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I Am a Recovering Co-dependent

Personal Stories, Advice, and Support 99 People

    Working On Myself

    I have been married to an addict for 11 years. I totally lost myself in this relationship and I am now working to reclaim my life so that we can either move on or not. I have realized that my trying to control her behavior and trying to force my will on her is to my own demise. I...
    husbandofanaddict husbandofanaddict 36-40, M Oct 15, 2009

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    Long Road Ahead Of Me

    Well to begin, I'm a codependent, changing my ways to not be, but I still notice to codepent tendencies in myself.  My mother is an alcoholic, and I grew up with that, plus I grew up with a dysfunctional family. There is a lot of abuse and plenty of alcoholism, and of course...
    Greeneyedandcurious Greeneyedandcurious 22-25, F Sep 19, 2010

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    Recovery - Oct. 11

    How easy it is to blame our problems on others. "Look at what he's doing." . . . "Look how long I've waited." . . . "Why doesn't she call?" . . . "If only he'd change then I'd be happy." . . . Often, our accusations are justified. We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F Oct 11, 2013

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    I'm Just Too Damn Nice!!

    Hi, I am a fifty nine year old divorced female living in central New York. I have 2 adult children living in MA. I have known my whole life that I am codependent. I grew up with an alcoholic father and extremely depressed mother. (She died at age 55 while I was pregnant with my...
    dleone1216 dleone1216 56-60 1 Response Dec 29, 2012

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    26 Year Marriage Ending / 22 Yr Old Still Not Employed And An Addict

    I am just now entering into a divorce after 26 years of marriage.  I am codependent and have made many unhealthy decisions as a result.  It is funny how the pendulum swings where you know your partner has a drinking problem - you threaten divorce - they stop drinking and you...
    afterwoz afterwoz 46-50 2 Responses Nov 12, 2011

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    Codependent And Didn't Even Realize It!

    I am reading alot of information about codependency. Man all those characteristics describe me perfectly. It all started with my alcoholic father and ran into my alcoholic husband. Now I feel ripped off, because I never had a chance to fix my marriage. He went to another woman...
    iamsomeonespecial iamsomeonespecial 46-50, F 1 Response Oct 15, 2012

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    Explaining To My Ex

    I had to come to grips with my co-dependency last night.  Since my separation and almost completed divorce my ex has wondered why I needed to move on.  Truth is over the last 13+ years I allowed myself to do a lot of things in our marriage (skip paying bills, run to...
    GoodMan67 GoodMan67 41-45, M 4 Responses Feb 19, 2010

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    I Miss Her. Tues 5/11/10)

         She comes into my life about once a month. This last time she stayed around about 2 weeks. No, she doesn't actually stay with me. I mean it as in coming over to visit  pretty much on a daily basis.     She's been gone since about...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 1 Response May 11, 2010

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    I Am a Recovering Co-dependent

    I was adopted into a family where there was alcohol...my father is an alcoholic. We spend years moving from one place to another because he would always drink on the job and then lose it. After a series of event at the age of 45  I finally came to the conclusion that I was...
    tylrhere tylrhere 46-50, F 3 Responses Apr 7, 2007

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    I Love Codependents!

    I know that codependency can, if out of control, hurt, and even kill people, but, codependents, in general, are wonderful caring, compassionate people. Controlling,yes.Controlled, yes, that too. However, we are nurses,care providers, teachers, social workers, counselors...
    vibrante vibrante 41-45, F 1 Response Dec 18, 2012

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    Codependant Problem

    I want to write something but I am not sure how it will be taken as I am a male with codepency problems and worried i will be laughed at. My life is a complete mess and I don't think I can carry on anymore
    GRAHAM2109 GRAHAM2109 36-40 1 Response Jul 28, 2009

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    Just Starting My Recovery

    Hi just realised that I am codependent - wow what a nightmare - anyway I am the youngest child of an abusive relationship, father drank and workaholic, mother crazy like a loon, brothers 2 - one gay the other sexually molested me. Relationships with others - seem to only have...
    freckle66 freckle66 41-45, F 3 Responses Dec 21, 2008

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    How Are You?

    One of the most difficult questions for me to answer is “how are you?” As a co-dependent, I don’t know – I’ve gotta check other people first. This began from childhood where my thoughts and feelings where ignored or invalidated while my body was abused. Because I was...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 4 Responses Oct 5, 2013

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    Found Myself Feeding Into It Again...

    I found myself feeding into my codependency about 20 minutes ago. This time her words over the phone made me aware that i was doing it. She asked me "Am I making you frustrated Richard ?".   Well yes, but of course i told her no. She had wanted a phone number from...
    justaSeeker justaSeeker 56-60, M 1 Response May 5, 2010

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    A Poem By Marilyn De Pinto

    Searching eyes, Questioning all corners of the room. in split seconds - Brows which aspire to the heights of the forehead; darting, cool and somewhat unsure fingers examining the air around her - reassuring her doubtfulmind of the truth of her existence, Seeing herself...
    tylrhere tylrhere 46-50, F Apr 19, 2009

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    Afraid To Lose Her

    Rule number one in childhood: Be perfect.  Two: Everyone else comes before you, and you'd better make them happy. Three: If women are mad at you, pain is on the way, so keep them happy or else.  Four: Be what everyone needs you to be.And now, I fear to lose my wife who everyone...
    Jubal1 Jubal1 51-55, M 1 Response Jul 15, 2011

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    Help! I Am Co-dependent, They Say!

    Gosh! Where to start... I grew up in a household that consisted of a father who was a drunk and abusive to my mother. I have two younger sisters. Mom put up with it after leaving maaannyy times! and they are still together. We had to watch and hear things that young children...
    berlylouc berlylouc 46-50, F Apr 12, 2012

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    When I Was Married

     i developed a co dependent nature because my husband knocked me down ....  then when i left i continued the pattern ..  i HAD to have a relationship to feel whole ... I based my self worth   by  other people not myself and what i had completed...
    starstruck2xtrme starstruck2xtrme 26-30, F 4 Responses Aug 23, 2007

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    When Our Vices Desert Us, We Flatter Ourselves That We Are Deserting Our Vices.

    When I first found out about my husband’s infidelity and betrayal, I was completely destroyed. My whole existence was shattered into an unquantifiable number of pieces that were too small to make sense of. I was having a tough time just managing to exist, let alone live my...
    TypicalPisces TypicalPisces 31-35, F 3 Responses Feb 10, 2011

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    What I'm Working On....

    I have had a time working on the responding versus reacting part of my recovery. I have been especially awareof it for at least a few months. Being involved with someone and reacting to what they say, do, dont do.can make you an emotional roller coaster all by yourself, but...
    emeraldskies emeraldskies 41-45, F 2 Responses Aug 19, 2011

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    I Had a Relapse!!!

    In the fall of 2008 I found myself in a situation that I did not know how to handle. My upbringing taught me that I should back off, be quiet and not communicate any of my feelings or opinions on the topic and that is what I did. Before it was all done and I realized what I was...
    tylrhere tylrhere 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 29, 2009

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    Sometimes It Takes A While For Awareness To Turn Into Actual Change

    I have an old friend who disagrees with my parenting style and doesn't like my spirited son. This really hurt my feelings and also made me question her as a friend. If the tables were turned I would do anything I could to support her in learning how to discipline a spirited...
    lsm007 lsm007 41-45 Mar 19, 2012

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    After 14 Yrs Of Co-dependency....

