This is closure for me, so whether you read it or not is inconsequential. After I write it, I will print it up and burn it, which will let it go out into the universe.
It’s been some time since I’ve visited this site and since my feelings for you have cooled…several years in fact. To be able to step back from a situation and look at it objectively is refreshing. At the present time, I can honestly say I can’t believe I was actually in love with you. What’s worse is I couldn’t keep it to myself and that’s what I regret the most.
I think the years in between me seeing you last and confessing my feelings made me forget why I never became intimate with you to begin with. The day we met I was warned about you. I was told you were a man who came onto every woman he was attracted to, which is basically almost every woman you came in contact with. My guard was up from the start, but I was already attached so you knew better than to try and play me. We became friends and I eventually developed feelings for you, but, like I said, I was rational and realistic, plus I knew what I had to lose. Most of all, I knew the deal about you, so I never said anything.
Flash forward years later and I made the mistake of disclosing my past feelings. I was going through some turmoil and I honestly didn’t think about the ramifications of opening myself up. Our communication should have ended back then, but I keep it going and for that I’m sorry. There was no planned malice against you nor was your attention an ego boost for me. Through it all you were my friend, first and foremost, and you shouldn’t have had to endure what I put you through.
We’re no longer friends now, so I’ll be blunt. You have beliefs about me which are false. I can’t change your opinion. Believe what you want. The truth is I’m a woman who has better things to do than to sit on the computer all day thinking of ways to torture you. I’m not in middle school. I don’t play childish games. If you really knew the content of my character, you never would have accused me to begin with. I’ve never looked for ways to hurt you. I don’t care who you’re involved with or what you do with that person.
You insulted me by saying I can’t keep secrets. FYI, I kept this secret for years… I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but now I’ll tell you exactly what I think of you.
You’re a broken human being. You’re an emotional cripple. You don’t love yourself, so how could I expect you to love me. I came to this realization several years ago, so don’t believe for one minute I’m saying it out of anger. I’m not angry at you. I just don’t want anything to do with you. You cease to exist for me. You wanted it this way and you got your wish. I thank God you’re out of my life, because I won’t waste another second thinking about you or worrying that you’re unhappy.
Too many tears were wasted for years crying over you from a good woman who truly cared for you. I don’t love easily, but when I do love it’s with my whole heart. You lost a friend who would have stood by you your entire life and I lost someone who never bothered to contact me unless he was contacted first. All I lost was a one-sided friendship from someone who never really knew me and never really cared to.