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I Am a Closet Lesbian

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 4,603 People

    I tried so hard to like boys.

    But it just never really worked. When I tried dating guys, after a couple weeks I just couldn't do it anymore, I felt nothing towards them. Every time. I kept trying to go farther with guys sexually and I never felt aroused or good. When I lost my virginity to a guy it was awful...
    SavannaJade SavannaJade 18-21, F 4 Responses Feb 25, 2014

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    I've known I liked girls

    for as long as I can remember. I've gone out with guys before thinking maybe something was wrong with me? As a pastor's kid it isn't really 'okay'. I'm sick of hearing the bad things they say about gay people right in front of me. I just wish I could come out and that they would...
    luvvyowl luvvyowl 13-15, F 1 Response Jun 24

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    Lesbian, But I Can't Find Other Lesbians Or Don't Know Where To Look.

    I just joined this site because I saw another person post a similar concern as I have myself, but didn't quite answer all of my questions. I am a lesbian, been with men, been told all of my life being gay is wrong, or "weird", but now that I'm 20 years old I can form my own...
    brookesmelscer18 brookesmelscer18 18-21, F 33 Responses Mar 11, 2012

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    (This is just a late night thought.

    .. Feel free to ignore me) Annnd it sucks haha I'm most likely gonna be closeted to my family until they all die or vice versa and I don't trust a majority of my friends enough to tell them just yet. So pretending to be straight is super uncomfortable because I don't like lying...
    tragicallyvintage tragicallyvintage 16-17, F 4 Responses Jul 8

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    My worst fear is that I'm going to come out

    and then magically not like girls anymore, but I know that's not gonna happen lol x
    ParisMaisie ParisMaisie 13-15, F 2 Responses Nov 9, 2014

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    Dont Know What To Do

    im a student at university and i am a cheerleader but there is a problem im a lesbian and no one knows and i dont know what to do
    amy1200 amy1200 18-21, F 47 Responses Sep 11, 2012

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    My hands are shaking

    and I believe I will be crying a lot while writing this because I always thought I will die without me saying a word about me being who I am.. Just like many others, when I was young I grew up with boys and grew up as a tomboy. I remember the fights and tears I had every time...
    carrieberry12 carrieberry12 31-35, F 7 Responses Jun 19

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    I grew up in a family

    that is very religious. They are very anti-homosexual and would never accept me if they knew. I tried to be what they wanted me to be to the extent of marrying a man and having a son. I was miserable and my heart still ached to find the true soul mate I knew was out there. I...
    loanother loanother 36-40, F 7 Responses Jan 27, 2014

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    i am in the closet and i cant come out anytime

    soon. i need a woman who can understand me and support me all the way. i crave intimacy, i wish i could fall in love. anyone interested in getting to know me more inbox me. i love honesty and sincerity.
    lesbewoman lesbewoman 26-30, F 2 Responses May 14, 2014

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    sometimes I wonder if my relationships with

    guys never work out because I really like girls. My parents nor my friends would understand if I came out. Sometimes I want to go out and actually experience it to see if this is what I want. When having sex with guys I don't get off. But when I watch lesbian **** or read sex...
    RichC7 RichC7 18-21, F 4 Responses Jun 4

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    candies020 candies020 26-30, F a week ago

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    At Fifteen

    My first serious gay relationship happened when I was 15. I'd kissed several girls prior to that, and had a fairly intense sexual experience in grade school, but lesbian lovesexmagic didn't happen till the summer before tenth grade. She was my next door neighbor, a cute...
    deleted deleted 26-30 6 Responses Apr 27, 2013

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    I am 38 years old. Middle Eastern Muslim gay

    guy. I am looking for Middle Eastern lesbian or bisexual Muslim girl. I am conservative, very well educated and good looking. I know this might sounds very ambitious, but I am really dreaming of having ideal life with ideal wife, just like straight couples but without the...
    lovecater lovecater 36-40, M Jun 29

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    Willing To Come Out For The Sake Of Love

    I am an average looking girl who has a boring life. I've been hiding inside the closet and now I realized that I've been depriving myself the chance of loving and being loved by someone. I am an introvert and it's quite difficult for me to open up with anyone. I've never been in...
    strikien strikien 26-30, F 12 Responses Mar 9, 2012

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    At Least I Can Be Proud Here, Where No One Knows Me.

