I Am a Codependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 477 People

    December 26. Growth. Just

    as when we were children and grew out of favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, and homes. This can be confusing. We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 26, 2014

    In Limbo Right Now

    Hello All, I have realized that I am codependent for a little over a year now. I am a man in my 40s,  I have been married for almost 14 years and we have a precious 9 year old son.  My wife and I are in limbo it seems.  I am active right now in my...
    Joe43 Joe43
    2 Responses Jun 14, 2009

    December 27. Near the Top.

    I know you're tired. I know you feel overwhelmed. You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever. It won't. You are almost through. You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard. You have been tested, tried, and retested on what...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 27, 2014

    December 21. Balance.

    Strive for balanced expectations of others. Strive for healthy tolerance. In the past, we may have tolerated too much or too little. We may have expected too much or too little. We may swing from tolerating abuse, mistreatment, and deception to refusing to tolerate normal...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 21, 2014

    Today I found myself thinking of an individual

    in my like, I found my self thinking of how I feel that they can be judgmental at times. In the middle of my flow of thoughts it occurred to me that at that very moment I myself was being judgmental. I've heard some wise people say that as they were listening to others speak...
    OhGK OhGK
    26-30, F
    Mar 29, 2015

    Circle’s complete. 365 days.

    Thank you all for reading my daily posts from Melody Beattie’s book, “The Language of Letting Go.” Wishing you and yours an amazing New Year filled with infinite good, love and light.
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jan 1, 2015

    Total Chaos...but I'm Still In One Piece

    In April of 2010, I was on POF, an online site, two months out of my self-imposed dating isolation of 13 years. I had made the decision to not date until my kids were grown, knowing I couldn't trust myself in a relationship.My kids were already going through an unhealthy...
    lulu1107 lulu1107
    51-55, F
    Nov 26, 2011

    I just found the answer today!

    Read Ross Rosenberg's book The Human Magnet: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.
    StillLearningYup StillLearningYup
    66-70, F
    1 Response Sep 23, 2015

    I have this uncanny ability to attract women

    that are insecure and needy. I'm always giving and never receiving. I once thought that I was a "good guy" but now I feel like a codependent fool.
    OML1971 OML1971
    1 Response Mar 28, 2016

    Letting Go (help)

    I find that I have a hard time with people who need help. It is very difficult for me to let things (they do, have done, or have happened to them etc) go when I know those things are causing them harm. I try to not focus on them, but the pain that I know is coming weighs on my...
    deleted deleted
    4 Responses Feb 8, 2011

    December 31. Affirming the Good.

    "Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful." —Beyond Codependency Wait, and expect good things - for yourself and your loved ones. When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 31, 2014

    September 24. Allowing Ourselves to be Needy.

    We can accept ourselves as people who have needs - the need for comfort, love, understanding, friendship, and healthy touch. We need positive reinforcement, someone to listen to us, someone to give to us. We are not weak for needing these things. These needs make us human and...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Sep 24, 2014

    December 20. Expectations of Others.

    It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source. It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 20, 2014

    I have just discovered

    that I am codependent. It's not something that I want to be true, but it so obviously is. I'm terrified about what it means for my future (especially pertaining to romantic relationships) & what it means about my past (how was I "functioning" this way for so long & never fully...
    sitasings sitasings
    4 Responses Jan 22, 2014

    December 16. Taking Care of Ourselves

    Emotionally. What does it mean to take care of myself emotionally? I recognize when I'm feeling angry, and I accept that feeling without shame or blame. I recognize when I'm feeling hurt, and I accept those feelings without attempting to punish the source of my pain. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 16, 2014

    September 5. Step Ten.

    "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." —Step Ten of Al Anon Once we have worked our way to this Step, we can maintain and increase our self-esteem by regularly working Step Ten. This Step incorporates the process we have gone...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Sep 5, 2014

    December 19. Work Roles.

    How easy it is to dive into roles at work. How easy it is to place other people in roles. Sometimes, this is necessary, appropriate, and expedient. But we can also let our self-shine through our role. There is joy in giving our gift of skill at work, at giving ourselves to...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 19, 2014

    Coda Is Working For Me

    I'm blogging a little on here, about my struggle to let go of the life I thought I was going to have with these people I love so much.  Learning about codependency and attending the meetings and getting all the support and resources for it are really saving my sanity.  I am...
    rapturetourniquet rapturetourniquet
    2 Responses Jun 9, 2011

    October 12. During Times of Grief.

    The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to "cocoon for transformation," in Pat Carnes's words, while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Oct 12, 2014

    June 11. Moving Forward.

    Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Jun 11, 2014

    March 5. Be Who You Are.

    When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Mar 5, 2014

    I found that last year I was a codependent.

