I Am A Fan Of Chuck Norris

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 14 People

    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 28, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 31, 2014

    Chuck Norris is never late.

    ...time is just early.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 6, 2015

    Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive

    re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Oct 29, 2014

    When Chuck Norris was born,

    he brought the cigars.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 5, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 5, 2015

    When Chuck Norris' chidren use the line,

    "But DAD said I could do it," it works.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Sep 30, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 15, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 1, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 27, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 9, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 26, 2014

    Chuck Norris does not need to freeze water to

    make ice, he just stares at water and scares it stiff.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 28, 2014

    There are no plate tectonics.

    The Earth crumbles and moves beneath Chuck Norris' feet.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 3, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 15, 2014

    Chuck Norris has a Gmail ID.

    . it is gmail@chucknorris.com
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 30, 2014

    There will no longer be Mixed Martial Arts;

    Chuck Norris sorted them all out.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 2, 2015

    Some say he had a staring contest with the sun

    and it blinked and if you rub his beard you get 3 wishes all we know is he's called, Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 14, 2014

    Chuck Norris Won "Iron Chef America" with only

    one dish and an expired, unheated microwave burrito from 7-Eleven.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 10, 2014

    The grass is always greener on the other side,

    unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 30, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    2 Responses Nov 25, 2014

    Chuck Norris calls it a sneeze,

    we call it a hurricane.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 15, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 18, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Aug 25, 2014

    The ocean was once fresh water

    but Chuck Norris Likes his shrimp salty.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 24, 2014

    Chuck Norris cant be burned by fire.

    Fire gets burned by Chuck Norris.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Jan 6, 2015

    Chuck Norris doesn't play dead

    when he sees a bear, instead the bear plays dead.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 22, 2014

    The saying "Every Rule Has An Exception" was

    invented on the same day of Chuck Norris' birth.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Feb 14, 2015
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 6, 2014

    The pen is mightier than the sword.

    But Chuck Norris' beard is mightier than the pen.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 4, 2014

    Tired of losing by throwing scissors at a rock?

    Hi, I'm Billy Mays, introducing Chuck Norris brand scissors! The only scissors that can cut rocks!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 19, 2014

    When Chuck Norris jumps in the pool Chuck

    doesn't get wet..... the pool gets chucked
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 20, 2014

    Chuck Norris doesn't fly through the air,

    the air moves out of his way.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 26, 2014

    When Chuck Norris goes to the DMV,

    he doesn't have to take a number.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 1, 2014
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 9, 2014

    If Frankenstein was under your bed,

    then Chuck Norris is under his bed!
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 12, 2014

    Chuck Norris doesn't use batteries.

    He powers things by touching them.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 8, 2014

    Chuck Norris plays soccer using the moon.

    That explains the craters.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 6, 2014

    Chuck Norris lives in a all white house with

    all white furniture and all white carpet. Why? Dirt knows better.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 21, 2014

    McGruff took a bite out of crime.

    Chuck Norris took a bite out of McGruff.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 12, 2014

    Hallmark made a Chuck Norris biography

    that will touch your heart. No really, it will actually reach inside your chest, pull it out, & show it to you
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Nov 10, 2014

    Chuck Norris has 2 kids.

    We know them as Pain and Suffering.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 4, 2014

    Chuck Norris moved to Clevelend,

    which forced LeBron James to go with the Miami Heat.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Oct 7, 2014

    Mr.Perfect got the idea to be perfect from

    Chuck Norris. He is no longer living now. NO ONE TRIES TO BE CHUCK NORRIS.
    jml2000 jml2000
    61-65, M
    1 Response Dec 5, 2014
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