It is important to mention before I write about my bizarre dream life that I have a very active and vivid dream life, the majority of the time. Also, becasue they are so vivid, be it positive or not, ever since I was quite young I have spoken to myself in my dreams, seperate from the dream. Particularly if it is scary, I will talk myself through it. Sometimes decide how I am going to respond etc. I don't know but I felt like that was an important aspect of my dreaming life to mention before I go on.
For all of my life, until the past 2 years that is, I have had a repetitive dream about visiting my Great Aunts sprawling house. In my dream, what I do in the house is often different, who I see in the house is as well and even though I know it is my Great Aunts house, I don't recall ever seeing her but in the dream I do think of her and know it is her house.
The house is a sprawling one story ranch style house from the front. It is old and interesting. Full of rooms. Some with old furniture and old things, some with boxes. Lots to explore. When I am facing the house, off to the left of the main house there is a somewhat circular littler building which I know is my Great Aunts bedroom.
Her room is an old pink color with lots of velvet. Her bed is round as is the room and there are 3 steps up to her bed. She has big dressers and at least one of them has an old round mirror on top. Many times I have rummaged in her room, looking through her dresser drawers, old jewelry, boxes under the bed. Everything is always old, antique, pleasing, comfortable and exploring and snooping is always exciting. At times that I dream I am snooping in her room I have the idea that I might get caught and at times have hurried through things, but then get distracted by something that holds my focus. I am never very worried because I figure she will understand that I was curious.
Sometimes when I have visited the house I get different ideas, different than what I thought I was there to do.. where I am creating. Interestingly, that is usually when I am on the back side of the house. The back side of the house, by the way, is altogether different.
In my dream, I know it is the same place, I recognize everything and am comfortable about it and I know it is the back side of the house. The back side of the house is more like a cut out house, there are sooo many rooms, they go on forever and there are tenants who live there. I don't know all of them and though there are 3 sided rooms, on the back side of the house, there isn't an outside wall.
One woman in particular, an old woman who always wears a short old light blue night gown, with many gauzy layers to it, curlers in her brown hair and she always has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I can't remember who she is at this moment but I know her when I am dreaming, she has known me my whole life and is always happy to see me, though her personality is gruff, she is funny that way and when I venture around to the back side of the house she inevitably wanders out barefoot and in her nighty to tell me hello and smoke on a couch that is out back.
I know there are other people there, but I don't necessarily see them, or remember them the way I do her and she does refer to them in a gossiping sort of way when I talk to her.
When I am on the back side of the house I tend to get bored and/or distracted. On the other hand there are times where I get distracted to explore the back side of the house and when I do, I tend to be day dreaming about things I will do. For example, one time when dreaming about the back of the house I found a small staircase which led me to dingy rooms with dirty windows, full of boxes stacked on top of more dusty boxes, some broken, old, full of all sorts of junk. As I was going through the boxes I was planning to unpack them all and clean it all up so that I could move myself and my children in there and so most of the dream was about unpacking and cleaning those things and preparing the space to move my family in. It was not all that attractive but I could see the potential. It was a lot of work and a long dream but it was exciting too.
Whenever I dream about that house I tend to feel excited or inquisitive and as if it is a special place for me. As I said, I have dreamt about this house all of my life. Not weekly, but certainly a few times a year and occasionally a few days in a row. They are epic long dreams and I recall always waking feeling excited and wanting to go back.
2 years ago I was at the house in a dream and was starting to explore in my Great Aunts room when all of a sudden a thought occurred to me that had never ever occurred to me before.
I thought, "Which Great Aunt is this really?" At first I just kept doing what I was doing becasue I didn't really care but then I started thinking of my Great Aunts in real life and elliminating them. Couldn't be my Great Aunt Bell... no... Not my Great Aunt Rosey, she lives in Kansas... etc.
Then I started annalyzing the place, looking around and trying to place it in my current past and realized it wasn't a place I had ever truly been.
I did it over and over in my dream until I had the lucid realization that it was not real. This place was not real, this Aunt was not real and I woke up dumbfounded.
These dreams all my life, that dream place that was so special to me, all the fun adventures I had there, it wasn't at all real. In fact I walked around for a couple weeks thinking about it. Told my friends about it. Really couldn't believe it. I drew a rough picture of the house for my husband.
The house and people and feelings so vivid in my waking memory. I thought it was funny, but I also thought it was sad that it wasn't a real place. I haven't dreamt about it since. Though I would like to. What do you think about that?
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