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I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 392 People

    Trying To Make Big Changes

    I am a codependent. It's an admission that's not easy to make, but a necessary one to acknowledge. The first step to making changes is to acknowledge that there is something I want to change. We are what we repeatedly do, and I want to be healthy and happy. To accomplish this I...
    findmeholdmeloveme findmeholdmeloveme 18-21 1 Response Aug 19, 2013

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    The Hardest Lessons Are Those We Learn Ourselves.

    I've spent the past twenty years going from relationship to relationship, seeking that One Person who would make me happy to be alive.  There were fleeting moments, teases of what happiness really was, but never anything that stuck.  The past five and a half years were...
    witchywomin witchywomin 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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    July 30. Accepting Powerlessness.

    Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 30

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    July 17. Love, in Words

    and Actions. Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about. Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did. We may have had a mother or father who said, "I love you" to us, and then...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 17

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    Aug. 1. Gratitude. "We learn the magical lesson

    that making the most of what we have turns it into more." —Codependent No More Say thank you, until we mean it. Thank God, life, and the universe for everyone and everything sent your way. Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 1

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    August 21. Detaching in Relationships.

    When we first become exposed to the concept of detachment, many of us find it objectionable and questionable. We may think that detaching means we don't care. We may believe that by controlling, worrying, and trying to force things to happen, we're showing how much we care. We...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 9 hrs ago

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    August 12. Directness.

    Direct people are a joy to be around. We never have to guess what they're really thinking or feeling, because they're honest about their thoughts and openly express their feelings. We never have to wonder if they're with us because they want to be, or if they're there out of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 12

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    I Realised This Today

    I was on a website trying, as I have been for what seems like eons, to work out what is wrong with me.  My activity here today is the culmination of that work with this being my first story here. I found an immense list of characteristics of codependent people...
    TheFunHasGone TheFunHasGone 36-40, F 10 Responses Jun 30, 2009

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    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    August 15. Leaving Room

    for Feelings. We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings. We are people, not robots. An important part of us - who we are, how we grow, how we live - is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes - difficult...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 6 days ago

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    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    Almost All My Characteristics :(

    Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are: An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time A tendency to...
    writingablog writingablog 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 19, 2012

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    July 25. Keep at It. Keep practicing your

    recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven't quite taken yet, even if you don't get it yet. Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 25

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    June 26. Surviving Slumps.

    A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused, and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 26

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    Letting Go (help)

    I find that I have a hard time with people who need help. It is very difficult for me to let things (they do, have done, or have happened to them etc) go when I know those things are causing them harm. I try to not focus on them, but the pain that I know is coming weighs on my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Feb 8, 2011

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    July 26. Owning Our Power.

    Don't you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 26

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    July 24. Denial. Denial is a powerful tool.

    Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision. Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 24

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    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying

    so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold. Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 27

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    June 7. Into Orbit. "It doesn't matter

    if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER." —Codependent No More I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    June 16. Feeling Good.

    "Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life." —Beyond Codependency There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    August 11. Healing. Let healing energy flow

    through your body. The healing energy of God, the Universe, life, and recovery surrounds us. It is available, waiting for us to draw on it, waiting for us to draw it in. It's waiting at our meetings or groups, on the words of a whispered prayer, in a gentle touch, a positive...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

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    What It Means To Me.

    I don't know how to read people.I keep thinking that I'm "bad" if I don't do something perfectly. I feel like I have to keep striving for something but I don't know what it is. I get scared that if I say or do the wrong thing that people won't like me. If I walk into a room...
    peaceapple peaceapple 36-40 5 Responses Feb 17, 2011

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    August 4. Vulnerability.

    "I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am." —Anonymous Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 4

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    When you face the tears

    and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders. What follows are a few...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M 1 Response Jan 19

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    Coda Is Working For Me

    I'm blogging a little on here, about my struggle to let go of the life I thought I was going to have with these people I love so much.  Learning about codependency and attending the meetings and getting all the support and resources for it are really saving my sanity.  I am...
    rapturetourniquet rapturetourniquet 31-35 2 Responses Jun 9, 2011

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    August 3. Owning Our Power in Relationships.

    "So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships." —Anonymous No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 3

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    August 13. Friends. Don't overlook the value

    of friendship. Don't neglect friends. Friends are a joy. Adult friendships can be a good place for us to learn to have fun and to appreciate how much fun we can have with a friend. Friends can be a comfort. Who knows us better, or is more able to give us support, than a good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 13

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    August 9. Asking for What We Need.

