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BloodRedShadow - 18-21 years old

Posted by BloodRedShadow
on January 21st, 2013 at 9:21 PM


I've always identified as female. Always. I wouldn't play with the boys when I was a kid, no, I was always with the others girls. People thought I was a little odd, but that's them. I am who I am.
But there is this constant fear of people knowing and of secrets being told, especially when you pile secret upon secret. The only I fear though, is my secret. I'm trans. Mtf. My secret is the pain it causes me, the hell I've endured, and the people I've known who accept this part of me. One of them actually told me once, she could never see me as a guy, only a woman. This touched me to the core of my being.
Another one I'm absolutely flattered by is here on EP. We've been pals, yeah, good pals. We've laughed together, cried together, given each other advice, and have been tough through it all. Even when I went through a (rather pathetic) phase of trying to actually be a man, she would not call me by my name...granted she had other reasons, but it's still touching to me. And how we've never really gotten in to too much of an argument surprises me, pleasantly. Conflicting personalities and all. But she's a sweetie! ^-^
My mum knows, and she is greatly accepting. House rules include using feminine pronouns for me. Just for Maia and Emolia, no one else really lives here, lol.
Most of my friends don't know, and it's perfectly fine. We'll grow apart anyway. I'll have new friends come and go. That's life. For now, I do what I gotta do. ^-^

Thanks for reading my rant, cya! ^-^

-Amber D.

Vote up! 4

4 Comments (add your own)

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  1. meezkite - 56-60 years old - male

    Posted by meezkite on January 21st, 2013 at 9:29 PM

    Dear Amber,



    You are a wonderful person no matter what gender you indentify with. Live the life you dream about, and enjoy being the beautiful person you are. Gender identity has nothing to do with the genitals ... it has to do with your mind and your feelings.



    I consider myself very lucky to have known transgender people, as well as people who are male, female, intersexed, gay, bi, straight, black, brown, white, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, rich, middle class, poor, etc.



    Wishing you the best of luck!!!

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  2. BloodRedShadow - 18-21 years old

    Reply by BloodRedShadow Jan 21st, 2013 at 9:31PM

    You are a kind soul. An old kind soul. What a rarity. ^-^

    Reply

  3. thisaccountisgone - 18-21 years old - female

    Posted by thisaccountisgone on January 22nd, 2013 at 5:51 PM

    yer always gonna be amber :D i dont know you as a guy, only amber :)

    Reply | 2dislike | Flag

  4. BloodRedShadow - 18-21 years old

    Reply by BloodRedShadow Jan 22nd, 2013 at 5:51PM

    Christine...thank you so much.

    Reply

  5. thisaccountisgone - 18-21 years old - female

    Reply by thisaccountisgone Jan 22nd, 2013 at 5:52PM

    ye know am always gonna be here for you :) i owe you so much

    Reply

  6. BlueDays7 - 22-25 years old - male

    Posted by BlueDays7 on July 10th, 2013 at 1:38 AM

    I just read a few of your stories and in a few words I can tell your as tough as they come. I imagine you alone out on a battle field against a huge army but your the one afraid they are. You are made of grit but you do in a beautiful way, thank you your a rose in a desert I hope things work out for you.

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

  7. BloodRedShadow - 18-21 years old

    Reply by BloodRedShadow Jul 10th, 2013 at 1:39AM

    Awww, now you're a sweet one too. ^-^

    Reply

  8. Posted by An EP User on July 25th, 2013 at 4:09 AM

    Hi Red ,I now know You as amber and that is who youll always be for Me ,I wish i could do something actually constructive for you to negate your daily pain But that gift is denied Me , please know Im here for You if you ever need someone to lean on. I know a bit about not being allowed to be who you really are because of cruel societies expectations. But maybe not to the extent that You suffer , anyway Im here for You if you ever need Me

    Reply | 1dislike | Flag

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