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I Am a Cutter

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 1,239 People

    It's been 338 days since I last cut myself.

    I started self harming in 2008 after my life fell apart. In 2006 I failed out of college, got really sick and ended up in the hospital, and that summer married a guy I barely knew. When the marriage fell apart at the end of 2007, I was completely numb. I just wanted to feel...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Mar 16, 2015

    Why Again

    I cut myself today after not doing it a few years i fight not to everyday but its beating me down.
    Acid1 Acid1
    70+, F
    4 Responses Aug 2, 2013
    jane1hejackass jane1hejackass
    18-21, T
    Dec 13, 2015

    3 1/2 years down the drain.

    I tried so hard, Some days I would forget what I used to be. I was just so overwhelmed and went to sit in the bathroom and smoke a cig. By the way, that was my cutting spot. Just being there feeling the way that I did, the urge came trampling at me without ease. I contemplated...
    jcarr0059 jcarr0059
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Sep 10, 2014

    I like to cut my left upper arm.

    I emphasize that because constantly I have to battle not to extend the territory lower, to the crease of my elbow, down further, over my wrist. It sings to me. Pressure in my wrist with every heart beat begging to be sliced through. It is a melody I know so well you think I'd...
    ofthelilies ofthelilies
    22-25, F
    Feb 8, 2015

    I ended up cutting myself again,

    though due to all the scars I have, I can't really feel anything. I just feel I should give up and stop fighting as much as I do. it is going to happen wether or not I want it to, so I might as well accept it, then it might not hurt as much when my other personality cuts me
    tallestshadow tallestshadow
    22-25, T
    1 Response Jun 10, 2015

    I relapsed today, It had been

    since May. I'm not upset about it though. In fact, I forgot how good it felt. How in control it made me. How that little silver blade brings beautiful scarlett color out of my body, how it flows in droplets, how calming it is. My kit is alway there for me and it has been since I...
    BrittBee22 BrittBee22
    22-25, F
    3 Responses Jul 11, 2014

    Well I recovered...my situation was a bit

    different, I have Asperger's syndrome... I didn't take any medication at the time and I was depressed over everything.
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jan 19, 2015

    The Urge Never Stops

    I don't remember the exact first time that I cut, but I know that I was 11 and I know I haven't been able to shake the habit since. I am out of school now, but I can still remember walking through the halls and getting overwhelming urges, anxiety attacks. I would slip into the...
    katie5929 katie5929
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Apr 25, 2012

    I Call It Release

    Hi! I found this site a month ago, I'm shy and hide this from my family.Trying now to " write " about it,I started it when I was 10, in a recovery program and have not released for over one week.I call it baby steps,to my new life! People here are caring.thks each and all of...
    ZCatsMeow ZCatsMeow
    70+
    1 Response Jun 22, 2010

    I cut for the first time in a year tonight.

    Boyfriend broke up with me and I tried to fight for him and found out its really all my fault it happened. My fault. Famous last words for the razor getting pulled out. Seeing the blood trickle out in red rivers down my arm soothes me in ways I don't understand. I didn't...
    Mnhaunted Mnhaunted
    26-30, F
    Nov 21, 2014

    24 years old and I still feel like

    that little girl stuck with the knife in her hand! After all these years and after all this time fighting these urges they're still as strong as they ever were. Dios dame fuerte.... I hate that I love it. It's the only thing that gets me by sometimes.
    LittleBird131 LittleBird131
    22-25, F
    1 Response Mar 30, 2014

    Walk A Mile In My Shoes

    Today is February 19, 2013. All i have to say is that it is easier to judge others for their mistakes when you haven't been in their situation. I don't need people telling me that I am good for something, or that I need a good spanking. I was hit as a child. I don't need a hand...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Feb 20, 2013

    I haven't cut in a really long time

    and it's been a struggle lately to not regress. Right at this moment I feel like I need a cut to keep myself going another day.
    ifonlydreamscametrue ifonlydreamscametrue
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Aug 6, 2014

    Carving Unwanted Meat

    I gained some unwanted weight due to some unwanted medication. Disgusted and pissed off at my self I decided to write myself a reminder of this disappointment. I carved in my thigh the very word that lined it FAT in large letters. I bled a good amount so I showered afterward...
    Acid1 Acid1
    70+, F
    1 Response Sep 28, 2013

    Causing Pain to Stop the Pain.

