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I Am a Cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,314 People

    I Think This Is The Last Time.

    I tried to get a hold of my ex-fiance last night so that I may receive closure with her. Her new boyfriend that she's been with for over 2 months picked up the phone. He wasn't hostile towards me, just simple said that she should've told me that she has moved on and wants nothing...
    BlueMoonlight24 BlueMoonlight24 22-25 1 Response Oct 11, 2013

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    What My World Is Like

    Im trapped in what seems like a beautiful garden but all are blind to the fact that the lovely flowers surrounding me are more poisonous than the deadliest snake venom. They wind and curl around me tightening until I can hardly breath. No one hears the pain in my voice or see the...
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 3 Responses Oct 11, 2013

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    I started when I was 15.

    I just remember looking at a paint scraper and thinking, "I want that." Now I have moved onto sharper more clean razors but I also know that cutting will never help me. I'm trying to stop. I have lost two relationships because of my cutting. Cutting has been a curse in my life...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F Feb 15

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    I Don't Want to Stop

      Oh god, the urge to cut is unbearable. My fingers are tingling with numbness and I can feel the skin on my body itching, yearning, longing to be slit open. I dream of those beautiful, delicate lines of red that weave over each part of my body, ribbons of redemption dotted...
    deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Nov 27, 2008

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    Scars.

    I've got scars all over my body, and each one tells a story.  They are physical reminders of events in my life, lest I forget the wisdom I (should have) picked up along my journey.  Some are much more evident than others; the prominent ones are lessons to be remembered...
    DopeyGirl DopeyGirl 31-35, F 4 Responses Dec 30, 2007

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    Reasons?

    I don’t know why I’m writing this. And there wasn’t a whole lot of thought process behind this decision, but whether there was or wasn’t, this will still be frowned upon. Who really wants to hear about the reasons for cutting of self-harmers or cutters or whatever...
    ln75423 ln75423 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 26, 2011

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    Why??

    Always having to deal with everything myself Always being told not to cry Always being called weak Never being taught how to deal with stress Never being abel to lean on or depend on others Never reall understanding my emotions I cut because i feel physical pain inside my heart...
    MaskedAngel16 MaskedAngel16 22-25, F 1 Response Oct 21, 2012

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    I am a cutter. Weather I go one day without

    cutting, or 1000 days without cutting, its always going to be a part of who I am. Kind of like an alcoholic, once a cutter, always a cutter. Some days are good, some are not so good, and some days I don't even think about cutting, but there are other days, like tonight, when its...
    NYSlilAngel NYSlilAngel 26-30, F 1 Response Mar 14

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    Today is my birthday

    and I will have gone 9 days at the end of today without cutting. Not cutting is a gift to myself. I will overcome this addiction one day at a time.
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 7

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    Why Again

    I cut myself today after not doing it a few years i fight not to everyday but its beating me down.
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 5 Responses Aug 2, 2013

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    I Found My Saving Grace

    I have been on a deadly path of cuttins since i was 15 an i am 41 no. my therapist told me last me week i was bordering life or death but that wasnt enough to stop me. my gf and i got into an argument and she said you push my buttons. she hadnt a clue how that affected me. my mom...
    lovechell69 lovechell69 41-45, F 7 Responses May 6, 2011

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    I want that blade so bad

    but it's in plain sight of my roommate. She can't see me take it. She wants icecream so I try to get her to go get us some but have to settle with getting it together. I let her leave the room first and stealthily grab the blade on my way out the door stuffing it quickly in my...
    babyblue0513 babyblue0513 26-30, F Dec 10, 2013

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    Walk A Mile In My Shoes

    Today is February 19, 2013. All i have to say is that it is easier to judge others for their mistakes when you haven't been in their situation. I don't need people telling me that I am good for something, or that I need a good spanking. I was hit as a child. I don't need a hand...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 5 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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    They Don't Understand

    I hate when people say that cutting is a way to get attention. If I wanted to draw attention why would I wear long sleave shirt, pants, and turtle necks in the middle of summer?? I am 26 and have been cutting since I was 10. For a while taking the disolving lorazepam worked if I...
    luckypickle luckypickle 26-30 11 Responses Jun 2, 2009

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    Why Is It So Easy

    Why is it so easy to take the razor and slice my wrists, thighs, anywhere blank skin is hiding. I cant stop people have tried to stop me,I found ways. Taking apart unused shavers, stealing box cutters. Today i slipped again ... i was clean for A while
    leatherandtwine leatherandtwine 18-21, F Nov 24, 2013

