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State Of Mines

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hwood773 - 26-30 years old - male

Posted by hwood773
on January 22nd, 2013 at 4:34 PM


WHO THE HELL AM I? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?...Those are the two messages that run through my head over and over again like news banners at the bottom of your tv. Breaking News: ME. Everyday the sky becomes darker and the floor beneath me becomes harder. What happened? im the main actor in a series of struggles, Help! They laugh at me, Help! They point and taunt, SERIOUSLY! they bust out hysterically. Whats wrong with me? why am i not motivated by there laughter? why dont i try to swim? why do i continue to feel more and more comfortable with the idea of just sinking. Weak?  i guess so, i dont even have the strength to fight back, i agree with you im all that you say i am. go ahead bash away. does it effect me? i dont know should it. i know longer know how to feel so guide me through. Should this feel good? Should i like this? Ok well then i agree...I am a walking shell of a man, a lifeless corpse that merely stands because of the occasional glitter of hope i notice in the mist of misery. WOW!  what was that? HOPE! its small yet fathomable, far yet possible. i dream for the day. They say home is where the heart is. Well what if youve never felt at home? NO, i dont mean the ones made out of wood and brick im talking bout my true home my sanctuary my solace and place of peace, WITHIN. I used to think i loved me, now i barely like me because it feels like i barely know me. Yea i like some stuff but what else...is that it, Boring! Weirdo! Introvert! I KNOW! THANKS! KILL ME!....everyone has a suggestion but no one helps provide a solution. Do i wallow? At times, but im better at disguising that. it hurts that nobody notices, it hurts that nobody wants to. When i was young i used to say i couldnt wait to grow up. now, if given an opportunity to make a wish i would be a kid again, Yeah i was naive, vulnerable, gullible, and sensitive but you were innocent! People wanted to protect you, you felt free of harm and worry. I yearn for that feeling again, i feel like ive been ******** of my identity, Im an Adult Now so SUCK IT UP! "We all have problems"! Thats what im told,  im just not that good at handling it....so does that make me Weak? i guess so, we all go through pain but does that make it easier to swallow? how do you ever get used to getting hurt? How can you be ok with doing the hurting? Oh, THATS LIFE? i dont think so, thats just what its come too. I prefer to be called outdated rather then weak. i care about the well being of others and i take honor in bringing joy to someones life if even by just saying hello. Im a Gentle soul who wants to be treated right. Do i have issues yes i do,but dont we all. 

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