I had a dream , recently, which has been on my mind. If you can imagine nothingness, then you can imagine this dream. I dreamt of nothingness, where I existed, without existing. I could not create, nor demolish... in a way, I was no longer human... Yet... the dream alone was a figment of a human imagination, the creation of a world where nothing exists, by destroying all that exists now. It was a horrible dream. Frightening in its lack of monsters. Horrifying in it's lack of friends or enemies. YET on the other side of the coin, this place was the ultimate of peaceful. I was not hot, nor cold. I was not angry nor joy-filled. I simply was. Or at least, I thought, therefor I surmised I was. Tell me, have you ever dreamed this world? A world where death came swiftly, and then there was nothing? It keeps me up now, all the time. The ultimate nightmare to keep one from sleeping. To keep from dreaming of this, or at least, from having to wake up from it, for the most interesting thing of all, is that there is no fear until one wakes, you feel no pain nor anguish till you awake, and then you cannot help but want to be back asleep, to not be awake, and experience the nothing of a life without a body.
And now, everyday feels like I have awoken from a dream of color, into a world of black and white, trying to explain a place to people whom have no words, no ways of explaining this existence. We use nothing to describe something, but we cannot know it's true meaning. Just like if you speak with a person who only knows the colors black and white, and you tell them that blood is "red", then they can say oh, blood is "red" but they will not understand what red is or means. It is simply a different shade of black and white. Just like nothingness in our world always has something. Even if you were in a sound proof chamber which was pitch black, you would still hear your heartbeat, and the "amplifier" like ringing your ears make as they turn sound into signal. And yet, I witnessed it. Nothingness. The lack there of, of any energy, matter, sensory, the only thing existing was my thoughts, not a voice mind you, but only thoughts. nothing of importance either. For, in a world of nothing, you cannot have anything important to think about. You simply exist. Perhaps one of the worst hells humanity could create for itself. A hell I hope never to experience again. Where you feel no pain, you are acknowledged by no one, there is no "devil" giving you the honor of torture. you simply aren't. No pain, no joy, nothing... nothing...
A dream I wish, not, even on my heaviest of enemies. Can you imagine this place? A place where not even black exists. You could not paint it, you could not sing about it, and, as you can see, I cannot even write well about it. A dream about nothing. Sad indeed. putting life into perspective, driving home how dream like this life is. Driving home how colorful, musical... sensual this life is. I hope to never miss a rose to smell, or smile to meet, or voice to listen to. I hope to not miss what this life carries through us all. The very nature of our bodies in this world. I hope to experience it with what I have, and that way, I might, if only by chance, disturb my dreams of nothing: in order to remember a life of something.
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