last night, or should i say this morning, i had a dream with my family back in south america. i don't get along with them and have vowed never to go back since everytime i do they steal from me, treat me badly, ect. in the dream i was there. in south america. in one of my aunt's house. (this aunt hates me) everything was kinda dark. my grandfather had passed away but he had done alot of bad things before he died (in the dream that is) so i wasn't too sad. everyone kept trying to attack me. one of my cousins went to make this torturing device to hurt me. he was hard at work with his invention to hurt me yet i wasn't afraid. i was calm yet thinking up a way to get out of the house. i kept looking outside the balcony. thinking about jumping but knew that i was too high up and the fall alone could kill me. next thing you know he comes out ready to attack me but ends up attacking my grandmother instead with this triple like wip, it also had some sylver stuff tied to it. i grabbed my grandmother and managed to get her to safety. i got into this physical confrontation with my cousin and i was easily able to over power him. i destroyed the wip/weapon (it was a very odd thing) and killed my cousin easily. i easily tour him apart and through his body parts over the balcony. a couple of horse carriages passed by and ran over his remains. then i managed to get out of the house and see the sunlight i felt releaved then i awoke.
before i use to have many dreams in where my family would attack me only i was powerless and when i tried to call 911 it wouldn't go through. my fingers couldn't press the right buttons, this dream was constant and i always felt consumed with impotence, and hopeless. but now i have dreams in where my family attacks me but i am easily able to defend myself, and even intimidate them.
i think this dream is telling me since i have been through so much with them now that i have given up in trying to have a relationship with them, now that i ignore all their attempts at hurting my feelings, they no longer have control over me like they use to. because in a way before i allowed them to have control over my emotions by reacting everytime they pushed my buttons. now i no longer give them the pleasure to control me in anyway especially emotionally. and about me being stuck in the house unable to leave. i think that significe my current status in my mom's house. i can't afford to leave right now and my narcissistic mom is always trying to push my buttons and hurt my feelings. now since i've been ignoring her she's been ACTING "nicer". i know it's just an act and she's just trying to get me to put my guard down again. but perhaps the dream is telling me that soon enough i will be free and in my own place:)
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