A sunny day in what seemed like autumn. Trees motionless, the air still. An other wise beautiful day tainted by the death of a child. My child.
Emotions flooding my senses, my tears glands overwhelmed, unable to control the streams that ran down from my eyes. How could it be? The death of MY SON? I held something that reminded me of him. And where there seemed to have been no more tears left to cry, a seperate resevoir of emotions was triggered and the streams continued to flow. Such was the great feeling of sadness that I felt. I could feel it, the death of one most beloved. My son.
Across the room, close to the dooorway of what seemed to be a church sat two boys. Two boys, barely in their teens. My children. Whether their age was symbolic of how I viewed them. As children needing taking care of in that moment I do not know. All I know is that I could feel their sadness and helplessness. Unable to withstand the mood the permeated throughout the room, they chose to exit. I followed them out. My boys needed me.
"Come, let us sit" As I lead them to a secluded place.
"Do you see the sun?"
"Yes dad", they responded.
"Do you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin?"
"Do you know what it means?"
"No dad. What does it mean?"
"The sun shines on some days. And on other days it does not. When it shines, enjoy the warmth that it provides. Because there will be days when it does not shine sp bright, and you will wish that you had enjoyed the sun a little bit more when it was around. There will be times in life when the sun shines. Times in life when the sun does not shine. Enjoy it when it does. And live life to the fullest..."
Where death reigned, life now presided. Where sadness and mourning dwelled, peace and love now replaced. No more sadness, simply peace and gratitude. Gratitude for the one's that we loved but yet lost. Gratitude for the sun that now shone.
I have no children, never have. I would however hope to have children one day, some day. And I hope that I can be as good and perhaps as wise a father to those children as I was to these children in my dream. Nothing would give me greater joy.
I woke up feeling rather peaceful this morning. With a slight tinge of sadness at the loss of the son that I had never known, but yet loved so dearly. The sun was shining, the trees moved in unicent gently swayed by a light breeze. I woke up and I was grateful for the sun. And a renewed hope that one day, I shall grow to know the love that a father has for his child.
Does it mean anything? I do not know. I generally do not expect anything in life. But I do however hope, for "hope deferred, makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled, is a tree of life"
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