soon - and just start to think of things you can do till you arrive there (imagining that its just a really long train ride) - you'll find one day that you've arrived!

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

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