    So I cut again yesterday. I was doing so good...it had been about six weeks since my last cutting episode-but last night in the bathtub I just felt the overwhelming pain well up and I had to do something to stop it. Sometimes when I get the flashbacks-there really is no other...
    GraceBecomesHer GraceBecomesHer
    22-25, F
    2 Responses Aug 16, 2007

    Cutting...again

    i have been cutting since i was 12. no one ever knew until a few months  ago.  my best friend suspected, but i had never actually told her. now so many years later i am still in the same boat. i want to hurt, i want to see the blood, and feel it drip into a puddle on...
    metalgirl99 metalgirl99
    36-40, F
    1 Response Apr 20, 2008

    Why?

    Everything with my life is going great right now. Why do i still want to cut?
    WorkInProgress2012 WorkInProgress2012
    31-35, F
    3 Responses Apr 26, 2013

    They Don't Understand

    I hate when people say that cutting is a way to get attention. If I wanted to draw attention why would I wear long sleave shirt, pants, and turtle necks in the middle of summer?? I am 26 and have been cutting since I was 10. For a while taking the disolving lorazepam worked if I...
    luckypickle luckypickle
    26-30
    11 Responses Jun 2, 2009

    Relapsed - I lost it.

    After years of struggles and counselling, I am still doing it. SO HOPELESS!!! I just do not care any more. If I hit my veins, I would let myself bleed out. I am so DONE!!!
    SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
    18-21, F
    1 Response Aug 17, 2014

    I'll Never Win..but I'll Never Lose.

    I don't know if you ever really get over the urge..I sure as hell haven't. I still think of it daily..I still finger the blade and think. I think want to feel that burning sensation...the weakness when it's too deep..the thrill when it won't stop oozing. Then the worry that...
    luckypickle luckypickle
    26-30
    25 Responses Oct 17, 2009

    Cutting

    I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I sound stupid or this isn't how I'm supposed to post. I started cutting when I was 13.  I've since been told by multiple psychiatrists that I'm the worst cutter they've ever seen.  I've dealt with depression all my life.  my heart has...
    ALostGirl ALostGirl
    22-25, F
    22 Responses Aug 20, 2007

    Why??

    Always having to deal with everything myself Always being told not to cry Always being called weak Never being taught how to deal with stress Never being abel to lean on or depend on others Never reall understanding my emotions I cut because i feel physical pain inside my heart...
    MaskedAngel16 MaskedAngel16
    22-25, F
    1 Response Oct 21, 2012

    I am 41 years old...I have been cutting

    since I was 14....I have many scars that I know people notice...I just want to stop..
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    3 Responses Jul 1, 2015

    Its been 60+ days since I last self-harmed

    and I'm feeling pretty good about it! :)
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Oct 27, 2014

    April 14, 2014. It's been a rough couple of

    months. A lot of things have happened. A lot of bad. My past is full of dark memories that I don't want to remember. I wish that I could. My boyfriend of two years cheated on me.. But I've stayed. I chose to stay, but all I think is I should've walked. I am unhappy. I told him...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21
    18-21, F
    1 Response Apr 14, 2014

    Help

    I'm a senior in high school. A few years ago, I started cutting. I just didn't make friends and I was in middle school. My parents were on me about my weight and I wasn't even heavy or fat, they just wanted me to get faster for sports. I lost all my friends, made a couple of...
    crystalrave crystalrave
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jun 17, 2013

    I almost made it a month without cutting

    but I blew it last night and the other day but I didn't cut my arm I cut myself in the most precious area ..... I know it's dangerous but i felt so bad and I needed to feel relief and punish myself ... I want to stop for good but I keep coming to the blade .
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    1 Response Aug 23, 2015

    So yeah, I took my x-acto knife to my skin

    again. I no longer know why i do it, and my depression is ruining my life. I'm no longer on antidepressants cause they ran out, and I'm starting to get pissed at people, especially my friends and family who don't deserve it, and who have no clue about what's happing to me. I...
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Dec 21, 2015

    I Cut Myself Too

    Well.....I started peeling off old cuts...it hurt but i liked it, i don't know why, it was kinda like my thing, my own personal secret.  I got quite a few scars.  When i was 18 i started cutting myself, i stopped because i hatted the scars.  Scars have faded, or...
    scaredlonelyalways scaredlonelyalways
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Nov 18, 2007

