Well im almost always with people that i know, family friends, to start off the dream. I always end up saying im tired or i need to go to the bathroom or something of that nature..just to get away. i usually sit and stare at myself in a mirror or just stare at the wall. All of them start of like this..then everything changes. Its like out of nowhere i have anything and everything i would need to kill myself. Its all just there. Like i turn around and whatever i was thinking of is laid out for me. I pick up whatever i see fit and just start cutting myself or whatever..and watch the blood run. The more i do it the better i seem to feel..almost like i enjoy it. then whenever i feel like i need to i just kill myself.
Whenever i say i need to go to the bathroom or whatever excuse i use nobody ever one time thinks to come check on me or anything, which makes me sadder and i keep going. and almost every time i have the dream im in the same room. no matter where i am at i end up in the same room. one bed in a far corner, and a single lamp in the middle of the ceiling. the room is almost completely dark even tho the light is on. Whenever i kill myself, the only way to describe it is like a camera zooming out and i can see myself covered in blood and laying there..then i wake up.
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