First off I need to let you know that June 16, 2012, I lost my older brother ron to suicide. He was only 35. The manner in which he died was such a violent & tragic ending to such a sweet, caring & funny man. He lived with me, my husband & our 3 kids during the last 3 yrs. I miss my brother more than words could describe. Here is my dream which has been constantly recurring each & every night that I can recall having a dream during the months following his death.
It's warm outside & the sun is starting to go down as I am sitting in the driveway on a white plastic summer chair. Ron is sitting directly in front of me & we are both smoking a cigarette. I am in absolute disbelief that Ron isn't dead, as I begin explaining to him everything that's happened & how he had died. I tell him "Ron....you're dead. I SAW you. I saw your BODY in the casket & you are dead. You killed yourself Ron, you actually killed yourself. We all saw you. It's been so crazy since you died. Why Ronnie? I need to know what was so bad that you felt the only way you could deal was to not deal any longer? How could you just leave us like that? Your two nephews & your 2& a half yr old niece miss you more than you ever could have imagined. My sweet little girl walks around asking when uncle "Wonnie" is going to take her outside to play again. I have no answer for my children. I have no answer for myself. Why Ronnie?" Ron is leaning forward with a cigarette between his fingers & both elbows rested on his knees & he has on a white collared polo shirt with thin blue stripes, he looks up at me, his eyes were looking towards the ground before & he has a hint of irritation in his voice as he says to me "Right! Like I'd actually kill myself! I wouldn't kill myself."
That's always the end of my dream. It leaves me more confused than anything when I wake up after having this constant dream. It's been four months of this dream & I can't help feeling like he is sending a message to me via this dream. I know how ridiculous that must sound but Ron's death was such a shock & a tragedy which did not have to happen. I hope this helps me to find an answer.....
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