I Love Jokes And Riddles Stories of Experiences

Man comes home from working a 12hr shift at the factory. He opens the front door and is confronted with his wife unpacking 6 large boxes. There was packing material everywhere.
He stood there motionless for a minute, his mouth and eyes...

Feeling slighty embarrassed today. Last night after a few drinks, I decided to send a naked pic of myself to everyone in my address book..........cost a fortune in stamps

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's...

An older man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?""There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.The receptionist became...

Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.

"What's that, Mummy?" asks the child.
"That's his tail, sweetie"
"No" says Johnny, "That big thing" pointing his finger
"Oh, that's...

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu . . . Patron tequila,
shrimp cocktail, foie gras. lobster...

Last night we were so bored, me and my lover watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly

I’m really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why

..... goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: “7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.”
The...

There was this little girl. And one day she came home saying "Mommy Mommy, I got $5." The mother said "how did you get that?" The girl said "the guy down the street gave it to me for doing cartwheels"(the girl was wearing a dress). The...

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the...

A black, a Rabbi, a Pollock, a blonde, a Russian, a priest, and a nun walk into the bar. The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!" The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells "CHEERS!" and downs their drinks...

A guy walks in a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whiskey, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot, and does the same thing...

Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?? She heard drinks were on the house =D

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore...a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband

A nun was walking home one evening when a man came up from behind her and hauled her into the woods. He quickly pulled off her clothes and had his way with her. Looking quite pleased, he looked at her and asked, "what are you going to...

1. None. "We'll document it in the manual."

2.None. It's a hardware problem.

3.One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.

4.Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.

5.Four. One to design...

....my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your...

.....were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?