    A dark hand constantly grips my heart,

    tightening every second. Cutting releases that pressure for a while. As if I have hurt the monster. But then it comes back stronger every time. The heart demands release but the monster demands the heart and grows angrier each time it gets prodded. Continuously poisoned with...
    thale1 thale1
    18-21, F
    Jun 12, 2014

    I am a cutter. Weather I go one day without

    cutting, or 1000 days without cutting, its always going to be a part of who I am. Kind of like an alcoholic, once a cutter, always a cutter. Some days are good, some are not so good, and some days I don't even think about cutting, but there are other days, like tonight, when its...
    NYSlilAngel NYSlilAngel
    26-30, F
    1 Response Mar 14, 2014

    Maybe'S

    Today is January 29, 2013. I know I haven't been writing lately, I have no excuse nor reason why. I just have been trying to get better on my own. I feel guilty about something that happened in my past, and now I have lost more than a few friends. But the truth, I don't care. I...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jan 29, 2013

    I don't even know where to start.

    . Just want to talk to someone like me.
    twintank twintank
    31-35, M
    2 Responses Sep 7, 2014

    I cut lastnight. They hurt

    and I honestly don't even know why I did it. I think sometimes I just want the pain... the numbness that follows. Being empty. I know that I have friends who love me... but I can't help feeling so alone. I know that if I stopped texting them... they wouldn't text me at all. I...
    AzyureAngel AzyureAngel
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Sep 17, 2014

    I Started Cutting Again

    Gosh as I write this all I can think is I hope my husband doesn't find out at least not this soon, not when the cuts are so fresh. We just moved to a new state. Maybe the stress of moving brought it on. Maybe not feeling like a good mom to my two small children or maybe not...
    tairadactyl tairadactyl
    26-30, F
    Mar 31, 2013

    I'm going to cut soon.

    I don't want to hurt others around me anymore. I'm going to let it go as deep as it wants. I have nothing inside. People care about me but I can't live up to their idea of me. They all think I'm so caring and amazing but how can I be that of I can't even stand myself. I cut...
    lilypad99 lilypad99
    18-21
    1 Response Sep 24, 2015

    Reasons?

    I don’t know why I’m writing this. And there wasn’t a whole lot of thought process behind this decision, but whether there was or wasn’t, this will still be frowned upon. Who really wants to hear about the reasons for cutting of self-harmers or cutters or whatever...
    ln75423 ln75423
    18-21, F
    3 Responses Jul 26, 2011

    I am in my early 30's

    and have been a "cutter" since middle school. I have various reasons of why i do so. I read other individuals posts relating to this matter, and it is all seemingly consistent stories regarding release of emotional pain by controlling physical pain and sensation. Of course that...
    ScarsForeverandEverandEver666 ScarsForeverandEverandEver666
    31-35, M
    Mar 27

    Cutting in the living room again.

    Not much for right now, but deeper than they've been for awhile. And more to come later, I'm sure. No stopping it right now. Something about the initial swell of blood. Something about the bite. The sensation of breaking through old scar.
    SunnysWifeBlue SunnysWifeBlue
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jul 20, 2014

    A Walk Through My Mind

    Today is March 27, 2013. I think that I need to clear my head. Release my thoughts. I don't really know what I want out of life. I don't know if I should even be on this Earth, to be honest. People says I'm such a horrible person. That I do everything wrong. Somedays I believe...
    weepingblood21 weepingblood21
    18-21, F
    4 Responses Mar 27, 2013

    I Found My Saving Grace

    I have been on a deadly path of cuttins since i was 15 an i am 41 no. my therapist told me last me week i was bordering life or death but that wasnt enough to stop me. my gf and i got into an argument and she said you push my buttons. she hadnt a clue how that affected me. my mom...
    lovechell69 lovechell69
    41-45, F
    8 Responses May 6, 2011

    I've Cut For Over 20 Years, Though Friends/family Thought I Quit In My Teens

    I've been cutting off/on since I was around 15 or 16.  I am now 35 years old and still crave the instant release that this provides.  I try not to create permanent scars- they are all over my arms, and despite having the traditional body shape considered attractive in...
    CagedKitty CagedKitty
    36-40, F
    4 Responses Jul 22, 2008

    Help For the Cutter.

