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I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 452 People

    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    December 21. Balance.

    Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance. In the past, we may have tolerated too much or too little. We may have expected too much or too little. We may swing from tolerating abuse, mistreatment, and deception to refusing to tolerate normal...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 21, 2014

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    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings 26-30 4 Responses Jan 22, 2014

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    December 18. Staying Open to Our Feelings.

    Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery. "If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry." "I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget." "I'm not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 18, 2014

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    December 22. Good Things Coming.

    Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come. It will come. Do not worry, obsess, and think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you. It will find you. Surrender to your...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 22, 2014

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    December 23. Holiday Triggers.

    "One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 23, 2014

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    How is it possible that it is easier

    for someone who has 2 children and a wife to pack his bags and leave a country cause of better job opportunity, than me, who has only 2 aging parents, 4 years older sister, and no children? Even I did my retraining, gathered all required documents, learned new language at home...
    cureav cureav 31-35, M 1 Response May 19

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    December 15. Feelings.

    It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them. Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived. Many of us needed to shut down...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 15, 2014

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    When you face the tears

    and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders. What follows are a few...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M 1 Response Jan 19, 2014

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    I Realised This Today

    I was on a website trying, as I have been for what seems like eons, to work out what is wrong with me.  My activity here today is the culmination of that work with this being my first story here. I found an immense list of characteristics of codependent people...
    TheFunHasGone TheFunHasGone 36-40, F 10 Responses Jun 30, 2009

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    I will share my experiences

    as a codependent and how I'm healing from it. I hope I can inspire some of you. Today I feel lighter. I pampered myself and ate a few more cookies than I usually would. I'm planning to treat myself to a trip to California. :-) in gonna get a new tattoo and hairstyle. The...
    ladysapio ladysapio 22-25, F 1 Response 6 days ago

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    I want the world to be happy.

    Is that so bad? I just want to be useful. I just want to defy the expectation of selfishness written on the stars, written in my relative's memories. Tell me, am I good enough? Have I sacrificed enough? I just want to be good to you. Good to everyone. For their own sake.
    Fuzzies Fuzzies 61-65, M May 11

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    The Hardest Lessons Are Those We Learn Ourselves.

    I've spent the past twenty years going from relationship to relationship, seeking that One Person who would make me happy to be alive.  There were fleeting moments, teases of what happiness really was, but never anything that stuck.  The past five and a half years were...
    witchywomin witchywomin 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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    December 28. Panic. Don't panic!

    If panic strikes, we do not have to allow it to control our behaviors. Behaviors controlled by panic tend to be self-defeating. No matter what the situation or circumstance, panic is usually not a good foundation. No matter what the situation or circumstance, we usually have at...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 28, 2014

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    cheadj29 cheadj29 26-30, M Dec 13, 2014

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    September 18. Letting the Good Stuff Happen.

    "Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!" —Anonymous I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 18, 2014

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    December 31. Affirming the Good.

    "Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful." —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 31, 2014

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    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2014

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    So I joined these extremely helpful groups on

    Facebook for people who've dealt with narcissistic abuse and codependency and I shared my story of abuse there. It really felt good to let it all out for people to see and share their experiences and/or insight and I realized that all along I'm not weak or a bad person. I'm...
    ladysapio ladysapio 22-25, F 5 days ago

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    September 24. Allowing Ourselves to be Needy.

    We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 24, 2014

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    Today is unexpectedly difficult.

    I don't know how to shake the guilt I feel over stopping communicating with him. (It's been two weeks since I've initiated convo but a week since our last one) I know that I have to do this for myself, but I can't stop thinking about what he might be feeling. Is he sad? Worse...
    deleted deleted 26-30 1 Response Apr 29

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    Today I found myself thinking of an individual

    in my like, I found my self thinking of how I feel that they can be judgmental at times. In the middle of my flow of thoughts it occurred to me that at that very moment I myself was being judgmental. I've heard some wise people say that as they were listening to others speak...
    OhGK OhGK 26-30, F Mar 29

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    December 19. Work Roles.

    How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient. But we can also let our self-shine through our role. There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 19, 2014

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    December 20. Expectations of Others.

    It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source. It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 20, 2014

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    December 12. God's Will.

    Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go. Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 12, 2014

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    Dec. 25. The Holidays.

    Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I've learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 24, 2014

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    October 2. Coping with Families.

    There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 2, 2014

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    December 14. Clear Thinking.

    Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we've spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn't going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial. We didn...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 14, 2014

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    October 16. Being Honest with Ourselves.

    Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships. When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others. When we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Oct 16, 2014

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    Circle’s complete. 365 days.

    Thank you all for reading my daily posts from Melody Beattie’s book, “The Language of Letting Go.” Wishing you and yours an amazing New Year filled with infinite good, love and light.
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jan 1

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    I've been told by a couple people

    that I am a codependent person, but was always in denial. Just today it dawned on me that I was almost killed by this condition and now I am enabling someone close to me to the point where he could die. One of the things that stood out while reading websites on this condition...
    inaforest inaforest 26-30, F 2 Responses Apr 25

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    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 11, 2014

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    December 30. Laying the Foundation.

    The groundwork has been laid. Do you not see that? Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose? There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release. You have been prepared. The same way a builder must...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 30, 2014

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    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107 51-55, F Nov 26, 2011

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    Wanting To Get Better

    My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that...
    brightsmove brightsmove 36-40, F 1 Response May 4, 2012

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    Ignoring is another form of controlling.

    .. I heard this from a monk and found it to be very insightful and for me profound
    OhGK OhGK 26-30, F 2 Responses Oct 25, 2014

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    December 27. Near the Top.

    I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever. It won't. You are almost through. You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 27, 2014

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    October 12. During Times of Grief.

    The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 12, 2014

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    In Limbo Right Now

    Hello All, I have realized that I am codependent for a little over a year now. I am a man in my 40s,  I have been married for almost 14 years and we have a precious 9 year old son.  My wife and I are in limbo it seems.  I am active right now in my...
    Joe43 Joe43 41-45 2 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    September 20. Spontaneity.

    In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous. Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 20, 2014

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    In those small wee hours of the night

    where sleep won't come, the nerves are set, the days gone to pieces in front you and all you can this is..... yeah the lyrics of the song say it all.  It may as well have been perfectly written in response to those thoughts of madness that curve and curl inside, I'm sure...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody 31-35, F Jan 25

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    December 13. Giving. Don't be afraid of giving.

    For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful. This is a temporary spot. To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 13, 2014

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    I Wanted To Share This Poem

    I learned that I am codependent thought one of my classes at the University.  My professor, who is also codependent, shared this poem with us and I wanted to share it with all of you now! Comes the Dawn Veronica Shorffstall, 1971 After a while you learn the subtle...
    NovemberBlue NovemberBlue 22-25, F 5 Responses Jun 23, 2010

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    December 26. Growth. Just

    as when we were children and grew out of favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, and homes. This can be confusing. We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 26, 2014

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    I found that last year I was a codependent.

    Its been the most liberating and challenging journey life has given me. Along the way I met someone when I least expected it. I started recovery last year in September and became involved with him in November. I had not dated anyone in nearly 3 years which I find ironic the time...
    lovinglotusxoxo lovinglotusxoxo 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 4

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