    Its been the most liberating and challenging journey life has given me. Along the way I met someone when I least expected it. I started recovery last year in September and became involved with him in November. I had not dated anyone in nearly 3 years which I find ironic the time...
    lovinglotusxoxo lovinglotusxoxo
    26-30, F
    1 Response Apr 4, 2015

    What It Means To Me.

    I don't know how to read people.I keep thinking that I'm "bad" if I don't do something perfectly. I feel like I have to keep striving for something but I don't know what it is. I get scared that if I say or do the wrong thing that people won't like me. If I walk into a room...
    peaceapple peaceapple
    5 Responses Feb 17, 2011

    December 18. Staying Open to Our Feelings.

    Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery. "If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry." "I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget." "I'm not...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 18, 2014

    The Hardest Lessons Are Those We Learn Ourselves.

    I've spent the past twenty years going from relationship to relationship, seeking that One Person who would make me happy to be alive.  There were fleeting moments, teases of what happiness really was, but never anything that stuck.  The past five and a half years were...
    witchywomin witchywomin
    31-35, F
    6 Responses Aug 28, 2008

    December 23. Holiday Triggers.

    "One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Dec 23, 2014


    When I first joined the path to overcoming codependency, I found that I was carrying a lot of baggage for other people (not that they asked me to or even knew.) I tried to toss out things that weren't really my stuff. Since there was a lot of baggage it was kinda easy at first...
    madstalker madstalker
    41-45, M
    Jan 6, 2013

    December 22. Good Things Coming.

    Do not worry about how the good that has been planned for you will come. It will come. Do not worry, obsess, and think you have to control it, go out hunting for it, or tangle your mind trying to figure out how and when it will find you. It will find you. Surrender to your...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 22, 2014

    I've been told by a couple people

    that I am a codependent person, but was always in denial. Just today it dawned on me that I was almost killed by this condition and now I am enabling someone close to me to the point where he could die. One of the things that stood out while reading websites on this condition...
    inaforest inaforest
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Apr 25, 2015

    Almost All My Characteristics :(

    Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are: An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time A tendency to...
    writingablog writingablog
    31-35, F
    5 Responses Jan 19, 2012

    In those small wee hours of the night

    where sleep won't come, the nerves are set, the days gone to pieces in front you and all you can this is..... yeah the lyrics of the song say it all.  It may as well have been perfectly written in response to those thoughts of madness that curve and curl inside, I'm sure...
    Littlemisssomebody Littlemisssomebody
    31-35, F
    Jan 25, 2015

    Dec. 25. The Holidays.

    Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I've learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 24, 2014

    Today is unexpectedly difficult.

    I don't know how to shake the guilt I feel over stopping communicating with him. (It's been two weeks since I've initiated convo but a week since our last one) I know that I have to do this for myself, but I can't stop thinking about what he might be feeling. Is he sad? Worse...
    deleted deleted
    1 Response Apr 29, 2015

    I've created a YouTube video of my experience

    here: "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIvYSI8Gvtg&ab_channel=AmiDavid"
    djluther djluther
    61-65, M
    Sep 7, 2015

    I have almost always sought to put other

    people's interests before my own, and I think that my religious upbringing which I took seriously led me down this road. Now I'm in a profession where it's expected to put other's interests before my own. I need to learn how to strike a balance because I'm in burnout at work and...
    bigmattkay bigmattkay
    36-40, M
    Sep 14, 2015

    December 24. Getting Through the Holidays.

    For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 24, 2014

    October 16. Being Honest with Ourselves.

    Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships. When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others. When we can...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Oct 16, 2014

    I am not an addict. I don't struggle with urges.

    I don't have triggers. I don't know what it's like to wake up the next morning and look my children in the eyes knowing what innocence I took for one last hit. But I have been there to pick up those children with a breaking heart. I don't know what it's like to feel the guilt...
    youguessedit youguessedit
    22-25, F
    1 Response Nov 30, 2015

    September 23. Tolerance.

    Practice tolerance. Tolerate our quirks, our feelings, our reactions, our peculiarities, and our humanness. Tolerate our ups and downs, our resistance to change, and our struggling and sometimes awkward nature. Tolerate our fears, our mistakes, our natural tendency to duck...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Sep 23, 2014

    Wanting To Get Better

    My Doctor first told me about codependency. I had no idea what it was, but she believed that that was what I was suffering from. I have read Melody Beattie's Books about Codependency - Codependent No More workbook and The New Codependency. There were many parts in the books that...
    WrenHomeNYC WrenHomeNYC
    41-45, F
    1 Response May 4, 2012

    I Wanted To Share This Poem

    I learned that I am codependent thought one of my classes at the University.  My professor, who is also codependent, shared this poem with us and I wanted to share it with all of you now! Comes the Dawn Veronica Shorffstall, 1971 After a while you learn the subtle...
    NovemberBlue NovemberBlue
    22-25, F
    5 Responses Jun 23, 2010

    How is it possible that it is easier

    for someone who has 2 children and a wife to pack his bags and leave a country cause of better job opportunity, than me, who has only 2 aging parents, 4 years older sister, and no children? Even I did my retraining, gathered all required documents, learned new language at home...
    cureav cureav
    31-35, M
    1 Response May 19, 2015

    I want the world to be happy.

