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I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 421 People

    December 14. Clear Thinking.

    Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we've spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn't going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial. We didn...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 14, 2014

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    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    December 29. Moving On.

    "Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief." —Codependent No More Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship. This is true in love, in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 29, 2014

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    December 23. Holiday Triggers.

    "One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 23, 2014

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    Circle’s complete. 365 days.

    Thank you all for reading my daily posts from Melody Beattie’s book, “The Language of Letting Go.” Wishing you and yours an amazing New Year filled with infinite good, love and light.
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jan 1

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    December 21. Balance.

    Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance. In the past, we may have tolerated too much or too little. We may have expected too much or too little. We may swing from tolerating abuse, mistreatment, and deception to refusing to tolerate normal...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 21, 2014

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    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 11, 2014

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    December 18. Staying Open to Our Feelings.

    Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery. "If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry." "I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget." "I'm not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 18, 2014

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    December 16. Taking Care of Ourselves

    Emotionally. What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I'm feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 16, 2014

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    December 26. Growth. Just

    as when we were children and grew out of favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, and homes. This can be confusing. We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 26, 2014

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    December 30. Laying the Foundation.

    The groundwork has been laid. Do you not see that? Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose? There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release. You have been prepared. The same way a builder must...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 30, 2014

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    December 13. Giving. Don't be afraid of giving.

    For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful. This is a temporary spot. To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 13, 2014

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    December 8. Valuing Our Needs.

    When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better. Maybe others taught us it wasn't polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don't, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 8, 2014

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    December 27. Near the Top.

    I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever. It won't. You are almost through. You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 27, 2014

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    October 20. Detaching with Love.

    Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates. When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 20, 2014

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    December 19. Work Roles.

    How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient. But we can also let our self-shine through our role. There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 19, 2014

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    Jlk081981 Jlk081981 31-35 1 Response Mar 28, 2014

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    September 24. Allowing Ourselves to be Needy.

    We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 24, 2014

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    October 12. During Times of Grief.

    The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 12, 2014

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    Coda Is Working For Me

    I'm blogging a little on here, about my struggle to let go of the life I thought I was going to have with these people I love so much.  Learning about codependency and attending the meetings and getting all the support and resources for it are really saving my sanity.  I am...
    rapturetourniquet rapturetourniquet 31-35 2 Responses Jun 9, 2011

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    Recovery

    When I first joined the path to overcoming codependency, I found that I was carrying a lot of baggage for other people (not that they asked me to or even knew.) I tried to toss out things that weren't really my stuff. Since there was a lot of baggage it was kinda easy at first...
    madstalker madstalker 41-45, M Jan 6, 2013

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    September 18. Letting the Good Stuff Happen.

    "Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!" —Anonymous I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 18, 2014

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    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings 26-30 4 Responses Jan 22, 2014

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    December 5. Difficult People.

    Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 5, 2014

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    Wanting To Get Better

    My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that...
    brightsmove brightsmove 36-40, F 1 Response May 4, 2012

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    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2014

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    November 9. Asking for Help.

    It's okay to ask for help. One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource. We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 9, 2014

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    December 7. When the Time is Right.

    There are times when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go, next. Sometimes these periods are brief, sometimes lingering. We can get through these times. We can rely on our program and the disciplines of recovery. We can cope by using our faith, other people, and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 7, 2014

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    I Am A Huge One!

    I rely on my mom to survive. I'm 17 with Aspergers... And I guess I rely on her to survive but also because if I lose her, I wouldn't know how to provide for myself. I'm scared to live on my own--well, secretly I don't want to. I'm scared to be alone and have to fend for myself...
    don29002 don29002 18-21, M 1 Response Oct 15, 2013

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    December 22. Good Things Coming.

    Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come. It will come. Do not worry, obsess, and think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you. It will find you. Surrender to your...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 22, 2014

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    Dec. 25. The Holidays.

    Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I've learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 24, 2014

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    December 12. God's Will.

    Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go. Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 12, 2014

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    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 5, 2014

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    September 5. Step Ten.

    "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." —Step Ten of Al Anon Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten. This Step incorporates the process we have gone...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 5, 2014

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    December 11. Affirmations.

    One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think - using our mental energy positively. Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don't like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 11, 2014

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    Letting Go (help)

    I find that I have a hard time with people who need help. It is very difficult for me to let things (they do, have done, or have happened to them etc) go when I know those things are causing them harm. I try to not focus on them, but the pain that I know is coming weighs on my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Feb 8, 2011

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    June 24. Detachment. Detachment doesn't come

    naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment. "The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 24, 2014

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    cheadj29 cheadj29 26-30, M Dec 13, 2014

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    September 20. Spontaneity.

    In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous. Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 20, 2014

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    October 16. Being Honest with Ourselves.

    Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships. When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others. When we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Oct 16, 2014

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    December 24. Getting Through the Holidays.

    For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 24, 2014

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    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    December 15. Feelings.

    It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them. Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived. Many of us needed to shut down...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 15, 2014

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    December 6. Letting Go of Shame.

    Many of us were victimized, sometimes more than once. We may have been physically abused, sexually abused, or exploited by the addictions of another. Understand that if another person has abused us, it is not cause for us to feel shame. The guilt for the act of abuse belongs...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 6, 2014

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    Trying To Make Big Changes

    I am a codependent. It's an admission that's not easy to make, but a necessary one to acknowledge. The first step to making changes is to acknowledge that there is something I want to change. We are what we repeatedly do, and I want to be healthy and happy. To accomplish this I...
    findmeholdmeloveme findmeholdmeloveme 18-21 1 Response Aug 19, 2013

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    In those small wee hours of the night

    where sleep won't come, the nerves are set, the days gone to pieces in front you and all you can this is..... yeah the lyrics of the song say it all.  It may as well have been perfectly written in response to those thoughts of madness that curve and curl inside, I'm sure...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I had a big codependency flare yesterday.

    Im learning to be gentle with my self. It most certainly isn't easy 😒 ugh this is sooo annoying.
    milanmilan milanmilan 36-40, F Dec 7, 2014

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    What It Means To Me.

    I don't know how to read people.I keep thinking that I'm "bad" if I don't do something perfectly. I feel like I have to keep striving for something but I don't know what it is. I get scared that if I say or do the wrong thing that people won't like me. If I walk into a room...
    peaceapple peaceapple 36-40 5 Responses Feb 17, 2011

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    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107 51-55, F Nov 26, 2011

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    December 20. Expectations of Others.

    It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source. It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 20, 2014

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    December 31. Affirming the Good.

    "Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful." —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 31, 2014

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