Dreams can provide insight into our deepest thoughts. Using dream interpretation to explore dream symbols and uncover a dream's meaning can lead to a better understanding of ourselves.
The eulogy has been delivered ... I'm walking up to the open grave (first person POV) ... I look down and see me as the man that I was, dead from a heart attack, I toss in some junk food, soda, a bottle of 151, a half-finished pack of cigarettes, (just dumped a bag of stuff) and a single bright white rose, thorns removed ... as I walk away, I hear crunching sounds like a thin layer of frost being clicked on by my heels .. the POV changes as if I had dropped a camera and I see the new me walking away, black heels crunching the frost, black seamed stockings leading up to a knee-length black pencil skirt, white blouse under a black sweater ... long blond hair blowing softly in the gentle breeze ... sunlight and birds chirping as my woman greets her wife at the limo and we get in together ...
The above "dream" came about during a 2nd session of hypnotherapy for smoking cessation ... It took me over 2 weeks to confide in the therapist that I was uncomfortable continuing and what had happened ... He recommended counselling and we discontinued ...
I'm still mostly in the closet and smoking ... occasionally a little of the medicinal even ... but I've noticed that as I begin to come out and fully embrace all of me, I am suddenly smoking only 25% as much ... just recently quit androgel with dr.'s approval and already feel much relief (testosterone is a just a nasty drug in my experience and I've been suffering from it's effects for 5 decades!) ... On prompting from my counselor, I had the first discussion with her, the doc, about the desire to change myself with different hormones, but hate the labeling ... we're going to take it slowly so as not to raise too many red flags from insurance ... gender dysphoria has not yet officially been diagnosed, that I know of, but shan't be surprised ...
I called this a funeral for Death because I become reborn immediately into my new form without having to be reincarnated ... sort of a cheat death fantasy rolled in with the adoption of a healthier lifestyle ...
Bottom line: I just want to feel okay in my own skin being me and I don't seem to pigeonhole well so, please, skip the labels. If I were wealthy, I'd simply be a bit eccentric. ;-)
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