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    Maybe'S

    Today is January 29, 2013. I know I haven't been writing lately, I have no excuse nor reason why. I just have been trying to get better on my own. I feel guilty about something that happened in my past, and now I have lost more than a few friends. But the truth, I don't care. I...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 3 Responses Jan 29, 2013

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    I Started Cutting Again

    Gosh as I write this all I can think is I hope my husband doesn't find out at least not this soon, not when the cuts are so fresh. We just moved to a new state. Maybe the stress of moving brought it on. Maybe not feeling like a good mom to my two small children or maybe not...
    tairadactyl tairadactyl 26-30, F Mar 31, 2013

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    When you put your ear to my chest can you hear

    the pieces of my heart cracking and falling to the floor shattering further? When you look into my eyes do you see it? When you touch me can you feel how fragile I really am? When can I patch up my shattered soul? Sometimes the pain is so bad my body shuts down I could cry for...
    KayLala94 KayLala94 18-21, F Jan 17

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    So Does This Happen to Anyone Other Then Me?

    So I really don't know how to put this but, dose anyone ever in the middle of the night why you are sleeping wake up out of no where b/c you feel like you need to cut? I do and I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this way at all and knows anything I can do to help stop it...
    killme318 killme318 21-25, F 5 Responses Oct 4, 2007

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    Again!

    I swear this addiction is worse than ******* heroin and trust me I know about heroin addiction. I haven't cut in months. Freaking months. I also haven't drank heavily in months. I tend to cut stupid and deep when I'm drunk. Well throw all that garbage out the window. I just got...
    Sneckz Sneckz 26-30, T 1 Response Oct 1, 2013

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    I Call It Release

    Hi! I found this site a month ago, I'm shy and hide this from my family.Trying now to " write " about it,I started it when I was 10, in a recovery program and have not released for over one week.I call it baby steps,to my new life! People here are caring.thks each and all of...
    ZCatsMeow ZCatsMeow 70+ 1 Response Jun 22, 2010

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    I've Cut For Over 20 Years, Though Friends/family Thought I Quit In My Teens

    I've been cutting off/on since I was around 15 or 16.  I am now 35 years old and still crave the instant release that this provides.  I try not to create permanent scars- they are all over my arms, and despite having the traditional body shape considered attractive in...
    CagedKitty CagedKitty 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 22, 2008

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    What No One Knows

    Not sure where to start so im kinda just goin to jump in. I'm twenty two and have been cutting for ten years, at one point everyone knew I was cutting but I convinced them I stoped. Have tried to stop before but I always seem to go back to it when times get hard. Latly I have...
    scarletrose3724 scarletrose3724 22-25, F Oct 8, 2013

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    Some Ideas For Helping the Cutter

    The cutter experiences cutting as a form of self-preservation, ironically. A way of coping with intense feelings. What she needs is to learn new methods of coping that can replace the crutches she's leaning on now; the razor, the matchbook, the brick wall. Once she has these new...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 7 Responses Feb 1, 2008

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    I Am A Cutter

    Since my freshman year of high school I had been so lost. Then things just started to happen and i felt like i could talk to anyone. One day before jumping in the shower i noticed my mom left her scissors out. So i struck myself, and then i remember feeling better. Then every...
    bmwaerolove bmwaerolove 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 30, 2013

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    Cutting

    I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I sound stupid or this isn't how I'm supposed to post. I started cutting when I was 13.  I've since been told by multiple psychiatrists that I'm the worst cutter they've ever seen.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  my heart has...
    ALostGirl ALostGirl 21-25, F 22 Responses Aug 20, 2007

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    'Can I please cut your wrist?

    ' the voice in my head asks me. With a lot of effort, I say no. This mental conversation has been going on for the past few weeks, ever since the one person I trusted the most kind of pulled himself out of my life. Can't blame him. I know I'm a ****** up individual. I expected...
    Jeanellaisha Jeanellaisha 22-25, F Jan 21

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    April 14, 2014. It's been a rough couple of

    months. A lot of things have happened. A lot of bad. My past is full of dark memories that I don't want to remember. I wish that I could. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me.. But I've stayed. I chose to stay, but all I think is I should've walked. I am unhappy. I told him...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 1 Response Apr 14

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    My Daughter

    My daughter used to cut herself.  It would take too long to share her story and it's not mine to share.  She used drugs for a few years and went to rehab.  Afterwards she got a bumper sticker that said 'Rehab is for Quitters'.  Funny but not.  She is...
    TiredSadandDepressed TiredSadandDepressed 41-45, F 9 Responses Aug 22, 2007

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    I Cut Myself Too

    Well.....I started peeling off old cuts...it hurt but i liked it, i don't know why, it was kinda like my thing, my own personal secret.  I got quite a few scars.  When i was 18 i started cutting myself, i stopped because i hatted the scars.  Scars have faded, or...
    scaredlonelyalways scaredlonelyalways 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 18, 2007

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    I am a Sophomore in college.