    Decide what it is you want and need, and then go to the person you need it from and ask for it. Sometimes, it takes hard work and much energy to get what we want and need. We have to go through the pains of identifying what we want, then struggle to believe that we deserve it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 9

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    August 16. Rescuing Ourselves.

    No one likes a martyr. How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away. Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    August 14. Owning Our Power.

    Many of us have someone in our life that challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves. When we hear that person's voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

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    Just Found Out That I Am A Codependent And That It Hurt My Marriage For The Whole Duration

    Just had a very hard time with my marriage for the first time in 8 years. My wife suddenly told me that she wasn't sure that she wanted to be here anymore. We have two young sons (5.5 and 3.5) years old. I immediately panicked and exploded with thoughts and words of self harm and...
    frenchyStAnger frenchyStAnger 31-35, M 3 Responses Sep 14, 2013

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    June 18. Being Vulnerable.

    Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections - not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 18

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    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    August 10. Letting Go of Perfection.

    "As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies — laughing at myself for my ways — gets me a lot further than picking on myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that's really what it's all about — absolute loving...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 11

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    July 31. Letting Go of What We Want.

    "For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily." —Beyond Codependency In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 31

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    July 23. Making It Happen.

    Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 23

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    August 7. Saying No. For many of us,

    the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No. No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 7

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    June 30. Accepting Change.

    One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plant for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 30

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    In Limbo Right Now

    Hello All, I have realized that I am codependent for a little over a year now. I am a man in my 40s,  I have been married for almost 14 years and we have a precious 9 year old son.  My wife and I are in limbo it seems.  I am active right now in my...
    Joe43 Joe43 41-45 2 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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    August 5. Attitudes Toward Money.

    Sometimes, our life and history may be so full of pain that we think it totally unfair that we have to grow up now and be financially responsible for ourselves. The feeling is understandable; the attitude is not healthy. Many people in recovery may believe that certain people...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 5

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    June 29. God's Will. God's will most often

    happens in spite of us, not because of us. We may try to second guess what God has in mind for us, looking, searching, hypervigilant to seek God's will as though it were a buried treasure, hidden beyond our reach. If we find it, we win the prize. But if we're not careful, we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 29

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    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107 51-55, F Nov 26, 2011

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    August 8. Saying Yes.

    Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today, let's discuss another important word: Yes. We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want - for others and ourselves. We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Aug 8

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    I Wanted To Share This Poem

    I learned that I am codependent thought one of my classes at the University.  My professor, who is also codependent, shared this poem with us and I wanted to share it with all of you now! Comes the Dawn Veronica Shorffstall, 1971 After a while you learn the subtle...
    NovemberBlue NovemberBlue 22-25, F 5 Responses Jun 23, 2010

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    August 20. Honesty in Relationships.

    We can be honest and direct about our boundaries in relationships and about the parameters of a particular relationship. Perhaps no area of our life reflects our uniqueness and individuality in recovery more than our relationships. Some of us are in a committed relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    August 18. Valuing this Moment.

    "Detachment involves present moment living - living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. We relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day." —Codependent No More This moment, we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    I think I'm a textbook codependent.

    Grew up with a single mother who battled chemical dependency and severe depression. I always took care of her - including rescuing her from many suicide attempts - she slit her wrists more times than I can count and I always found her, bandaged her, called the ambulance, etc...
    bsmaz bsmaz 41-45, F 1 Response 5 days ago

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    July 28. Fear. One day,

    I decided to try something new. I took my ten-year-old son out on the St. Croix River on a Waverunner. A Waverunner is a small boating vehicle resembling a motorcycle. We donned life jackets and embarked on an experience that turned out to be both exhilarating and frightening...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 28

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    August 6. Solving Problems.

    Problems are made to be solved! Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?" . . . "Isn't life awful?" . . . "How come this had to happen?" . . . "Oh, dear. This is terrible." . . . "Why...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Aug 6

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    June 24. Detachment. Detachment doesn't come

    naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment. "The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 24

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    Jlk081981 Jlk081981 31-35 1 Response Mar 28

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    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 11

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    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings 26-30 4 Responses Jan 22

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