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I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 385 People

    July 2. Who Knows Best?

    Others do not know what's best for us. We do not know what's best for others. It is our job to determine what's best for ourselves. "I know what you need." . . . "I know what you should do." . . . "Now listen, this is what I think you should be working on right now." These...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 2

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    I Wanted To Share This Poem

    I learned that I am codependent thought one of my classes at the University.  My professor, who is also codependent, shared this poem with us and I wanted to share it with all of you now! Comes the Dawn Veronica Shorffstall, 1971 After a while you learn the subtle...
    NovemberBlue NovemberBlue 22-25, F 5 Responses Jun 23, 2010

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    July 4. Celebrate. Take time to celebrate.

    Celebrate your successes, your growth, and your accomplishments. Celebrate you and who you are. For too long you have been too hard on yourself. Others have spilled their negative energy - their attitudes, beliefs, and pain - on you. It had nothing to do with you! All along...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 4

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    July 28. Fear. One day,

    I decided to try something new. I took my ten-year-old son out on the St. Croix River on a Waverunner. A Waverunner is a small boating vehicle resembling a motorcycle. We donned life jackets and embarked on an experience that turned out to be both exhilarating and frightening...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 days ago

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    July 19. Proving It to Ourselves.

    "I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me." —Anonymous "I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 19

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    I Realised This Today

    I was on a website trying, as I have been for what seems like eons, to work out what is wrong with me.  My activity here today is the culmination of that work with this being my first story here. I found an immense list of characteristics of codependent people...
    TheFunHasGone TheFunHasGone 36-40, F 10 Responses Jun 30, 2009

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    July 15. Self-care with Family Members.

    "I was thirty- five years old the first time I spoke up to my mother and refused to buy into her games and manipulation. I was terribly frightened and almost couldn't believe I was doing this. I found I didn't have to be mean. I didn't have to start an argument. But I could say...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 15

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    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107 51-55, F Nov 26, 2011

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    July 24. Denial. Denial is a powerful tool.

    Never underestimate its ability to cloud your vision. Be aware that, for many reasons, we have become experts at using this tool to make reality more tolerable. We have learned well how to stop the pain caused by reality - not by changing our circumstances, but by pretending...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F a week ago

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    July 14. We Are Lovable.

    "Even if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay." —Codependent No More Do you ever find yourself thinking: How could anyone possibly love me? For many of us, this is a deeply ingrained belief that can become a self...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 14

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    July 25. Keep at It. Keep practicing your

    recovery behaviors, even when they feel awkward, even when they haven't quite taken yet, even if you don't get it yet. Sometimes it takes years for a recovery concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul. We need to work at recovery behaviors with the diligence, effort...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    July 31. Letting Go of What We Want.

    "For those of us who have survived by controlling and surrendering, letting go may not come easily." —Beyond Codependency In recovery, we learn that it is important to identify what we want and need. Where does this concept leave us? With a large but clearly identified...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 hrs ago

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    July 12. Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment.

    "Where are you, God? Where did you go?" So many people have gone away. We may have felt so alone so much. In the midst of our struggles and lessons, we may wonder if God has gone away too. There are wondrous days when we feel God's protection and presence, leading and guiding...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 12

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    Almost All My Characteristics :(

    Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are: An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time A tendency to...
    writingablog writingablog 31-35, F 5 Responses Jan 19, 2012

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    June 26. Surviving Slumps.

    A slump can go on for days. We feel sluggish, unfocused, and sometimes overwhelmed with feelings we can't sort out. We may not understand what is going on with us. Even our attempts to practice recovery behaviors may not appear to work. We still don't feel emotionally, mentally...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 26

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    July 18. Time to Get Angry.

    It's about time you got angry - yes, that angry. Anger can be such a potent, frightening emotion. It can also be a feeling that guides us to important decisions, sometimes decisions difficult to make. It can signal other people's problems, our problems, or simply problems we...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 18

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    Trying To Make Big Changes

    I am a codependent. It's an admission that's not easy to make, but a necessary one to acknowledge. The first step to making changes is to acknowledge that there is something I want to change. We are what we repeatedly do, and I want to be healthy and happy. To accomplish this I...
    findmeholdmeloveme findmeholdmeloveme 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 19, 2013

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    What It Means To Me.

    I don't know how to read people.I keep thinking that I'm "bad" if I don't do something perfectly. I feel like I have to keep striving for something but I don't know what it is. I get scared that if I say or do the wrong thing that people won't like me. If I walk into a room...
    peaceapple peaceapple 36-40 5 Responses Feb 17, 2011

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    July 22. Learning to Trust Again.

    Many of us have trust issues. Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible; for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 22

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    Letting Go (help)

    I find that I have a hard time with people who need help. It is very difficult for me to let things (they do, have done, or have happened to them etc) go when I know those things are causing them harm. I try to not focus on them, but the pain that I know is coming weighs on my...
    deleted deleted 26-30 4 Responses Feb 8, 2011

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    July 9. Overspending

    and Underspending. "I used to beat my husband to death with my credit card. It made me feel like I had some control, some way to get even with him." —Anonymous "I spent ten years buying everything for myself at garage sales. I didn't even buy myself a new pair of shoes...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 9

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    July 1. Receiving. Here is an exercise.

    Today let someone give to you. Let someone do something nice for you. Let someone give you a compliment or tell you something good about yourself. Let someone help you. Then, stand there and take it. Take it in. Feel it. Know that you are worthy and deserving. Do not apologize...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 1

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    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 2 Responses Mar 5

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    July 30. Accepting Powerlessness.

