just to write how i feel for let something out

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on December 27th, 2012 at 8:20 PM

if someone would ask me "are you suicidal?" i would laugh. how can u be suicidal when you're already dead inside? suicidal people want to kill everything. they are broken. in every way. but if you don't have nothing to kill? if i had a fairy godmother with 3 magical wishes i could wish...the first would be "Let me understand myself. its too much to walk in the dark. to wake up in one morning and feel love life... and the next day to feel completely out. to hit the walls to broken everything that is in the reach of your hands.... it is the worst not to know what you want, believe me... I never can tell my life story... I tried it a professional person, a therapist, when she started to cry...i quit telling everything. i think about it as nothing. there are people with something even worse to tell. My boyfriend loves me too dearly. I ask myself "why?" i am complicated as hell. i cause him too many problems, i hurt him too much. i am too damaged. i feel so bad. i don't deserve love. i don't want to be here. i am only here cause of my mother. she doesn't have no one.. i can't do this to her. even if i am no more than alive. just a body, a cell.......i need to make sure she is ok

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3 Comments (add your own)

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  1. mandyvargas18 - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by mandyvargas18 on December 27th, 2012 at 8:43 PM

    I understand how u feel. I had a bf that loved me and cared so much and I always thought I was damaged and don't deserve him or love or caring. I felt like I was a big piece of **** like nobody could understand and ive even tried to tell people bout my life and I just get tears or im sorry or I cant believe ur still alive. I know somewhat what u feel bout ur mother to but my sisters have her and bs but im here for u even though u don't know me.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 19th, 2015 at 9:03PM

  3. BrowniesSpecial - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by BrowniesSpecial on December 27th, 2012 at 8:43 PM

    Time heals some pain. Therapists are there to listen, sometimes they cannot help. It doesn't mean that you are unhelpable. Maybe you need a new one, maybe you just need more time, maybe you need too many happy new memories to replace the bad.

    There is this thing, it is called the law of attraction and if you keep thinking bad like you do not deserve love, you cause too many problems etc, that is what you will always get back. If you instead believe you do deserve it, you are going to smile more one day, you will hurt less and less and you will be happier, then that will come to you.

    I hope you are able to find yourself, just dont be too upset if you never quite figure it out, you might just really be that complicated and that is okay, all of it is okay, you are you and people do love you so I think you must be something worth a damn.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 19th, 2015 at 9:03PM

  5. jeremyleaves - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by jeremyleaves on December 28th, 2012 at 1:27 AM

    I would wish to be truly happy. And then save the other two for rainy days...

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  6. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User Apr 19th, 2015 at 9:03PM

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