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I Am a Cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,241 People

    Well I recovered...my situation was a bit

    different, I have Asperger's syndrome... I didn't take any medication at the time and I was depressed over everything.
    deleted deleted 26-30 Jan 19

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    I Call It Release

    Hi! I found this site a month ago, I'm shy and hide this from my family.Trying now to " write " about it,I started it when I was 10, in a recovery program and have not released for over one week.I call it baby steps,to my new life! People here are caring.thks each and all of...
    ZCatsMeow ZCatsMeow 70+ 1 Response Jun 22, 2010

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    June 2010, I picked up scissors

    and I slit my wrists. I was only 14. Its June 2015, i'm 19. I'm Ashamed of my self that I let this happen for 5 years but I don't know what to do. I have tried to quit time and time again. I have friends I know are there for me, even taking away my razors, but friends come and...
    bmwaerolove bmwaerolove 18-21, F Jun 11

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    A dark hand constantly grips my heart,

    tightening every second. Cutting releases that pressure for a while. As if I have hurt the monster. But then it comes back stronger every time. The heart demands release but the monster demands the heart and grows angrier each time it gets prodded. Continuously poisoned with...
    thale1 thale1 18-21, F Jun 12, 2014

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    I havent cut in months

    but tonight i feel a very strong urge to. Why cant i get over this? Why wont it stop?
    WorkInProgress2012 WorkInProgress2012 26-30, F Feb 25, 2014

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    It's been 338 days since I last cut myself.

    I started self harming in 2008 after my life fell apart. In 2006 I failed out of college, got really sick and ended up in the hospital, and that summer married a guy I barely knew. When the marriage fell apart at the end of 2007, I was completely numb. I just wanted to feel...
    in1medias1res in1medias1res 26-30, F Mar 16

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    I ended up cutting myself again,

    though due to all the scars I have, I can't really feel anything. I just feel I should give up and stop fighting as much as I do. it is going to happen wether or not I want it to, so I might as well accept it, then it might not hurt as much when my other personality cuts me
    tallestshadow tallestshadow 22-25, T 1 Response Jun 10

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    Its not an urge anymore I dont just want to do

    it. I am hurt its the only way.
    00Broken00 00Broken00 18-21, F May 18

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    Relapsed - I lost it.

    After years of struggles and counselling, I am still doing it. SO HOPELESS!!! I just do not care any more. If I hit my veins, I would let myself bleed out. I am so DONE!!!
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2014

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    I cut lastnight. They hurt

    and I honestly don't even know why I did it. I think sometimes I just want the pain... the numbness that follows. Being empty. I know that I have friends who love me... but I can't help feeling so alone. I know that if I stopped texting them... they wouldn't text me at all. I...
    AzyureAngel AzyureAngel 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    Two Years..

    in a day it will have been 2 years since i left her behind.. and just over 2 years since i took a box cutter to my wrists. blacked out and still shaking, i don't even remember doing it. she came home and i confronted her about the truth and she saw my angry marks and took it...
    BarNapkinPoet BarNapkinPoet 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 14, 2007

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    A Walk Through My Mind

    Today is March 27, 2013. I think that I need to clear my head. Release my thoughts. I don't really know what I want out of life. I don't know if I should even be on this Earth, to be honest. People says I'm such a horrible person. That I do everything wrong. Somedays I believe...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    I Am 30 and I Still Cut

    Are there others out there who are my age or older who cut? It is always portrayed as an teenage problem. I cut as a teen, but I cut much worse now. Am I somewhat psychologically immature or stunted? I can't imagine other people finding out because I am so afraid that they...
    KeepMySecrets KeepMySecrets 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 1, 2008

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    I relapsed today, It had been

    since May. I'm not upset about it though. In fact, I forgot how good it felt. How in control it made me. How that little silver blade brings beautiful scarlett color out of my body, how it flows in droplets, how calming it is. My kit is alway there for me and it has been since I...
    BrittBee22 BrittBee22 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 11, 2014

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    April 14, 2014. It's been a rough couple of

    months. A lot of things have happened. A lot of bad. My past is full of dark memories that I don't want to remember. I wish that I could. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me.. But I've stayed. I chose to stay, but all I think is I should've walked. I am unhappy. I told him...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 14, 2014

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    I Started Cutting Again

    Gosh as I write this all I can think is I hope my husband doesn't find out at least not this soon, not when the cuts are so fresh. We just moved to a new state. Maybe the stress of moving brought it on. Maybe not feeling like a good mom to my two small children or maybe not...
    tairadactyl tairadactyl 26-30, F Mar 31, 2013

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    I don't even know where to start.

    . Just want to talk to someone like me.
    twintank twintank 31-35, M 2 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    Help For the Cutter.

    First I want to give you some information about cutting and cutters, but remember we are all individuals and each individual is different. Statistics show that even though anyone can be a cutter, most cutters are female, in her mid-20s to early 30s, who has been hurting herself...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 89 Responses Dec 26, 2007

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    Cutting...again

    i have been cutting since i was 12. no one ever knew until a few months  ago.  my best friend suspected, but i had never actually told her. now so many years later i am still in the same boat. i want to hurt, i want to see the blood, and feel it drip into a puddle on...
    metalgirl99 metalgirl99 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 20, 2008

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    I am 41 years old...I have been cutting

    since I was 14....I have many scars that I know people notice...I just want to stop..
    deleted deleted 26-30 2 Responses Jul 1

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    I've Cut For Over 20 Years, Though Friends/family Thought I Quit In My Teens

    I've been cutting off/on since I was around 15 or 16.  I am now 35 years old and still crave the instant release that this provides.  I try not to create permanent scars- they are all over my arms, and despite having the traditional body shape considered attractive in...
    CagedKitty CagedKitty 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 22, 2008

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    Maybe'S

    Today is January 29, 2013. I know I haven't been writing lately, I have no excuse nor reason why. I just have been trying to get better on my own. I feel guilty about something that happened in my past, and now I have lost more than a few friends. But the truth, I don't care. I...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 29, 2013

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    The Urge Never Stops

    I don't remember the exact first time that I cut, but I know that I was 11 and I know I haven't been able to shake the habit since. I am out of school now, but I can still remember walking through the halls and getting overwhelming urges, anxiety attacks. I would slip into the...
    katie5929 katie5929 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 25, 2012

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    Just Some Feelings

    The Scars I see you look, but you dont really see Even when Im standing in front of you Are you that blind or just dont care Do you see the scars my arms bare I cut to survive I cut because I do not want to die I cant express in words what I feel I will not die I...
    jeng7623 jeng7623 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2012

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    I haven't cut in a really long time

    and it's been a struggle lately to not regress. Right at this moment I feel like I need a cut to keep myself going another day.
    ifonlydreamscametrue ifonlydreamscametrue 18-21, F 4 Responses Aug 6, 2014

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    Why Again

    I cut myself today after not doing it a few years i fight not to everyday but its beating me down.
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    They Don't Understand

    I hate when people say that cutting is a way to get attention. If I wanted to draw attention why would I wear long sleave shirt, pants, and turtle necks in the middle of summer?? I am 26 and have been cutting since I was 10. For a while taking the disolving lorazepam worked if I...
    luckypickle luckypickle 26-30 11 Responses Jun 2, 2009

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    Scars.

    I've got scars all over my body, and each one tells a story.  They are physical reminders of events in my life, lest I forget the wisdom I (should have) picked up along my journey.  Some are much more evident than others; the prominent ones are lessons to be remembered...
    DopeyGirl DopeyGirl 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2007

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    I started cutting in the 6th grade.

    why? Honestly I did it because it made me feel better, and I felt better when I saw my blood. I cut my arms, and legs. Everyday I plastered a fake *** smile on my face and acted like I was happy. Then I fell in love with someone who ******* meant everything to me, and because of...
    Babebat222 Babebat222 18-21, F Feb 15, 2014

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    Cutting

    I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I sound stupid or this isn't how I'm supposed to post. I started cutting when I was 13.  I've since been told by multiple psychiatrists that I'm the worst cutter they've ever seen.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  my heart has...
    ALostGirl ALostGirl 18-21, F 22 Responses Aug 20, 2007

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    Today is my birthday

    and I will have gone 9 days at the end of today without cutting. Not cutting is a gift to myself. I will overcome this addiction one day at a time.
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 7, 2014

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    Walk A Mile In My Shoes

    Today is February 19, 2013. All i have to say is that it is easier to judge others for their mistakes when you haven't been in their situation. I don't need people telling me that I am good for something, or that I need a good spanking. I was hit as a child. I don't need a hand...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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    I like to cut my left upper arm.

    I emphasize that because constantly I have to battle not to extend the territory lower, to the crease of my elbow, down further, over my wrist. It sings to me. Pressure in my wrist with every heart beat begging to be sliced through. It is a melody I know so well you think I'd...
    ofthelilies ofthelilies 18-21, F Feb 8

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    Carving Unwanted Meat

    I gained some unwanted weight due to some unwanted medication. Disgusted and pissed off at my self I decided to write myself a reminder of this disappointment. I carved in my thigh the very word that lined it FAT in large letters. I bled a good amount so I showered afterward...
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 1 Response Sep 28, 2013

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    My Daughter

    My daughter used to cut herself.  It would take too long to share her story and it's not mine to share.  She used drugs for a few years and went to rehab.  Afterwards she got a bumper sticker that said 'Rehab is for Quitters'.  Funny but not.  She is...
    TiredSadandDepressed TiredSadandDepressed 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 22, 2007

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    I learned for experience

    that cutting is not for coping; it's not for regulating my emotions; it's not for relief. It's numbing, and it's draining. Cutting makes me weak. It makes it harder to connect to people. It's not the answer to feeling disassociated; it makes that worse. If I'm in the habit of...
    zigtwig zigtwig 26-30 2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    Why?

    Everything with my life is going great right now. Why do i still want to cut?
    WorkInProgress2012 WorkInProgress2012 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 26, 2013

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    I'll Never Win..but I'll Never Lose.

    I don't know if you ever really get over the urge..I sure as hell haven't. I still think of it daily..I still finger the blade and think. I think want to feel that burning sensation...the weakness when it's too deep..the thrill when it won't stop oozing. Then the worry that...
    luckypickle luckypickle 26-30 25 Responses Oct 17, 2009

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    I started when I was 15.

    I just remember looking at a paint scraper and thinking, "I want that." Now I have moved onto sharper more clean razors but I also know that cutting will never help me. I'm trying to stop. I have lost two relationships because of my cutting. Cutting has been a curse in my life...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F Feb 15, 2014

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    I cut. I bleed. For most of the days.

    I get hurt easily, and I am not perfect. The slightest of things make me angry, and I end up hurting the people around me with my cruel words. But I assure you, I have my reasons for my anger. Most of it comes from my past, my father's rules, my boyfriends, and the number of...
    Cue0811 Cue0811 18-21 1 Response Jul 26, 2014

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    I cut for the first time in a year tonight.

    Boyfriend broke up with me and I tried to fight for him and found out its really all my fault it happened. My fault. Famous last words for the razor getting pulled out. Seeing the blood trickle out in red rivers down my arm soothes me in ways I don't understand. I didn't...
    Mnhaunted Mnhaunted 26-30, F Nov 21, 2014

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    Reasons?

    I don’t know why I’m writing this. And there wasn’t a whole lot of thought process behind this decision, but whether there was or wasn’t, this will still be frowned upon. Who really wants to hear about the reasons for cutting of self-harmers or cutters or whatever...
    ln75423 ln75423 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 26, 2011

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    Help

    I'm a senior in high school. A few years ago, I started cutting. I just didn't make friends and I was in middle school. My parents were on me about my weight and I wasn't even heavy or fat, they just wanted me to get faster for sports. I lost all my friends, made a couple of...
    crystalrave crystalrave 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2013

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    I Found My Saving Grace

    I have been on a deadly path of cuttins since i was 15 an i am 41 no. my therapist told me last me week i was bordering life or death but that wasnt enough to stop me. my gf and i got into an argument and she said you push my buttons. she hadnt a clue how that affected me. my mom...
    lovechell69 lovechell69 41-45, F 8 Responses May 6, 2011

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    Its been 60+ days since I last self-harmed

    and I'm feeling pretty good about it! :)
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 27, 2014

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    Why??

    Always having to deal with everything myself Always being told not to cry Always being called weak Never being taught how to deal with stress Never being abel to lean on or depend on others Never reall understanding my emotions I cut because i feel physical pain inside my heart...
    MaskedAngel16 MaskedAngel16 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 21, 2012

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