In The Course of Time

I am still greatly troubled by my past. But as of late I have been making a whole new series of mistakes. I ruined things with a perfect woman. My fear and inadequacy once again has ruined a chance at happiness. She sang like an angel and played a piano as easily as most people sign their name. She smiled a lot, a brought light to all things. I want so deeply to find that person that can heal my blackened heart. I am so cautious. I have built so many walls that my heart can no longer even sense the sky. I need love. I have been hurting so much for so long. When will I find what I need. The seasonal spirit just reminds me of my loneliness. I need someone to need me beyond all of these trivial fritterings. Life has been hard and harsh. I am tired of preparing for my future with only myself in mind. Not sure what to think or do. Not much optimism left. Just lonely I suppose. Good wishes and cheer. Farewell.