    Since I've been a child, I've been in an antagonistic relationship with an important emotional part of myself: my feelings. I have consistently tried to ignore, repress, or force my feelings away. I have tried to create unnatural feelings or force away feelings that were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response 1 day ago

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    Recovery

    When I first joined the path to overcoming codependency, I found that I was carrying a lot of baggage for other people (not that they asked me to or even knew.) I tried to toss out things that weren't really my stuff. Since there was a lot of baggage it was kinda easy at first...
    madstalker madstalker 41-45, M Jan 6, 2013

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    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 11

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    Making Healthier Decisions...But Still Don'T Have A Lot Of Skills

    I just left a relationship with a man who was a commitment phobe. I loved him a lot, and I thought I was establishing healthier patterns in my relationship with him. He wouldn't commit. That was all the fights were about. As long as there was no talk of future, we were fine...
    rosedl rosedl 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 23, 2013

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    July 17. Love, in Words

    and Actions. Many of us have confused notions about what it means to be loved and cared about. Many of us were loved and cared for by people who had discrepancies between what they said and did. We may have had a mother or father who said, "I love you" to us, and then...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 17

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    July 21. Being Is Enough.

    We are not always clear about what we are experiencing, or why. In the midst of grief, transition, transformation, learning, healing, or discipline - it's difficult to have perspective. That's because we have not learned the lesson yet. We are in the midst of it. The gift of...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 21

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    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby 46-50, M 3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

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    July 26. Owning Our Power.

    Don't you see? We do not have to be so victimized by life, by people, by situations, by work, by our friends, by our love relationships, by our family, by our feelings, our thoughts, our circumstances, and ourselves. We are not victims. We do not have to be victims. That is...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 5 days ago

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    July 20. Letting Go of Resistance.

    Do not be in such a hurry to move on. Relax. Breathe deeply. Be. Be in harmony today. Be open. There is beauty around and in us today. There is purpose and meaning in today. There is importance in today - not so much in what happens to us, but in how we respond. Let today...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 20

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    July 27. Letting Go. Stop trying

    so hard to control things. It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life. Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen. But we can now. The way life is unfolding is good. Let it unfold. Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 days ago

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    June 18. Being Vulnerable.

    Part of recovery means learning to share ourselves with other people. We learn to admit our mistakes and expose our imperfections - not so that others can fix us, rescue us, or feel sorry for us, but so we can love and accept ourselves. This sharing is a catalyst in healing and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 18

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    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings 26-30 4 Responses Jan 22

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    July 6. Step Seven. Humbly asked God to remove

    our shortcomings. —Step Seven of Al-Anon In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolved grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 6

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    When you face the tears

    and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders. What follows are a few...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling 51-55, M 1 Response Jan 19

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    June 24. Detachment. Detachment doesn't come

    naturally for many of us. But once we realize the value of this recovery principle, we understand how vital detachment is. The following story illustrates how a woman came to understand detachment. "The first time I practiced detachment was when I let go of my alcoholic husband...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 24

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    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope 22-25, F 2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

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    July 3. Directness. So much of our

    communication can reflect our need to control. We say what we think others want to hear. We try to keep others from getting angry, feeling afraid, going away, or disliking us. But our need to control traps us into feeling like victims and martyrs. Freedom is just a few words...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 3

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    June 16. Feeling Good.

    "Having boundaries doesn't complicate life; boundaries simplify life." —Beyond Codependency There is a positive aspect to boundary setting. We learn to listen to ourselves and identify what hurt us and what we don't like. But we also learn to identify what feels good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 16

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    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 17

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    The Hardest Lessons Are Those We Learn Ourselves.

    I've spent the past twenty years going from relationship to relationship, seeking that One Person who would make me happy to be alive.  There were fleeting moments, teases of what happiness really was, but never anything that stuck.  The past five and a half years were...
    witchywomin witchywomin 31-35, F 6 Responses Aug 28, 2008

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    Jlk081981 Jlk081981 31-35 1 Response Mar 28

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    July 11. Bring Any Request to God.

    Bring any request you have to God. No request is too large; none too small or insignificant. How often we limit God by not bringing to God everything we want and need. Do we need help getting our balance? Getting through the day? Do we need help in a particular relationship...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 11

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    June 30. Accepting Change.

    One day, my mother and I were working together in the garden. We were transplanting some plant for the third time. Grown from seed in a small container, the plants had been transferred to a larger container; then transplanted into the garden. Now, because I was moving, we were...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 30

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    July 16. Insisting on the Best.

    We deserve the best life and love has to offer, but we are each faced with the challenge of learning to identify what that means in our life. We must each come to grips with our own understanding of what we believe we deserve, what we want, and whether we are receiving it...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 16

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    June 20. Relationship Martyrs.

    Many of us have gone so numb and discounted our feelings so completely that we have gotten out of touch with our needs in relationships. We can learn to distinguish whose company we enjoy, whether we're talking about friends, business acquaintances, dates, or spouses. We all...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jun 20

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    In Limbo Right Now

    Hello All, I have realized that I am codependent for a little over a year now. I am a man in my 40s,  I have been married for almost 14 years and we have a precious 9 year old son.  My wife and I are in limbo it seems.  I am active right now in my...
    Joe43 Joe43 41-45 2 Responses Jun 14, 2009

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    July 5. Survivor Guilt.

    We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves. Then it hits. Guilt. Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jul 5

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    June 7. Into Orbit. "It doesn't matter

    if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER." —Codependent No More I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Jun 7

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    Wanting To Get Better

    My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that...
    brightsmove brightsmove 36-40, F 1 Response May 4, 2012

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    July 23. Making It Happen.

    Stop trying so hard to make it happen. Stop doing so much, if doing so much is wearing you out or not achieving the desired results. Stop thinking so much and so hard about it. Stop worrying so about it. Stop trying to force, to manipulate, to coerce, or to make it happen...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Jul 23

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