Being Fat (Fighting Fat Phobia)

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ResidentGoddessAstraea - 18-21 years old

Posted by ResidentGoddessAstraea
on December 20th, 2012 at 3:46 PM

I finally remember everything about being fat as a child. When I was fat, I started to enjoy how it felt and I was already able to think; "If all I do is sit around all day anyway, then why not be fat?" However, I was hurt, thinking that it was good to be chubby in my family and instead hearing everyone criticize or chastise me for not staying thin. It didn't make sense, apparently they only liked my 'chubby cheeks' and at age 10, I could not have that anymore either. I was desparately looking for someone who sympathized, thought that what I thought was normal, and that I was right in thinking not everyone should have such a strong opinion against something so normal. Regardless, I was disappointed time and again. I feel like my innocence was partially destroyed here, because I could no longer trust people to be decent to me. I never ended up believing I should not be fat until the showdown I remember with my mom:

She said to me crying that she was really worried about my health. I insisted that nothing was wrong with me. But then she exclaimed that I was getting fat. Then, I replied that nothing was really wrong with being fat and I thought I would become fat because I enjoyed it more than being normal. Then, she got even more upset and pleaded that I change my mind. I insisted there was no reason to change. She insisted until she brought up the point that my father had been giving me lots of junk food. I decided that junk food was bad for a reason (but I didn't consider foods junk if they had vitamins and minerals), and I decided that if I had gained weight in an unhealthy way, then I would lose it to purify myself. However, I kept in mind that being fat was not necessarily unhealthy and decided that if I got fat and couldn't lose the weight, then I would stay that way. However, when I lost the weight with no significant help or effort I decided I should avoid being fat because there may be a reason behind what everyone was saying.
I did not feel much better losing the weight (it was really just a phase of childhood that everyone goes through at that age), but I decided I should try to be healthy more in the mindset that working out was the best to do. I exercised more when I encountered the show Naruto because I felt like I should be just like Naruto, and that was when I also started eating less than normal (mostly cause my packed lunches were bad) and this revealed the other end of the spectrum, that even though I was not eating healthier and not eating enough, that exercise made me much healthier even though I still never felt very capable in the end. I feel like these time periods may have contributed to sixth grade where I had a long mental breakdown and literally was on the edge of failing elementary school against my own will. I felt like everything was so worthless and I never wanted to go to Middle School or High School cause I never felt like I could be ready.

Now I am a far wiser person and I do not believe I need to stay skinny, but I will try my best to be healthy. As for school, I am determined to be something better so I am no longer trapped in my family and I can live a life with more enjoyment than what my dreadfully boring childhood was like. I feel now that I wish no one had gotten mad at my weight because I now know that it had an effect on my family situation and had me hide from who I really was to please others, more than I already did.

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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. mlachi214 - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by mlachi214 on March 1st, 2013 at 5:21 AM

    wow that is such a hot story message me please and tell me more like ur current status ect. im 249 now ive goten fat myself

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 27th, 2015 at 7:43PM

  3. iammarek - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by iammarek on October 23rd, 2014 at 3:22 PM

    I find fat to be very sexy - especially on a good looking person! ;)

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 27th, 2015 at 7:43PM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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