    First I want to give you some information about cutting and cutters, but remember we are all individuals and each individual is different. Statistics show that even though anyone can be a cutter, most cutters are female, in her mid-20s to early 30s, who has been hurting herself...
    BlueGeorgia BlueGeorgia
    41-45, M
    89 Responses Dec 26, 2007

    To Cut Or Not To Cut

    I CUT FOR YEARS...you can clearly read WHO DARE WIN On my forearm. (not one tat) just razors... when I was reading a book by Anthony robins I learned something profound.... that if you want to stop a bad habit . You must first find out the GOOD part (usually a tiny part...
    TEMPOLTON TEMPOLTON
    41-45, M
    3 Responses Apr 1, 2012

    I feel so alone lately.

    I like being alone but I feel that I have no one. I've been trying not to cut these last couple days. Today I cut and realized why I missed it so bad. It takes away the loneliness. It's a secret between your blade and self. I made a lot of cuts today. Barely felt the blade...
    lilypad99 lilypad99
    18-21
    Feb 8

    Its not an urge anymore I dont just want to do

    it. I am hurt its the only way.
    00Broken00 00Broken00
    18-21, F
    May 18, 2015

    I am 41 years old...I have been cutting

    since I was 14....I have many scars that I know people notice...I just want to stop..
    deleted deleted
    26-30
    Jul 1, 2015

    I Am 30 and I Still Cut

    Are there others out there who are my age or older who cut? It is always portrayed as an teenage problem. I cut as a teen, but I cut much worse now. Am I somewhat psychologically immature or stunted? I can't imagine other people finding out because I am so afraid that they...
    KeepMySecrets KeepMySecrets
    26-30, F
    4 Responses Jul 1, 2008

    What My World Is Like

    Im trapped in what seems like a beautiful garden but all are blind to the fact that the lovely flowers surrounding me are more poisonous than the deadliest snake venom. They wind and curl around me tightening until I can hardly breath. No one hears the pain in my voice or see the...
    Acid1 Acid1
    70+, F
    3 Responses Oct 11, 2013

    After 26 days of fighting the urge I gave in

    today and cut my stomach 17 times. It felt really good and then afterwards I felt like ****. I knew I had failed myself yet again and I was ashamed. I am ashamed of what I did and that shame drives me to want to do it again. I am a cutter and I am caught up in a vicious cycle...
    TryingToLoveLifeNow TryingToLoveLifeNow
    18-21, F
    2 Responses Mar 26, 2014

    I have so many now on my arms am not addicted

    am just really hurt and nobody cares. Every day the cuts get deeper and deeper I just don't care anymore one of these days I will go extra deep on my wrist and just die
    00Broken00 00Broken00
    18-21, F
    1 Response Sep 12, 2015

    My Daughter

    My daughter used to cut herself.  It would take too long to share her story and it's not mine to share.  She used drugs for a few years and went to rehab.  Afterwards she got a bumper sticker that said 'Rehab is for Quitters'.  Funny but not.  She is...
    TiredSadandDepressed TiredSadandDepressed
    41-45, F
    9 Responses Aug 22, 2007

    Just Some Feelings

    The Scars I see you look, but you dont really see Even when Im standing in front of you Are you that blind or just dont care Do you see the scars my arms bare I cut to survive I cut because I do not want to die I cant express in words what I feel I will not die I...
    jeng7623 jeng7623
    26-30, F
    3 Responses Nov 29, 2012

    I am looking for a cutter.

    Who wants to cut with me
    standalone2013 standalone2013
    31-35, M
    1 Response Aug 24, 2014

    I cut. I bleed. For most of the days.

    I get hurt easily, and I am not perfect. The slightest of things make me angry, and I end up hurting the people around me with my cruel words. But I assure you, I have my reasons for my anger. Most of it comes from my past, my father's rules, my boyfriends, and the number of...
    Cue0811 Cue0811
    18-21
    1 Response Jul 26, 2014

    June 2010, I picked up scissors

    and I slit my wrists. I was only 14. Its June 2015, i'm 19. I'm Ashamed of my self that I let this happen for 5 years but I don't know what to do. I have tried to quit time and time again. I have friends I know are there for me, even taking away my razors, but friends come and...
    bmwaerolove bmwaerolove
    18-21, F
    1 Response Jun 11, 2015
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