since I've been on here.. :) it brings back lots of memories! But guess what I've been clean since March of 2012.. I still have the urge to do it but I'm not in a abusive relationship any more and I found someone that treats me amazing :)
it is totally neglecting my health in every way. It's abuse, and at that, I am a bit of a humdinger.
I don't take care of myself. I'm not entirely sure if I am unable to, or merely don't want to. Probably both.
I'm not overweight yet, but my eating habits are atrociously...
Browsing through my thoughts.
Tears start to fall
You're fading away
I get scared.
I get angry.
And so, I slap and puch myself in the face.
Scratch my face till I see blood.
I need more.
So I find my precious razor
My old friend.
It stains, but it feels good.
It's the fact that I don't love myself and I make myself think that no one can love me by making impossible connections possible in my mind. I make it so real in my head that I successfully convince myself that no one loves me. Even though it's not true.
and then when I'm alone.
90% of the time, I'm not saying nice things.
"I'm a ******* idiot."
"Just kill yourself."
"You're never going to be worth anything."
It's one thing to hear that stuff come out of someone else mouth.
But, when it dawns on you you're...
In any way possible, physical or mentaly.
I have hitted, cut and did the impossible to alterate my heartburn just to stop my mental pain. Even tried to kill myself....
While mentaly I am always critizicing myself when I fight with my sister or am suffering for someone else. I...
I've cut recently. My boyfriend and one of my best friends were very upset and concerned for me.
I was doing so well, and then something happened that I couldn't handle and I resorted to old habits...
I'm trying to stop because it hurts the people I love. Even when I hide it...
.. of course, I have no real reason why I shouldn't get back to it since my best friend made it pretty clear on the 13th that our friendship is over - I just don't like the idea of throwing away 7 years of being clean... but I hurt so much right now.
Once youve been forced its hard to even live with yourselve. I feel so disgusting and used....the night i tried to talk to him about it he just said whatever and didnt care...so i cut myself....it wasnt the first time ive cut myself.....but it was the worst! I put an "x" on my...
I've started again, but at least its not because of him. I'm not snapping back, or really pointing out how unfair things are- I hold everything in and just smile.
I was Smiling when I did it too. Just made myself comfortable and got to it.
I don't feel bad, I don't feel happy...
I abuse myself you can say.
I punch myself, hit myself with a belt, sometimes cut.
I burn myself, bite myself, cry myself to sleep.
I talk to myself at night and i say violent things on what i wish i can do to myself
I let people take advantage of me and abuse me
there is this girl with low self esteem. she cuts herself to get away from the pain. if that makes any sense at all. she loves her family and friends and thats the only thing keeping her alive. but one by one she is losing friends bc of her differences and losing love and respect...
and took an abuse test. It was obviously for couples, but I scored really high and likely of being abused. I scream at myself, punish myself, blame myself, or physically harm myself just like an abuser would, but its hard to explain to people that I feel like I am being abused...
I have physically abused myself in the past (drinking, drugs, fighting and cutting), but none of it comes anywhere near as bad as the damage I do emotionally.
I was tormented and bullied as a child, and beaten and abused by my father. I had nowhere to go to feel to feel safe...