Losing myself

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Anonymous User

Posted by Anonymous
on January 8th, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Looking back I have always felt different, and that difference seemed to offend other people. I was never what a boy or man was supposed to be. I didn’t fit in with the other boys as I didn’t like football and was more timid and thoughtful. That difference was eventually bullied out of me until I feel in line with the norm. At the time I thought that the difference was the fact that I was gay and in part it was. I immediately began rejecting the norm and thought that I could finally ‘be me.’ I did not realise that in rejecting family and friends that I was destroying the thing that made me different. The difference wasn’t the fact that I was more interested in men than women it was my kind and empathic nature that made me stand out.  It was this part of my nature that was bullied away and buried deep. It was this part of my nature that brought my light into the world but it was also the part that made me feel every painful word that was spoken to me, from other kids, family members, teachers and priests. Although they dimmed my light, I was the one to bury it. I buried my feels and left in order to protect myself. I did not realise that in doing so I was rejecting a crucial part of myself. I withdraw from people and retreated into myself. In doing so, I withdraw my light from the world. I am beginning to see that I should not be ashamed or embarrassed to show kindness. In not showing it I am rejecting my very nature and damaging myself and other people. We all need to let are light shine even when others try to blow it out. 

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2 Comments (add your own)

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  1. ilovenellyxoxo - 16-17 years old

    Posted by ilovenellyxoxo on January 8th, 2013 at 5:23 PM

    Thank u

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  2. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 3:10AM

  3. hairydolphin - 61-65 years old

    Posted by hairydolphin on January 9th, 2013 at 10:38 AM

    You are sharing from your heart and that takes a lot of courage. We all need to honor ourselves and be authentic. Sharing love and compassion to others is something to be very proud of. It reflects your basic goodness. I too am gay, but old so like all older people, I am confronted with inevitable changes and challenges. All you can do is your best. Don't live your life based on the expectations of others. Be true to yourself (as William Shakespeare said). Good luck on your journey

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  4. Anonymous

    Reply by An EP User May 4th, 2015 at 3:10AM

Experience Project is a community based on authenticity, support, and respect. EP encourages you to post with these values in mind.

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