    Last spring, I met the love of my life. Everything was magical at first. We knew we were made for each other. He proposed to me after 7 months, and then broke up with me 3 months after, on the week of finals, the night beforeI had to leave for another country for winter break...
    20penny 20penny 18-21, F Jan 22

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    Why?

    Everything with my life is going great right now. Why do i still want to cut?
    icantstop29 icantstop29 26-30, F 3 Responses Apr 26, 2013

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    I'm A Cutter

    I recently turned 19 years old this October. November 29 will be the 7th anniversary of when I started self harming. I was far too young to realize the consequences of my actions.. Had I known that I'd go on to struggle with this for years, I might have thought twice before I...
    InternallyIsolated InternallyIsolated 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 13, 2013

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    Two Years..

    in a day it will have been 2 years since i left her behind.. and just over 2 years since i took a box cutter to my wrists. blacked out and still shaking, i don't even remember doing it. she came home and i confronted her about the truth and she saw my angry marks and took it...
    BarNapkinPoet BarNapkinPoet 22-25, F 2 Responses Oct 14, 2007

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    I Am 30 and I Still Cut

    Are there others out there who are my age or older who cut? It is always portrayed as an teenage problem. I cut as a teen, but I cut much worse now. Am I somewhat psychologically immature or stunted? I can't imagine other people finding out because I am so afraid that they...
    KeepMySecrets KeepMySecrets 26-30, F 3 Responses Jul 1, 2008

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    I Almost Attempeted Suicide

    For a few years now I have suffered from a rare heart disease, which means I must take selo-zok. It is a common medicine, mostly for old people who have too high blood pressure. The other day I took one of my medicine bottles and crushed like .. 30 of them, and blended them with...
    shoutoutloud shoutoutloud 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 6, 2013

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    I started cutting in the 6th grade.

    why? Honestly I did it because it made me feel better, and I felt better when I saw my blood. I cut my arms, and legs. Everyday I plastered a fake *** smile on my face and acted like I was happy. Then I fell in love with someone who ******* meant everything to me, and because of...
    Babebat222 Babebat222 18-21, F Feb 15

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    Carving Unwanted Meat

    I gained some unwanted weight due to some unwanted medication. Disgusted and pissed off at my self I decided to write myself a reminder of this disappointment. I carved in my thigh the very word that lined it FAT in large letters. I bled a good amount so I showered afterward...
    Acid1 Acid1 70+, F 2 Responses Sep 28, 2013

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    I cut my self. I love the way the blade feels

    when it slices my skin. I can't wear a bathing suit anymore so I don't cut my legs anymore. I cut where no one can see it. I used to want to quit but now I can't quit. If I quit I will end up dead.
    Dancegurl19 Dancegurl19 16-17, F Jan 11

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    Cutting...again

    i have been cutting since i was 12. no one ever knew until a few months  ago.  my best friend suspected, but i had never actually told her. now so many years later i am still in the same boat. i want to hurt, i want to see the blood, and feel it drip into a puddle on...
    metalgirl99 metalgirl99 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 20, 2008

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    Confused

    I think I am a cutter, but I'm not sure. I've cut myself a few times - mostly on my thigh since it is easier to hide. But I'm not sure if I am a cutter, because I can stop if I have to. For instance, I am going on a vacation in a week, and I haven't been cutting for a month...
    shoutoutloud shoutoutloud 18-21, F 1 Response Sep 29, 2013

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    Cutting!!!

    I am a cutter!!! There is nothing wrong with me. I do the best I can every day and I think thats all anyone can ask of me. Cutting for me is so many things. It's a release of pressure, feeling alive, remembering i'm human, and so many other things I can't pin point just one...
    ZKittin ZKittin 26-30, F Oct 5, 2013

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    Causing Pain to Stop the Pain.