    My co-dependency has led me to loose everything and everybody I use to have around me. My husband has always battled with substance abuse and I always dreamed of saving him from the streets and his friends. I lived my whole life trying to build a dream life for him to want to...
    sandylo sandylo 26-30, F 2 Responses Jul 2, 2010

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    First Steps

    I'm freaking out right now. I can't focus on work. I feel like this is going to get me fired. My 7 year relationship is ending and it feels like the whole world should just stop and let me die. I'm a mess. But even I realized that I'm over reacting. He is treating me like utter...
    JeanieLynn JeanieLynn 22-25, F 1 Response Apr 21, 2011

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    Patience

    I have found giving up manipulating very difficult as I recover. I think I know how things should go, and life doesn't agree with me often. It is difficult to have a hands off policy especially when there is something that is important to me. Admitting I do not always know what...
    vibrante vibrante 41-45, F Dec 19, 2012

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    Our Good Points - Oct.19

    What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know. —Beyond CodependencyWe don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.Honestly, fearlessly, ask...
    zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 1 Response Oct 19, 2013

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    I Can Not Change Anybody But Me

    I have to repeat this to myself frequently. I wish I had magical powers to fix others problems. I feel other people pain, and I want them to be happy. I realize it is selfish and arrogant. Other people in pain, suffering, remind me that I don't have power to fix everything. It...
    vibrante vibrante 41-45, F Dec 18, 2012

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    For the first time ever,

    I have accepted I am co-dependent and I want to do what I can to recover.
    bcali bcali 36-40, F Oct 15

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    Never Ending

    Three years ago I met robert, he was the bad boy. He drank a lot, smoked everything, and did whatever he wanted. For some reason I wanted to help him, I thought that he wanted to be helped. We started dating and things were great, well they seemed great. He had complete control...
    Hawaii2015 Hawaii2015 18-21, F Jun 8, 2012

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    Getting Out Is Just The Beginning!

    I did not suspect I was codependent. My partner did not abuse any substances, unless you count coffee. I did not know why I was so angry all the time. I did not know why I had built such animosity towards him. Sixteen years ago it began to build. I kept thinking my husband had...
    instar instar 41-45 3 Responses Jul 12, 2010

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    I have lost myself over

    and over again, but each time a little less. This last breakup was my own initiative, and I am still so confident in that decision. Almost two and a half months later, however, and the intense pain of finally seeing all my own, co-dependent, mistakes is a little overwhelming...
    exodusses exodusses 22-25, F Feb 7

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    Co-dependent Anonymous- Does It Work?

     I acknowledge that I am very co-dependent. I am in therapy for it. My therapist has urged my to go to a meeting. Should I? For some reason I can't being myself to go... Maybe its because I have no idea where to start... 
    ECGH ECGH 31-35, F 2 Responses Nov 18, 2009

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    Single And Codependent Maybe Love Addict?

    Hi everyone- So i am a 31 year old female who has been codependent my whole life whether it be with friends or boyfriends - I finally got away from it all no boyfriends no friends - but now i feek an overwhelming emptiness - loss -depression - like I dont know what to do with...
    julybaby954 julybaby954 31-35, F 1 Response Oct 7, 2012

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    Related Experiences

    Ever since she left, all I can do is think of her. She was everything and the reason to me. Met her in Alaska, took her home to Portland. She was a mix of BPD and NPD, paranoid of...
    unstopedpiano unstopedpiano 26-30, M Dec 6

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    As much as I dislike writing about my own divorce, I must admit, and mostly out of the pain and suffer ring I've felt for so long, that divorce is very hard. I was divorced at only...
    makingitbetterrr makingitbetterrr 22-25, M Dec 5

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    * control me * take away my joy * diminish my self worth * make me co-dependent * become dependent upon me * stress me out * discourage me to love * force me to deny God
    SelfLove SelfLove 36-40, F Dec 9

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    I loved her very very much. She was my best friend and wasn't aware of her BPD until it was too late. The relationship was very co-dependent. We built her career together, bought a...
    Fidelis84 Fidelis84 26-30, M Nov 26

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    Sooo in the middle of my sophomore year of high school I transferred to public school, and that's when everything changed. That's when I met the sociopath. I am now 17 and a junior...
    myownconsultant myownconsultant 16-17, F 1 Response Dec 6

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    Offshore banking promises a lot of completely different accounts suitable for diverse learning requirements. A giving immediate account for example, will give you results in a...
    Darronbanki1 Darronbanki1 31-35, M 1 Response Nov 26

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