    Isn't that sad? That we have to live in a worl where the only place we can be ourselves is when we are anonymous. I mean, of course Rose Donovan is not my real name. It is the name of one of my fictional characters. I could not out my real name on here for fear someone I knew...
    LonelySoul LonelySoul 18-21, F 74 Responses Jul 18, 2007

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    I'm a 24 year old female

    who is completely unsure of her sexuality. I've never been with another female, but I find myself becoming more and more curious as I grow older. I've been with a handful of guys (all awkward, drunken college experiences), but I've never been in a relationship. I am very much a...
    CuriousF420 CuriousF420 22-25, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    I never really questioned my sexuality

    until college. I grew up basically being a tomboy, but there were only guys in my neighborhood as a kid, so I never thought anything of it. In 6th grade I do remember being attracted to my band teacher (she was a woman of course) but I think I was too young to realize what that...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 3

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    After ending a 7 year old relationship with my

    sons father I began a romantic relationship with a woman. Although I had slight attractions to women in the past this was the first time I became intimate with one. We have been dating for 9 months now and our connection is amazing problem is my family will never be accepting...
    Wholenewworld123 Wholenewworld123 26-30, F 3 Responses 3 days ago

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    I'm a Closeted Lesbian

    I'm not sure how I got to this point. It's like I have two different lives--two sets of friends, two sets of stories; everything split rather unequally to fit into 'gay' and 'normal'. Not straight. Normal. My mother is my idol, and she's the hardest-working, most beautiful...
    Harpertrap Harpertrap 18-21, F 176 Responses Dec 28, 2007

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    I dont trust girls who are attracted to

    meā€¦like why? write me a 10 page paper with a legitimate thesis and valid points backing up your claim or you fake.
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 6 Responses May 21, 2014

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    i like boys and girls.

    ..its strange to be surrounded by people who do not understand the way my feelings work...so its just me who knows about it apart from friend of mine and now this website. am looking forward to chat and maybe meet up with people who share a similar feelings. PS.- I gel better...
    KeekiBose KeekiBose 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 6

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    I never reveal my affection towards a girl.

    I have strong urges to be with one but i never go for it. Its against my family and religion. I just want a girl who understands me and someone who's struggling with the same thing. I want to run away and be with a woman i can call my own. I dont want to come out. I just want to...
    Islandkween Islandkween 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 15

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    I'm sitting here playing with my best friend's

    hair as she falls asleep and all I can think about is how I want a relationship like this with someone...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Jul 9

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    I am in counseling with my husband whom I love

    dearly to help us get back together after my infidelity with a woman. Oddly the therapy makes me feel worse because I see what a basket case I have made him while I am still personally struggling with my own identity because of my actions. All the while I keep up appearances...
    GingerDame GingerDame 31-35, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    To accept that I am a lesbian has always been

    the most difficult thing i had to do. Since I was 13 I've known and til today i can't exit what i hoped and prayed was a phase. It's not easy for me to just come out and be true to myself, to accept and display love in ways i want to and this is a sad and cruel way to treat...
    fudgyElla fudgyElla 22-25, F 5 Responses Jul 15

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    Im looking for Rhea. I met you here on EP a few

    years ago. I would give anything to hear from you, just to say hi and catch up. I wonder about you from time to time, wonder if you're happy and how things are going. Please, if you see this, message me. It's all water under the bridge.
    thesupernurse thesupernurse 26-30, F 1 Response Jun 18

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    I fell in love in love with a girl but cause

    I'm a girl I hide in fear and shame I try to keep a distance but every thing about her pulls me in she has the beauty an perfect soul I've always wondered if she knows Just say something or give me a hint But every day ends just as it begins With her thinking I just wanna be...
    watdoido2094 watdoido2094 18-21, F 4 Responses May 11, 2014

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    ....then I would be asked not to journey into

    forests / enjoy life as I would call it adventure, from their perspective it is about living a disciplined life. does discipline mean just work all day and cook his own food and sleep and keep doing this for the rest of the life? living life in a certain manner (probably they...
    simplychat simplychat 26-30, F 3 Responses Jun 13

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    Well first I'm new to this

    so let me just start off with my story! Well I'm a bisexual male who is in a relationship with my bf but the thing is I'm not out to anyone in my family just my friends who are in the same boat as me! I'm looking for a female in similar situation who wants to get to know...
    nashville88 nashville88 26-30, M Jul 24

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    I've never been with another girl,

    but God knows I want to. I don't know why it's so hard, but my fear that I'll fall for someone who will expose me to my strictly religious family scares the crap out of me. I just want to be happy for a little while, but I don't want to lose the people I love.
    headXXbanger headXXbanger 18-21, F 2 Responses Jun 15

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    Hmm, yes I'm still in the closet

    but in coming out. I've told a few friends they are super supportive. But what's stopping me from telling my dad, who has actually questioned me about it. He told me that he doesn't care and will still love. I think. I fully accept myself. What's stopping me from saying it, I...
    Madamoiselle1 Madamoiselle1 16-17, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    The reason for this is

    because my family are strict Muslims and wouldn't allow me to be a lesbian. I remember once i was joking about it, just to see their reaction and they took it so seriously that now i am scared to tell them. I know for sure that this isn't a phase. However i'm 17 now so i will...
    Sammim4lik Sammim4lik 16-17, F Mar 26

