Moving On. | Crying Dream Interpretations

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Moving On. (Crying Dream)
I recently went away on a weekend trip as part of my course in University, during the the day I came across one of the staff that I had previously had a presentation with a few weeks ago, to say the least I was impressed with her (Carolyn) abilities and knowledge, I had complete trust in her after the presentation about the mechanics of Humans, for example, why we do things.... simply because we want to, it's all about finding a passion and following it, which is what I answered to her when asked the question - I received a nice pen, a key ring and a mouse mat.

We spoke briefly over tea, and me, having built up pressure over the years couldn't really hide myself as I normally would, so she detected something was wrong when I was speaking about motivation, so she suggested that during the night we set aside ten minutes to see where we could go and see if we could work through some problems. I jumped at the chance and said yes, she then said, do you feel reassured? I instantly felt joy, because I knew she had been doing this for years and her character and being was just warming.

During the night, after a long hard day of "team-building" (I've never, ever had such a bad mix of people when it came to team work), we eventually found each other after I had been waiting all day, which gave me a sense of anxiety because I felt like she may have forgotten and I knew I needed this desperately.
We found each other and we went up into an empty room, which was slightly out of the way of the main traffic of the corridors of this massive house that we were staying in.
I can’t remember specifically about how we started, but I knew she reassured me, as most would I believe, that everything is confidential. We began by discussing the issue of motivation – my lack of.
After constructing a map of the problem, which was a slow process because I didn’t really know how to express my inner self, my wants and needs, we worked some things out. A map of this would be;
Motivation > Change > Need to act > To help others > To give others happiness > To feel like I have made a difference > Recognition > Happiness. – At Its most basic level.
We somehow came onto the past (I’m still mind bugged over how this happened) and within minutes I was crying, we came onto bullying, and as a child I was bullied. His name was Theo, I always felt like he was holding me back as if me offering something or brining something good to the group of friends I had was a bad thing because it reflected poorly on him, even though he in a lot of ways did on his own. He was aggressive and took a lot of opportunities to put me down and even to the extent to pretending to misunderstanding on purpose to conjure an excuse to act against me.
Needless to say, I was a troubled child, but not as much as others. I’m certain other people have been bullied; it’s a normal part of life.
Other things in my past included my parents arguing, they did argue a lot, I always went down in an attempt to defuse the situation, and sometimes I stayed there knowing they wouldn’t continue because I was a few feet away from them, staring them down.

(I did not tell this to the woman, although I wish I had – at the time, I was running all over the place in my mind so organisation wasn’t really there).
I remember a few times very well, the first one was near Christmas, a very cold winter, my parents were arguing and it eventually led to my Dad being forced out (albeit temporary, we didn’t even leave for one night/day). My Dad brought up “What about Jamie?” to which my Mum replied with “Oh, you can have him!” – As if I was an object! I was right next to her, staring up at her with tears running down her face whilst my Dad stood in the dining room door way. My Dad began packing a bag up stairs on his bed, I was standing next to him, trying to fit things in the bag, my Dad gently reminded me that I couldn’t take everything, so I took with me my favourite toy at the time, my Godzilla replica that my Mum had bought for me, one leg was broken, but I fixed it with blue-tac (endless amounts of blue-tac!). Whilst my Dad was finishing packing, I ran downstairs and picked my favourite video at the time, a Post-man Pat video, I walked into the kitchen seeing that my Mum hadn’t moved from when I was looking up at her and handed her the video, she looked down, I think I remember her smiling, I then told her “This is for you, so that you can remember me by”. I don’t remember much after that, but it was something along the lines of that she didn’t need it.
(I did tell her this).
There was one time, at a later date when I heard shouting, I came down the stairs and saw my Dad on top of my Mum, holding her to the ground, they were fighting, I didn’t act. I wanted to, I really did, but I felt like I couldn’t because I loved them both, but I was rooting for my Dad because he took me that one time, he was my Father and he did his duty and protected me and tried to find shelter that one time in the winter.
They stopped, I went back. I felt powerless against them. I literally couldn’t act, but I wanted to run into my Dad and push him off and start beating him.
Carolyn said that this was normal and it was (I guess) healthy of me to think like that. Who wouldn’t want to protect their Mum? Again, I cried, a lot of emotion was pouring out, especially when in front of someone I had just met.
We then went onto Anger, a combination of the above; we naturally fell onto this topic, as I would imagine this is what it all comes down to. She chuckled, looked me in the eyes and said “I was waiting for this”, I smiled and laughed back.
We then did some visualisation techniques, she wanted me to imagine images of Theo and me in younger versions, about the times when these moments occurred in my life, some earlier than others, but approximately about thirteen (13). I made them smaller, bigger, coloured and black and white. I even chucked them into the heart of a sun and into the depths of a black hole. I imagined them being completely non-existent, but I had to say, I had to mean it, I simply looked into their eyes and said “Forgive me, as I forgive you”. This makes things slightly easier when I’m finding thins difficult in the day, recent days being those days since this chat.
I had a dream last night (24/10/12). What I believe to be the first part was a location, a bird and bullets and me crying. It was an open field with a log in the middle of it, this field was surrounded by trees. An Owl/Eagle (it felt like it was shifting a lot) landed. A man began shooting at the bird, but the bird kept dodging, I was baffled and relieved, but I remember crying before the next part of the dream took place. The eyes were looking at me, Owl eyes, pointy ears, but from a distance it was the white head of an Eagle.
My second dream took place the same night, as if it was skipping chapters, I was on a beach, some friends were there from my new flat, Libby and that was it, she was crying, I didn’t know why, I was trying to help her and then she went. I remember doing a lot of running and jumping, specifically I was landing on the beach a lot and falling all over the place as if I couldn’t balance.
I’m too ill to even make an attempt at spell/grammar checking this, I apologise. Please, I would like your thoughts on this, don’t let me down EP!

Dream Symbols from our Dream Dictionary:bird | bullet | complete trust | corridors | crying | eagle | falling | friend | girl | key ring

Dream Dictionary Type: crying dream
Dream Posted on: 10/24/12
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