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I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 422 People

    September 5. Step Ten.

    "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." —Step Ten of Al Anon Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten. This Step incorporates the process we have gone...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 5

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    December 19. Work Roles.

    How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient. But we can also let our self-shine through our role. There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    December 18. Staying Open to Our Feelings.

    Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery. "If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry." "I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget." "I'm not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 days ago

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    cheadj29 cheadj29 26-30, M a week ago

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    Coda Is Working For Me

    I'm blogging a little on here, about my struggle to let go of the life I thought I was going to have with these people I love so much.  Learning about codependency and attending the meetings and getting all the support and resources for it are really saving my sanity.  I am...
    rapturetourniquet rapturetourniquet 31-35 2 Responses Jun 9, 2011

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    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 11

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    December 7. When the Time is Right.

    There are times when we simply do not know what to do, or where to go, next. Sometimes these periods are brief, sometimes lingering. We can get through these times. We can rely on our program and the disciplines of recovery. We can cope by using our faith, other people, and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 7

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    I had a big codependency flare yesterday.

    Im learning to be gentle with my self. It most certainly isn't easy 😒 ugh this is sooo annoying.
    milanmilan milanmilan 36-40, F Dec 7

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    December 13. Giving. Don't be afraid of giving.

    For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful. This is a temporary spot. To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 13

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    September 23. Tolerance.

    Practice tolerance. Tolerate our quirks, our feelings, our reactions, our peculiarities, and our humanness. Tolerate our ups and downs, our resistance to change, and our struggling and sometimes awkward nature. Tolerate our fears, our mistakes, our natural tendency to duck...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Sep 23

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    I Am A Huge One!

    I rely on my mom to survive. I'm 17 with Aspergers... And I guess I rely on her to survive but also because if I lose her, I wouldn't know how to provide for myself. I'm scared to live on my own--well, secretly I don't want to. I'm scared to be alone and have to fend for myself...
    don29002 don29002 18-21, M 1 Response Oct 15, 2013

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    December 16. Taking Care of Ourselves

    Emotionally. What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I'm feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    When you face the tears

    and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders. What follows are a few...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M 1 Response Jan 19

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    Wanting To Get Better

    My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that...
    brightsmove brightsmove 36-40, F 1 Response May 4, 2012

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    December 4. Letting Go.

    "How much do we need to let go of?" a friend asked one day. "I'm not certain," I replied, "but maybe everything." Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Dec 4

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    December 8. Valuing Our Needs.

    When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better. Maybe others taught us it wasn't polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don't, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 8

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    November 25. Awareness.

    When we first become aware of a problem, a situation, or a feeling, we may react with anxiety or fear. There is no need to fear awareness. No need. Awareness is the first step toward positive change and growth. It's the first step toward solving the problem, or getting the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 25

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    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 5

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    December 2. Putting Our Life on Hold.

    We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on. If we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 2

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    Jlk081981 Jlk081981 31-35 1 Response Mar 28

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    December 1. Letting People Be There

    for Us. Sometimes, we need nurturing. Sometimes, we need people to support us. Many of us have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long we may not realize it's something we want and need. Many of us have learned to block our stop ourselves from getting what we want...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 1

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    November 27. We can Trust Ourselves.

    For many of us, the issue is not whether we can trust another person again; it's whether we can trust our own judgment again. "The last mistake I made almost cost me my sanity," said one recovering woman who married a sex addict. "I can't afford to make another mistake like...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 27

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    December 21. Balance.

    Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance. In the past, we may have tolerated too much or too little. We may have expected too much or too little. We may swing from tolerating abuse, mistreatment, and deception to refusing to tolerate normal...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 7 hrs ago

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    Recovery

    When I first joined the path to overcoming codependency, I found that I was carrying a lot of baggage for other people (not that they asked me to or even knew.) I tried to toss out things that weren't really my stuff. Since there was a lot of baggage it was kinda easy at first...
    madstalker madstalker 41-45, M Jan 6, 2013

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    November 30. Detachment.

