I Love Jokes And Riddles Stories of Experiences

So I’m at Wal-mart buying a bag of dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???
So on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was...

What's invisible and smells like a carrot? A rabbit's fart!

If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is.

There is a F*g**t between Y and I on your keyboard...........Look and you'll see!

A cop pulls someone over for drunk driving and questioned the driver, "Have you been drinking, your eyes are bloodshot and it smells like alcohol in your car?"

The drunk then asked the cop, "have you been eating donuts, your eyes are...

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told...

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods...

With a puzzled look on his face, an Indian boy asked, "Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm??"

She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower...

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas...

THE BACK PEW--A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children...

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back...

There where 3 moles, a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole. They all lived on a farm. One morning the papa mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said, "Ooh i smell honey" The mama mole wanted to smell it too, so she stuck her...

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from internal trauma associated with repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71...

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday...

I know it's not christmas, but I just though I'd share this:

(to be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the snow,
Get the fuck out of my way,
You're all so bloody slow,
And fat, what do you way?

I'll end your carolling...

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The...

When you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighborhood :). Ya gotta love English!

ヽ(•‿•)ノヽ(•‿•)ノヽ(•‿•)ノヽ(•‿•)ノ
A B C D E F G,
Gummy bears are after me.
One is red
One is blue
The yellow one just took my shoe.
When i find him i will sue,
Then i will get back to you...

2 parrots were sitting on a perch. One parrot said to the other: "Hey, can you smell any fish around here?"