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    I have an amazing boyfriend

    and I care about him but I can't love him. I can't love him because I like girls, not boys... And I've tried and tried and tried so hard to make it work but to me it's just an act. an act I need to keep on playing because I know what my parents and my friends would say if it...
    infinite1994 infinite1994 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 21, 2014

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    Just going to be honest here that's what the

    sites about right? Well my family think being gay or lesbian is an outright sin my cousin moved halfway across the country after coming out and I'm scared I'll have to do the same eventually.
    silent62 silent62 13-15, F 2 Responses Jul 8

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    i am 27 yrs old and just a couple yrs ago i

    realized that i am attracted to women. the hardest thing for me right now is the fact that i haven't been able to explore these feeling further. i don't know why it took me so long to realize that i like women; all the early signs were there for me but i never paid close...
    laencantadora laencantadora 26-30, F 9 Responses Jan 5, 2014

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    Couldn't Change Even If I Wanted Too

    It is scary to be yourself in a world full of hateful people. In a world full of people who don't understand that being gay isn't a choice. It isn't something that you decided. I don't wake up and think "You know what I'm feeling a little gay today." lol. It is something that I...
    EElena EElena 18-21, F 6 Responses Sep 25, 2013

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    I told my friend today.

    I was the first whom she came out as a bisexual, so I thought she would understand me. I was right. she supports me. She told me: "whatever you need me or talk about something; I'm here for you. We are together in this". Was even better because she told me this face to face...
    OrangeCaramel OrangeCaramel 18-21, F 2 Responses May 27, 2014

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    The Closet Gets Cramped

    Hi, my name is Stephanie. :) I am a college student who only recently started coming to terms with my sexuality. I've known for as long as I can remember that I liked girls, but I always did my best to stifle the truth, and keep my feelings buried. This is a huge contributing...
    stephanie929 stephanie929 18-21, F 5 Responses Nov 17, 2013

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    I was in such an awkward situation today.

    An attractive friend of mine touched my arm and I got red like a tomato. I could see she was uncomfortable about the situasion but just pretended nothing happend. And I would find myself in this situasion more than once with my friends. I just want to be true to myself but I am...
    RagingB RagingB 18-21, F 5 Responses Jul 20

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    its so hard. laying in bed every night

    and fighting the urge to get online and look up videos of lesbians. its my only way of releasing the sexual frustration I have built up. I want to be out and to have a girlfriend and just be myself.
    sydlittle sydlittle 18-21, F 7 Responses Dec 14, 2014

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    This is my first time

    even writing the words "I am a lesbian," so this is a big step for me. I think I've always known (very very deep down, so far down that the thought never even came into my head), but I had my "aha" moment about 7 months ago (in the beginning of my senior year of college). I...
    anonymous0987654 anonymous0987654 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 4, 2014

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    Alright so, as the title says it,

    I'm a closet lesbian. However, I have a boyfriend, whom I love greatly, but am not attracted to at all. I'm physically and emotionally pulled towards women, he is the only exception. I don't want to hurt him nor do I want him to hate me for holding onto him when I can't ever be...
    AutumnReverie AutumnReverie 16-17, F 2 Responses Jun 22

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    I Was Confused For So Long...

    I'm not one of those "I knew since I was 5 years old" lesbians...but I am gay. Very gay. And even though I'm closeted at the moment, I'm proud of who I am and I'm happy with being gay. It took a long time to even understand my sexuality, allow me to explain... When I was 12, a...
    shesaloverofthelight shesaloverofthelight 26-30, F 9 Responses Jul 18, 2013

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    So lately I've been very angry

    and depressed so I haven't smiled much But...today... I saw a lesbian couple in Walmart and the biggest smile came over my face and made me the happiest I've been in a while I kept it to myself tho...so no one would know
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Jun 6

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    I joined this forum for this very purpose.

    .. I am pleased with where my life is, but sexually, I feel like I walk around looking and thinking about every female around me... I love a women and I can't help but to admire a women that shows some cleavage, I can't help but to find a reason to be around her.....
    noname2pic noname2pic 31-35, F 1 Response Jul 8

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    my whole life i have kept to myself.

    Ive never really had deep romantic feelings about anyone, boy or girl. Im also not really an affectionate person. The one relationship I was in was with a guy and it lasted probably six months. I never even kissed him. Lately though, Ive been having thoughts about what it would...
    JubeJubes JubeJubes 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 9

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