    So I cut again yesterday. I was doing so good...it had been about six weeks since my last cutting episode-but last night in the bathtub I just felt the overwhelming pain well up and I had to do something to stop it. Sometimes when I get the flashbacks-there really is no other...
    GraceBecomesHer GraceBecomesHer 21-25, F 2 Responses Aug 16, 2007

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    Just Some Feelings

    The Scars I see you look, but you dont really see Even when Im standing in front of you Are you that blind or just dont care Do you see the scars my arms bare I cut to survive I cut because I do not want to die I cant express in words what I feel I will not die I...
    jeng7623 jeng7623 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 29, 2012

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    I don't intend to kill myself.

    ..at least I don't think I do..I have a temper and I can snap easily...For some reason when the cold blade slices my skin a sense of relief spreads through me and calms me down...The pain kick in but I hardly care. The scars from the past cuts still leave imprints on my skin. No...
    oniwolf3 oniwolf3 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 9

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    2 Years Clean

    I went through a really horrible past... I was sexually assaulted by 5 different guys. one of them was my ex fiance (while we were still engaged)... and the last one was by my adopted father. They're not pressing charges but I'll get to that. I was abused, starting at 7, by my...
    kbabybug kbabybug 18-21, F 1 Response Oct 13, 2013

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    I havent cut in months

    but tonight i feel a very strong urge to. Why cant i get over this? Why wont it stop?
    icantstop29 icantstop29 26-30, F Feb 25

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    I learned for experience

    that cutting is not for coping; it's not for regulating my emotions; it's not for relief. It's numbing, and it's draining. Cutting makes me weak. It makes it harder to connect to people. It's not the answer to feeling disassociated; it makes that worse. If I'm in the habit of...
    zigtwig zigtwig 22-25 1 Response Feb 26

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    A Walk Through My Mind

    Today is March 27, 2013. I think that I need to clear my head. Release my thoughts. I don't really know what I want out of life. I don't know if I should even be on this Earth, to be honest. People says I'm such a horrible person. That I do everything wrong. Somedays I believe...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21 18-21, F 5 Responses Mar 27, 2013

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    Help

    I'm a senior in high school. A few years ago, I started cutting. I just didn't make friends and I was in middle school. My parents were on me about my weight and I wasn't even heavy or fat, they just wanted me to get faster for sports. I lost all my friends, made a couple of...
    crystalrave crystalrave 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 17, 2013

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    i am 51 years old. i have self-harmed myself my

    entire life in different ways. why? i know exactly why. the internal conflict i feel is overwhelming and i am at a loss on how to overcome it. when i cut my arms and see the blood flow and feel the pain, i can understand that pain. its a release for all the painful things i feel...
    lisaolsem lisaolsem 51-55, F Jan 18

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    On The Road To Recovery.. Again

    hi, everyone. i'm new to this website; i just googled "cutters anonymous" and this page came up so here i am. just like mostly everyone here i am a cutter. i was ashamed to admit that i was before now, embarrassed to identify myself with something that might come to define me...
    constellation3 constellation3 18-21 Oct 15, 2013

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    After 26 days of fighting the urge I gave in

    today and cut my stomach 17 times. It felt really good and then afterwards I felt like ****. I knew I had failed myself yet again and I was ashamed. I am ashamed of what I did and that shame drives me to want to do it again. I am a cutter and I am caught up in a vicious cycle...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow 18-21, F 1 Response Mar 26

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    I Was Searching For Help.

      HI,Im Charlie,ive been a cutter for 13 years for many reasons.i became "sober" about 2 years ago (cutting wise) because I put myself in the hospital AGAIN..this time with 19 stitches(9 under my flesh,10 above)and that(again) shot me sober for two years (not including...
    ALWAYS7WAS ALWAYS7WAS 26-30 Oct 20, 2013

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    24 years old and I still feel like

    that little girl stuck with the knife in her hand! After all these years and after all this time fighting these urges they're still as strong as they ever were. Dios dame fuerte.... I hate that I love it. It's the only thing that gets me by sometimes.
    LittleBird131 LittleBird131 22-25, F 2 Responses Mar 30

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    Cutting

    I am 16.  I have been cutting since I was 14.  It was never bad in till I was being sexually abused by my pastor.  The first time he something to me I went home and cut in till I seen a lot of blood.  Three months later he was arrested after 11 girls spoke up...
    Arisha09 Arisha09 16-18, F 16 Responses Apr 8, 2007

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    Help For the Cutter.

    First I want to give you some information about cutting and cutters, but remember we are all individuals and each individual is different. Statistics show that even though anyone can be a cutter, most cutters are female, in her mid-20s to early 30s, who has been hurting herself...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia 41-45, M 89 Responses Dec 26, 2007

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