    Is that so bad? I just want to be useful. I just want to defy the expectation of selfishness written on the stars, written in my relative's memories. Tell me, am I good enough? Have I sacrificed enough? I just want to be good to you. Good to everyone. For their own sake.
    Fuzzies Fuzzies
    61-65, M
    May 11, 2015

    September 18. Letting the Good Stuff Happen.

    "Before recovery, my relationships were lousy. I didn't do very well on my job. I was enmeshed in my dysfunctional family. But at least I knew what to expect!" —Anonymous I want the second half of my life to be as good as the first half was miserable. Sometimes, I'm afraid...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Sep 18, 2014

    October 20. Detaching with Love.

    Sometimes people we love do things we don't like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we're all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates. When do we detach? When we're hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Oct 20, 2014

    I will share my experiences

    as a codependent and how I'm healing from it. I hope I can inspire some of you. Today I feel lighter. I pampered myself and ate a few more cookies than I usually would. I'm planning to treat myself to a trip to California. :-) in gonna get a new tattoo and hairstyle. The...
    ladysapio ladysapio
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jul 23, 2015

    When you face the tears

    and ongoing agony of codependence, you value every insight that comes your way. You hang on to each word of wisdom as it speaks to you. Not just any words will do. You can identify which ones, by the intense need to return to them as steady reminders. What follows are a few...
    iNtuitiveFEeling iNtuitiveFEeling
    56-60, M
    1 Response Jan 19, 2014

    June 17. Surrender. Master the lessons of your

    present circumstances. We do not move forward by resisting what is undesirable in our life today. We move forward, we grow, we change by acceptance. Avoidance is not the key; surrender opens the door. Listen to this truth: We are each in our present circumstances for a reason...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Jun 17, 2014

    So I joined these extremely helpful groups on

    Facebook for people who've dealt with narcissistic abuse and codependency and I shared my story of abuse there. It really felt good to let it all out for people to see and share their experiences and/or insight and I realized that all along I'm not weak or a bad person. I'm...
    ladysapio ladysapio
    26-30, F
    1 Response Jul 23, 2015

    October 2. Coping with Families.

    There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    1 Response Oct 2, 2014

    September 20. Spontaneity.

    In recovery, we're learning to let ourselves go! We're learning to be spontaneous. Spontaneity may frighten some of us. We may be afraid of the loss of control involved with spontaneity. We may still be operating under the codependent rules that prohibit spontaneity: be good...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    2 Responses Sep 20, 2014

    Hit Me Like A Ton Of Bricks...

    I've been journeying down this road towards recovery from depression, and realized not too long ago that a huge piece of the puzzle is that I'm a codependent, and have been stuck in a 14+ years of one relationship after another to make me feel validated as a human being. I've...
    transienthope transienthope
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Sep 25, 2011

    December 30. Laying the Foundation.

    The groundwork has been laid. Do you not see that? Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose? There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release. You have been prepared. The same way a builder must...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 30, 2014

    Ignoring is another form of controlling.

    .. I heard this from a monk and found it to be very insightful and for me profound
    OhGK OhGK
    26-30, F
    2 Responses Oct 25, 2014

    I Am A Codependent Man.

    I have been codependent for seems forever. It started I guess in school. One day I was waiting on my brother to pick me up from school and he never showed up. I was only like 10 years old. Ever since then I have been paranoid about people leaving me , not caring about me , and...
    markowenby markowenby
    46-50, M
    3 Responses Feb 12, 2012

    December 28. Panic. Don't panic!

    If panic strikes, we do not have to allow it to control our behaviors. Behaviors controlled by panic tend to be self-defeating. No matter what the situation or circumstance, panic is usually not a good foundation. No matter what the situation or circumstance, we usually have at...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 28, 2014

    I Realised This Today

    I was on a website trying, as I have been for what seems like eons, to work out what is wrong with me.  My activity here today is the culmination of that work with this being my first story here. I found an immense list of characteristics of codependent people...
    TheFunHasGone TheFunHasGone
    36-40, F
    9 Responses Jun 30, 2009

    December 29. Moving On.

    "Learn the art of acceptance. It's a lot of grief." —Codependent No More Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship. This is true in love, in...
    zeeva70 zeeva70
    41-45, F
    Dec 29, 2014
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