I Like to Tell Jokes Stories of Experiences

Yo mama so fat she got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

A man is sitting in a bar staring at his drink. After staring at it for half an hour without taking a sip, one of the bar regulars decides to have some fun with him. He picks up the man’s drink and knocks it back in one. The man...

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."

The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find...

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to...

A man walks into an elevator where he sees a buxom blonde...He accidently hits one of her breasts when pressing the button for his floor...
"Oh pardon me miss". The man says..."That's ok fella. If your p*nis is as hard as your elbow was...

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not...

Why would you say that henruy i said not a fing jerrunthia

OKAUY HENROY I M FINE WITH THUTAHHHHHHHH

WATS W RON G WIT YUOIEEUOIUEA YOU COBBKLER LOBSTER PARATES

I NEEEEEEEEED MYYYYYYY PANTSSSSSS FOR THIS DISCOOOOOOO OR THE BUTLIRRRRRR...

0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE...

i remember all the jokes i've ever heard and love. most of these are local. i shall write them later, in another post. 

So superman is flying around the city one day, looking for something to do, when he spies something incredible. With his supervision he can see into Wonder Woman's apartment where she is completely naked and lying on her bed, writhing...

one.  why is a woman like a bus because if you miss one there is always another one a half hour later ha ha  two.  Why is a woman like a bus because everybody's been in them ha ha

A man drove his car along the road in a rural area. Suddenly he felt that he had knocked on something. He got off the car to check it, and he saw a chick be knocked dead beside which a boy was standing, scrutinizing it. So he approached...

i went to take my invincibility tablet, and i chipped my tooth

it was a busy day at the courthouse somewhere in ireland.
as the first case was being dealt with, the judge noticed a man chewing constantly.
it really got on his nerves, so he called over one of the cops and said can you tell that man...

an irishman is in court for fighting and being a nuisance.
the judge asked him to explain his dreadful behaviour.
i was as drunk as a judge your honour he replies.
dont you mean as drunk as a lord the judge said.
yes my lord says the...

a woman goes into the doctor with a very bad cut on her upper thigh.
so the doctor asks her to strip off her underwear, when he sees the bad cut he says.
my god thats a nasty gash you got there, and she says
never mind that, can you do...

a young woman goes into a plastic surgeon,and asks, do you do surgery on any part of the body.
the surgeon says yes why, so the girls says well um i need something done to my private area.
the surgeon says certainly thats no problem...

man walks into to a pub and asks who owns that chihuahua outside.
i do said one of the customers, whats wrong.
he killed my rothweiler said the man.
my little chihuahua killed your big rothweiler. yes said the man.
he choked on him

an unmarried irish couple had been together for twenty years.
she dropped hint after hint to get him to propose to her, but nothing worked.
so one day she said to him, isn't it time we got married.
and he said "ahh sure WHO would have...

an elderly lady was chatting to her friend on a bus and said to her.
my husband has penile dementia,he's forgotten how to use it