I'm a Jack Handey fan. It's really cool being one. Not because people like me, but because whenever ticks burrow in my skin, they die from drinking Jack Handey Fan blood, which is poisonous to ticks
I used this Deep Thought as my senior quote in my high school yearbook:
"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lay down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand...