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I Am a Cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,240 People

    Its been 60+ days since I last self-harmed

    and I'm feeling pretty good about it! :)
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 2 Responses Oct 27, 2014

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    I Started Cutting Again

    Gosh as I write this all I can think is I hope my husband doesn't find out at least not this soon, not when the cuts are so fresh. We just moved to a new state. Maybe the stress of moving brought it on. Maybe not feeling like a good mom to my two small children or maybe not...
    tairadactyl tairadactyl 26-30, F Mar 31, 2013

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    What My World Is Like

    Im trapped in what seems like a beautiful garden but all are blind to the fact that the lovely flowers surrounding me are more poisonous than the deadliest snake venom. They wind and curl around me tightening until I can hardly breath. No one hears the pain in my voice or see the...
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 4 Responses Oct 11, 2013

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    I've Cut For Over 20 Years, Though Friends/family Thought I Quit In My Teens

    I've been cutting off/on since I was around 15 or 16.  I am now 35 years old and still crave the instant release that this provides.  I try not to create permanent scars- they are all over my arms, and despite having the traditional body shape considered attractive in...
    CagedKitty CagedKitty 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 22, 2008

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    I Cut Myself Too

    Well.....I started peeling off old cuts...it hurt but i liked it, i don't know why, it was kinda like my thing, my own personal secret.  I got quite a few scars.  When i was 18 i started cutting myself, i stopped because i hatted the scars.  Scars have faded, or...
    scaredlonelyalways scaredlonelyalways 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 18, 2007

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    I Am 30 and I Still Cut

    Are there others out there who are my age or older who cut? It is always portrayed as an teenage problem. I cut as a teen, but I cut much worse now. Am I somewhat psychologically immature or stunted? I can't imagine other people finding out because I am so afraid that they...
    KeepMySecrets KeepMySecrets 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 1, 2008

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    I learned for experience

    that cutting is not for coping; it's not for regulating my emotions; it's not for relief. It's numbing, and it's draining. Cutting makes me weak. It makes it harder to connect to people. It's not the answer to feeling disassociated; it makes that worse. If I'm in the habit of...
    zigtwig zigtwig 22-25 2 Responses Feb 26, 2014

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    I relapsed today, It had been

    since May. I'm not upset about it though. In fact, I forgot how good it felt. How in control it made me. How that little silver blade brings beautiful scarlett color out of my body, how it flows in droplets, how calming it is. My kit is alway there for me and it has been since I...
    BrittBee22 BrittBee22 22-25, F 3 Responses Jul 11, 2014

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    A Walk Through My Mind

    Today is March 27, 2013. I think that I need to clear my head. Release my thoughts. I don't really know what I want out of life. I don't know if I should even be on this Earth, to be honest. People says I'm such a horrible person. That I do everything wrong. Somedays I believe...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 4 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Walk A Mile In My Shoes

    Today is February 19, 2013. All i have to say is that it is easier to judge others for their mistakes when you haven't been in their situation. I don't need people telling me that I am good for something, or that I need a good spanking. I was hit as a child. I don't need a hand...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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    Causing Pain to Stop the Pain.

    So I cut again yesterday. I was doing so good...it had been about six weeks since my last cutting episode-but last night in the bathtub I just felt the overwhelming pain well up and I had to do something to stop it. Sometimes when I get the flashbacks-there really is no other...
    GraceBecomesHer GraceBecomesHer 18-21, F 2 Responses Aug 16, 2007

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    My Daughter

    My daughter used to cut herself.  It would take too long to share her story and it's not mine to share.  She used drugs for a few years and went to rehab.  Afterwards she got a bumper sticker that said 'Rehab is for Quitters'.  Funny but not.  She is...
    TiredSadandDepressed TiredSadandDepressed 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 22, 2007

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    Well I recovered...my situation was a bit

    different, I have Asperger's syndrome... I didn't take any medication at the time and I was depressed over everything.
    CreativeSpark CreativeSpark 18-21, F Jan 19

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    I cut. I bleed. For most of the days.

    I get hurt easily, and I am not perfect. The slightest of things make me angry, and I end up hurting the people around me with my cruel words. But I assure you, I have my reasons for my anger. Most of it comes from my past, my father's rules, my boyfriends, and the number of...
    Cue0811 Cue0811 18-21 1 Response Jul 26, 2014

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    Relapsed - I lost it.

    After years of struggles and counselling, I am still doing it. SO HOPELESS!!! I just do not care any more. If I hit my veins, I would let myself bleed out. I am so DONE!!!
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow 18-21, F 1 Response Aug 17, 2014

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    Cutting in the living room again.

    Not much for right now, but deeper than they've been for awhile. And more to come later, I'm sure. No stopping it right now. Something about the initial swell of blood. Something about the bite. The sensation of breaking through old scar.
    SunnysBlueForever SunnysBlueForever 18-21, F 1 Response Jul 20, 2014

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    To Cut Or Not To Cut

    I CUT FOR YEARS...you can clearly read WHO DARE WIN On my forearm. (not one tat) just razors... when I was reading a book by Anthony robins I learned something profound.... that if you want to stop a bad habit . You must first find out the GOOD part (usually a tiny part...
    TEMPOLTON TEMPOLTON 41-45, M 3 Responses Apr 1, 2012

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    I am a cutter. Weather I go one day without

    cutting, or 1000 days without cutting, its always going to be a part of who I am. Kind of like an alcoholic, once a cutter, always a cutter. Some days are good, some are not so good, and some days I don't even think about cutting, but there are other days, like tonight, when its...
    NYSlilAngel NYSlilAngel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 14, 2014

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    So Does This Happen to Anyone Other Then Me?

    So I really don't know how to put this but, dose anyone ever in the middle of the night why you are sleeping wake up out of no where b/c you feel like you need to cut? I do and I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this way at all and knows anything I can do to help stop it...
    killme318 killme318 18-21, F 5 Responses Oct 4, 2007

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    Cutting

    I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I sound stupid or this isn't how I'm supposed to post. I started cutting when I was 13.  I've since been told by multiple psychiatrists that I'm the worst cutter they've ever seen.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  my heart has...
    ALostGirl ALostGirl 18-21, F 22 Responses Aug 20, 2007

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    It's been 338 days since I last cut myself.

    I started self harming in 2008 after my life fell apart. In 2006 I failed out of college, got really sick and ended up in the hospital, and that summer married a guy I barely knew. When the marriage fell apart at the end of 2007, I was completely numb. I just wanted to feel...
    in1medias1res in1medias1res 26-30, F Mar 16

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    I don't intend to kill myself.

    ..at least I don't think I do..I have a temper and I can snap easily...For some reason when the cold blade slices my skin a sense of relief spreads through me and calms me down...The pain kick in but I hardly care. The scars from the past cuts still leave imprints on my skin. No...
    oniwolf3 oniwolf3 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 9, 2014

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    I'll Never Win..but I'll Never Lose.

    I don't know if you ever really get over the urge..I sure as hell haven't. I still think of it daily..I still finger the blade and think. I think want to feel that burning sensation...the weakness when it's too deep..the thrill when it won't stop oozing. Then the worry that...
    luckypickle luckypickle 26-30 25 Responses Oct 17, 2009

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    I don't even know where to start.

    . Just want to talk to someone like me.
    twintank twintank 31-35, M 2 Responses Sep 7, 2014

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    After 26 days of fighting the urge I gave in

    today and cut my stomach 17 times. It felt really good and then afterwards I felt like ****. I knew I had failed myself yet again and I was ashamed. I am ashamed of what I did and that shame drives me to want to do it again. I am a cutter and I am caught up in a vicious cycle...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 2 Responses Mar 26, 2014

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    Scars.

    I've got scars all over my body, and each one tells a story.  They are physical reminders of events in my life, lest I forget the wisdom I (should have) picked up along my journey.  Some are much more evident than others; the prominent ones are lessons to be remembered...
    DopeyGirl DopeyGirl 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2007

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    I Found My Saving Grace

    I have been on a deadly path of cuttins since i was 15 an i am 41 no. my therapist told me last me week i was bordering life or death but that wasnt enough to stop me. my gf and i got into an argument and she said you push my buttons. she hadnt a clue how that affected me. my mom...
    lovechell69 lovechell69 41-45, F 8 Responses May 6, 2011

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    3 1/2 years down the drain.

    I tried so hard, Some days I would forget what I used to be. I was just so overwhelmed and went to sit in the bathroom and smoke a cig. By the way, that was my cutting spot. Just being there feeling the way that I did, the urge came trampling at me without ease. I contemplated...
    jcarr0059 jcarr0059 18-21, F 3 Responses Sep 10, 2014

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    April 14, 2014. It's been a rough couple of

    months. A lot of things have happened. A lot of bad. My past is full of dark memories that I don't want to remember. I wish that I could. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me.. But I've stayed. I chose to stay, but all I think is I should've walked. I am unhappy. I told him...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 14, 2014

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    I havent cut in months

    but tonight i feel a very strong urge to. Why cant i get over this? Why wont it stop?
    WorkInProgress2012 WorkInProgress2012 26-30, F Feb 25, 2014

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    I want that blade so bad

    but it's in plain sight of my roommate. She can't see me take it. She wants icecream so I try to get her to go get us some but have to settle with getting it together. I let her leave the room first and stealthily grab the blade on my way out the door stuffing it quickly in my...
    babyblue0513 babyblue0513 26-30, F Dec 10, 2013

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    I am looking for a cutter.

    Who wants to cut with me
    standalone2013 standalone2013 31-35, M 1 Response Aug 24, 2014

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    Why Again

    I cut myself today after not doing it a few years i fight not to everyday but its beating me down.
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 4 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    Reasons?

    I don’t know why I’m writing this. And there wasn’t a whole lot of thought process behind this decision, but whether there was or wasn’t, this will still be frowned upon. Who really wants to hear about the reasons for cutting of self-harmers or cutters or whatever...
    ln75423 ln75423 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 26, 2011

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    Why??

    Always having to deal with everything myself Always being told not to cry Always being called weak Never being taught how to deal with stress Never being abel to lean on or depend on others Never reall understanding my emotions I cut because i feel physical pain inside my heart...
    MaskedAngel16 MaskedAngel16 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 21, 2012

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    I started cutting in the 6th grade.

    why? Honestly I did it because it made me feel better, and I felt better when I saw my blood. I cut my arms, and legs. Everyday I plastered a fake *** smile on my face and acted like I was happy. Then I fell in love with someone who ******* meant everything to me, and because of...
    Babebat222 Babebat222 18-21, F Feb 15, 2014

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    I like to cut my left upper arm.

    I emphasize that because constantly I have to battle not to extend the territory lower, to the crease of my elbow, down further, over my wrist. It sings to me. Pressure in my wrist with every heart beat begging to be sliced through. It is a melody I know so well you think I'd...
    ofthelilies ofthelilies 18-21, F Feb 8

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    I started when I was 15.

    I just remember looking at a paint scraper and thinking, "I want that." Now I have moved onto sharper more clean razors but I also know that cutting will never help me. I'm trying to stop. I have lost two relationships because of my cutting. Cutting has been a curse in my life...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F Feb 15, 2014

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    Why?

    Everything with my life is going great right now. Why do i still want to cut?
    WorkInProgress2012 WorkInProgress2012 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 26, 2013

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    I am a Sophomore in college.

    Last spring, I met the love of my life. Everything was magical at first. We knew we were made for each other. He proposed to me after 7 months, and then broke up with me 3 months after, on the week of finals, the night beforeI had to leave for another country for winter break...
    20penny 20penny 18-21, F Jan 22, 2014

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    A dark hand constantly grips my heart,

    tightening every second. Cutting releases that pressure for a while. As if I have hurt the monster. But then it comes back stronger every time. The heart demands release but the monster demands the heart and grows angrier each time it gets prodded. Continuously poisoned with...
    thale1 thale1 18-21, F Jun 12, 2014

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    Cutting...again

    i have been cutting since i was 12. no one ever knew until a few months  ago.  my best friend suspected, but i had never actually told her. now so many years later i am still in the same boat. i want to hurt, i want to see the blood, and feel it drip into a puddle on...
    metalgirl99 metalgirl99 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 20, 2008

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    I cut lastnight. They hurt

    and I honestly don't even know why I did it. I think sometimes I just want the pain... the numbness that follows. Being empty. I know that I have friends who love me... but I can't help feeling so alone. I know that if I stopped texting them... they wouldn't text me at all. I...
    AzyureAngel AzyureAngel 18-21, F 4 Responses Sep 17, 2014

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    24 years old and I still feel like

    that little girl stuck with the knife in her hand! After all these years and after all this time fighting these urges they're still as strong as they ever were. Dios dame fuerte.... I hate that I love it. It's the only thing that gets me by sometimes.
    LittleBird131 LittleBird131 22-25, F 1 Response Mar 30, 2014

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    When you put your ear to my chest can you hear

    the pieces of my heart cracking and falling to the floor shattering further? When you look into my eyes do you see it? When you touch me can you feel how fragile I really am? When can I patch up my shattered soul? Sometimes the pain is so bad my body shuts down I could cry for...
    KayLala94 KayLala94 18-21, F Jan 17, 2014

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