…This is a really personal dream . I mean – I feel weird about being open about this but I really want to know what it meant… Before I begin, anyone reading this should understand that I’m female in real life. I’m heterosexual. And yes, from time to time I've had dreams where I’ve had a penis before –just not like this one though.
Some of it is foggy, but here we go:
I dreamed that I woke up naked, laying in the dark. I was aroused …I was still a woman but I also knew that at that moment I also had a penis. I could feel it making love to me –it was actually bent back and inside my anus –that’s why I’d woken up aroused. (I still had female genitalia as well, but for some reason the penis wasn't inside me there...)
I experienced ****** and when it was done; I wanted to take a bath. I tried to get up but it was still bent back and inside me. Every time I moved, it moved and I was aroused again. It was like I was being touched by something/someone else, even though no one else was there and the penis was a part of my own body.
So, I get up and leave the bedroom. This was not my bedroom. This was a house made of wood planks. I could feel the boards creaking under my feet and when I opened the door; I found myself in this old west hotel/house type place. NOT a ***** house or anything like that. It was just this big open mansion type home in the old west.
There were other women there –all in old west garb. And one blonde lady was apparently my mother. She was carrying a basket and when I came out (I wasn’t naked, but I don’t know what I was dressed in either) she told me she’d been preparing my bath.
We were walking in this hallway, except the wall to our left had different doors going to different rooms (like a hotel) and to our right there was no wall, just a banister. That side was open and you could look out to the rest of the house. It was in a square shape and the hallway led all around all four sides. (Just keep picturing old west hotel and you’ve probably got a good idea.)
There was food –fresh produce- on the table she and the other girls were working at when I came out. Different chili peppers (red, yellow and orange ones) and small yellow apples.
My ‘mother’ walked in front of me, leading me to the bath. As I passed the food, I snatched a yellow chili and a small yellow apple. …I think I was actually choosing these items to have sex with…(Please keep in mind that as I’m walking; I still have a penis and it is still inside my anus and I am still very aroused.) I remember snatching them when no one was looking because I knew I was doing something very sensual and ‘naughty’.
There were men around and it was like they were out of place. They didn’t really live there… maybe they worked for us? All I know is that they were more out of place then we were.
She leads me to the bathroom and I go in alone and shut the door. She leaves.
The room is a pentagon shape. I remember that being really clear to me. The penis is still inside my anus and I am still very aroused and I actually experience another ******. The bathtub is in-ground, and just a regular tub shape. I see that there’s some water in it already –about 2 or 3 inches deep and I know without touching it that it’s lukewarm. I remember thinking it was there waiting for me so that I could balance the temperature as I added the hot water. –Like it would act as a balance for my addition (the hot water).
I turned the faucet on –and now I was naked, but I don’t remember undressing. I remember straightening back up and realizing the walls had become see-through. I mean, they were still there –like I could still see the framed pictures hanging on them – but the walls were gauzy now and see-through.
I remember the movement making me ****** again and that this made me lose all interest in any masturbatory plans I'd been contemplating after getting in to the tub. Now the chili and the apple seemed like disgusting, dirty ideas to me and I wanted the penis to go away. I felt dirty.
And the old west men were turned facing the walls and they were watching me.
I felt very exposed –found out. And then I remember thinking that I could remember dreaming I had a penis before and if I wanted to, I could think about how my body is supposed to be and I could make it go away.
So I closed my eyes and remembered that I don’t really have a penis and I felt it disappear.
I woke up shortly after that.
So tell me, please. What the heck does THIS mean?????? In my other dreams where I’ve had a penis, it’s been hard and I can feel it in my palm, like it’s really there –like it’s a memory of me actually having one before.
And a couple weeks ago I dreamed I was a woman having sex with a girl –with my penis. But as I was doing this, I was very aware that I couldn’t feel anything. And I remember having the sensation that I couldn’t feel anything because this was wrong. That I am a woman and I don’t have a penis and that I wasn’t feeling anything because whatever ‘it’ (my penis) was, it was artificial –so of course I couldn’t feel anything. I was just going through the motions. Not getting off at all. –But she was.
Now, I am not gay. I've really thought about this and seriously, I’ve never even had an inkling desire to fantasize about a woman. I’m just not gay.
I am also not someone who just sits around all day ************ or even thinking about sex.
I've had some bad relationships with men -mostly because I've settled. And I've learned from those experiences and I really think I'm at least pretty well adjusted and evolved.
These dreams are really starting to confuse me though. I mean, what is this?? A past life thing?? A feminine power thing????
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