well i dreamt the other night that i was in the hospital giving birth all of a sudden the doctors told me it will be fine i wo't feel any pain and that it will be over soon enough. All i had to do was push a little bit and then it was over i never saw the baby and all of a sudden i'm out and about like nothing happened i decided i think to keep it a scret from everyone nobody knew, it was like it was top secret or something because i was never pregnant and i'm not in real life either but for some reason i know the baby is a black baby girl and i'm white not that i care just sounds significant. For some reason my boyfriend knows he is the only one and he is not mad at all like it was something out of my control and he is white so not his baby. so last night i had a dream i was looking for my son and i couldn't find him and no one would tell me either like they were keeping him from me and then my boyfriend was trying to talk me into calling in to work even tho i told him i could lose my job then all of a sudden i have the memory of the black baby girl adoption like it was a surpressed memory i wasn't suppose to remember because it wasn't there then all of a sudden i had a memory flash and i started bawling because i regretted giving her up i was filled with so much guilt and my boyfriend was telling me to just forget about it to let the past be the past and then we were at a college campus going to classes
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