    One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we - chasing it. "There it is. Get it!" we'd scream, each time someone spotted...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 30

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    November 9. Asking for Help.

    It's okay to ask for help. One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource. We don't have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 9

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    I Realised This Today

    I was on a website trying, as I have been for what seems like eons, to work out what is wrong with me.  My activity here today is the culmination of that work with this being my first story here. I found an immense list of characteristics of codependent people...
    TheFunHasGone TheFunHasGone 36-40, F 10 Responses Jun 30, 2009

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    December 20. Expectations of Others.

    It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source. It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 day ago

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    In Limbo Right Now

    Hello All, I have realized that I am codependent for a little over a year now. I am a man in my 40s,  I have been married for almost 14 years and we have a precious 9 year old son.  My wife and I are in limbo it seems.  I am active right now in my...
    Joe43 Joe43 41-45 2 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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    November 29. Step Twelve.

    The Twelfth Step says that having had a spiritual awakening, we try to carry this message to others. Our message is one of hope, love, comfort, health - a better way of life, one that works. How do we carry it? Not by rescuing. Not by controlling. Not by obsessing. Not by...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 29

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    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings 26-30 4 Responses Jan 22

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    December 5. Difficult People.

    Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 5

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    The Hardest Lessons Are Those We Learn Ourselves.

    I've spent the past twenty years going from relationship to relationship, seeking that One Person who would make me happy to be alive.  There were fleeting moments, teases of what happiness really was, but never anything that stuck.  The past five and a half years were...
    witchywomin witchywomin 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107 51-55, F Nov 26, 2011

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    September 20. Spontaneity.

    In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous. Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 20

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    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    September 24. Allowing Ourselves to be Needy.

    We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Sep 24

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    I think I need to leave once

    and for all and get off of this stupid roller coaster, but when I threaten he becomes needy and I feel guilty. He turns back into the guy I fell in love with. I have recently come to realize that I need to deal with my issues and quit trying to save him from his. When I need...
    screaminginside81 screaminginside81 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 25

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    December 3. Developing Healthy Tolerance.

    Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 3

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    October 12. During Times of Grief.

    The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 12

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    June 24. Detachment. Detachment doesn't come

    naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment. "The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 24

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    December 11. Affirmations.

    One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think - using our mental energy positively. Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don't like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 11

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    Almost All My Characteristics :(

    Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are: An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time A tendency to...
    writingablog writingablog 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 19, 2012

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    Letting Go (help)

    I find that I have a hard time with people who need help. It is very difficult for me to let things (they do, have done, or have happened to them etc) go when I know those things are causing them harm. I try to not focus on them, but the pain that I know is coming weighs on my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Feb 8, 2011

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    December 12. God's Will.

    Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go. Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Dec 12

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    November 28. Back to the Steps.

    Go back to the Steps. Go back to a Step When we don't know what to do next, when we feel confused, upset, distraught, at the end of our rope, overwhelmed, full of self will, rage, or despair, go back to the Steps. No matter what situation we are facing, working a Step will...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Nov 28

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    Trying To Make Big Changes

    I am a codependent. It's an admission that's not easy to make, but a necessary one to acknowledge. The first step to making changes is to acknowledge that there is something I want to change. We are what we repeatedly do, and I want to be healthy and happy. To accomplish this I...
    findmeholdmeloveme findmeholdmeloveme 18-21 1 Response Aug 19, 2013

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    October 16. Being Honest with Ourselves.

    Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships. When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others. When we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Oct 16

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    What It Means To Me.

    I don't know how to read people.I keep thinking that I'm "bad" if I don't do something perfectly. I feel like I have to keep striving for something but I don't know what it is. I get scared that if I say or do the wrong thing that people won't like me. If I walk into a room...
    peaceapple peaceapple 36-40 5 Responses Feb 17, 2011

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